Giving Up

I try to move my limbs, shouldn't I be waking up right now? There was someone I was supposed to meet. Why am I like…this, instead?

"Grrrrrrr…" I hideous growl erupts from my throat. There's a burning sensation in my throat, and when I stumble to my feet, my head dangles limply. Like it's not attached properly to my neck. It's only when I see my reflection in Yin's sightless eyes that I realize what's happened.

NOOO!

I missed. My spinal cord is still intact, though the cleaver in my neck is almost halfway through. All my thoughts are all jello-like. The virus has taken over and now I wander according to its whims. This is bad. Really bad. But I can't do anything to stop it. The world is just a gray-lit movie now, and I am a spectator. We stumble together, this thing and I, away from Yin's body. Searching for fresh prey. Desperately, I try with all my might to reach up. If I could just control one hand for an instant! Maybe I could push the cleaver through. It's hopeless.

I'm stuck.

Imagine drowning in an ocean of gray bubbles. Each bubble is a part of your body, a little bit of control which you can no longer command. They just stream past as you reach for them, tantalizingly out of reach. Even breathing is no longer up to you. The disgusting stench of blood fills your mouth but you can't spit. All you have left is pain, pain, and more pain. A thought occurs to me in the haze as we walk back along the trail.

I leveled to Lvl. 5.

That's important.

It means something…

Trying to keep my thoughts together is too hard. I soon lose my sense of here or there and just settle into the tortured, laborious walk of the dead. Me and this body of mine which no longer listens. We are going hunting. Some time later, a strange thing happens. The shaking gray screen that is my world starts to change color. This…rest mist forms, everywhere, it looks almost coppery. A light burning sensation comes form behind. Like someone's put a burner to my back.

Grrrrr?

The one in charge of my body turns around at that. My tilted vision swings like a lamp dangling from the ceiling as my head listlessly goes with it. There's a dark cloud behind us. Fog envelopes everything, turning gray into endless red. The pain increases until I want to scream.

Please please please! STOP! IT HURTS!

Even though my thoughts are scattered, I can feel it burning me so intensely. Even the one in charge is roaring, flailing my body about. My vision bounces as my head snaps around, the cleaver still lodged in it. What is happening? I don't know. I just want it to stop. Suddenly, we are running forwards, panicking. The bodies of the wolves pass by and they are boiling. I can see it now. Their flesh is bubbling up and exploding into little chunks. For a split second, I see what's become of Yin and I want to retch. I would if I could. Then my own body begins to fall apart. The world tilts even more, the thin sinew holding my neck together beginning to bubble away. It hurts like fire, worse than being burned alive. I'm being turned into liquid and then POP! Bits of me leave only pain.

"GRAAAWWRR!" The one in charge screams as a figure appears in the red mist. It looks…almost like a woman in a dress. She takes a step towards us as we burn. I think I hear something as the one in charge rushes at her, trying to find something to latch onto even as we are boiled by the red mist.

"Oh? You're quite strong for someone this early. How sad…you're hurt! Let me help you…" Suddenly a hand comes out, it feels almost like someone is caressing our forehead. The one in charge moans and attempts to bite her, but now no one is in charge. Our body is boiling away faster, the pain growing until it's like walking in the sun. I want to scream, the other person is screaming, we're screaming, then just like that, there's a snap in my neck, and the familiar black I long for finally comes to save me.

"There…better?"

#

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS IT BURNS!" My scream causes me to bolt upright as I smash into something hard. Holding my head, I open my eyes. "GET IT OFF ME!"

"OWWW!" Yin is knocked backwards by the impact as we clash heads once more. Her beautiful brown eyes scrunch up in pain and I can see the shining life in them. So different from the last visage I had of her. "Umm…are you okay? I'm sorry for scaring-"

"I can't do this anymore." Seeing her triggers something in me. The pain, it's still so fresh, I couldn't make it stop. My hands shaking so badly I can barely bring them to my eyes, I stare at Yin's innocent expression and try to clear my head. Even though it's over, the memory is so intense just thinking about it makes me feel like I'm on fire, being rotted through from the inside out. "I'm done."

"W-What?" Yin reaches out to me, but Donovan yanks her back. "Hey! Look, he's clearly hurt!"

"He's wasted! Leave him!" The blonde bastard yells as he watches me with slitted eyes. I don't care. I finally understand that it doesn't matter what I do. I'm just going to get hurt again and again. My power is a lie. It doesn't let me change things. That's impossible. All it does is bring me back to suffer over and over. "See? Look at him, let's go!"

I let them go. I don't stop them. My resolve wavers slightly when Yin calls back to me, as always.

"Um, sorry about that! If you need help, just follow the stars! We're going North!" This time, I won't save them. But I'll give her one last thing in this world before she goes. Raising my voice, I call out.

"If you go that way, there are several undead which will kill you. Go around or you'll regret it." My shout causes them to stop and turn around in confusion. They try to get my attention, learn more from me, but I don't care. I'm washing my hands of this matter. Whenever I try to help, Yin just suffers. Maybe it's my fault for trying to change fate. Either way, I'm done. Turning on my heel, I ignore their shouts and stride off into the woods.

"Thank you!" Yin's voice fades away behind me. For a while, I just walk, listening to nothing, thinking about nothing. Images of red mist, boiling flesh, and the world tilting as my head snapped off continue to haunt my every step. It's my worst death. By far. I'd rather be torn apart by zombies or eaten by wolves. The pain was unreal, and the whole time I couldn't even scream. I just had to stand there and watch…hold it in. I was so…so powerless.

"GODDAMIT!" I roar into the woods. Some small birds flutter away, startled by my cry. But no undead come. This part of the forest must be empty. I'm walking away from the river, towards nothing in particular. Eventually, I begin to wonder what Yin is doing now. I've changed the pattern. Altered fate. Whatever happens to her isn't my problem anymore. Hopefully her teammates aren't as scummy as I think. "It's done. I'm done."

However long it is I walk, I'm not really sure, I end up going far and deep into the woods. Away from the main path, the branches and trees grow thicker, snagging on my clothing but I push onwards. I tire more easily, I'm not even Lvl. 1 since I didn't kill those zombies, but at the end of the day, humans were built for walking. Eventually, the ground begins to slope upwards. It's like I'm climbing up a hill, but I don't really want to go around, there are too many bushes over there. So I keep going.

Up.

Up.

And up.

Until I'm breathing heavy and sweating. The air is growing hot, and humid, as if I'm entering some sort of tropical rainforest. Suddenly, my foot presses on something funny underfoot.

*Crunch*

I look down.

It's a skull. An old one, there's no flesh on it. My boot has landed directly on its nose and caved in the fragile bone. Retrieving my foot, I see that there's more bones around me. Bits of white stick out of the dirt and leaves, seemingly growing out of the ground. As I take a few more steps, it becomes apparent. This place is like a graveyard. And I've walked right into it.

*Clack*

Something grabs onto my ankle. When I look back, a bony skeletal hand grasps my foot and I hurriedly kick it away. The fingers rattle as the whole thing shatters. However, all around me, I can hear them rising now. The dead have stopped slumbering. And they're hungry. Everywhere, bones are shifting, rattling around of their own accord as some strange force causes them to pull together and rebuild their fallen forms.

"What is this place?" I whisper to myself. I turn around to go back the way I came but it is too late. Two fully formed skeletons have already reanimated themselves. One of them is even holding a black, rusted sword. I know not what strange species they belong to, but I know any undead with a weapon is either a boss or beyond Lvl. 20. Which means that as a non-Hunter I could try my entire life to kill it and not succeed.

Oh crap. This must be some sort of forbidden danger zone. What the hell? I can't believe there's something like that here already!