Aaron, alone

It was a day I knew was coming. I knew it, and I still ignored the signs.

Mom packed up her suitcases with all her things. Photos and books and music sheets. Before she took everything downstairs she handed me a book. "When you want me to come home, open this book". She said, tears clouding her vision. She hugged me right that day, and I knew it hurt her. Her ribs were still bruised from last night. I touched her black eye with my fingers, tracing it. She held my hand gently in hers and sung a song.

"I can hear the night birds calling,

Come on baby don't you cry".

With tears in my eyes, I finished the song she sang to me every night.

"The sandman's coming, your nanny's humming,

A Georgia Lullaby".

"I love you, Aaron the Great, don't you ever forget that. I'll write to you everyday. I'll send you birthday presents and Christmas gifts, even gifts for Fourth of July and Labor Day, I promise". She said, the emotion in her voice getting stronger.

"You aren't going away because of me, right? You're going away because of Dad. He hurts you and you need to go away so he can't, right?" Mom choked back a sob and nodded. "I would never leave because of you honey, never in a million years". I nodded and held the book to my chest, the one thing I'll never let go of.

I helped her take her bags down the steps. Dad was already at the door, a sour look on his face that made my skin crawl. Mom passed by him, with me in tow, waking down the sidewalk to Mom's 67' Chevy Impala she got from Dad one year. The sleek black paint the same it was when I first saw it. She put her bags in the trunk and then came over to me, to finally say goodbye.

"Momma, why can't I go with you. Dad; what if he hurts me too?" Mom's cheeks already had tear tracks trailing down her face, new tears forming every second. "Dad and I had a fight in court. A big room where people settle things in a good way. And Dad won that fight, but don't forget that I fought for you, Baby. I fought for you with all I could". She glanced back at Dad in the doorway. "But your Dad has connections that I don't, bad people that helped him win".

"But that's il-illegwal. You said that". Mom nodded. "Yes, it is, but now I have to leave. If I don't, they'll put me somewhere I'll never see you again. But this way I can still send you cards and presents". I nodded, not understanding the weight of her words. "I love you Momma". A sob escaped her lips and she crushed me into another hug, the last hug she'd ever give me for quite some time.

She kissed me on the cheek and then got into her car, peeking one last time at me and mouthing 'I love you, always' before driving down the street towards the city. To the sunset.

Dad called me back in a minute later. He slammed the door shut behind me, almost catching my fingers in the door as I stole once glance back outside. "Get your shit together, you've got practice tonight". He said, pouring another glass of whiskey. "Okay". I said, running up the stairs so he wouldn't hear me cry. He hates it when I cry.

In the car Dad ranted on and on about the divorce. "She hated you, you know. That's why she left. It don't matter what she said to you, she hated you". The tears trailing down my cheeks were silent, but inside I was screaming. Telling him he was wrong and that Momma loves me, she told me herself. But I knew better than to argue.

Coach asked if I was okay when I got to practice. "Yeah, I'm okay". I lied, picking up a bat and heading for batting practice. Coach didn't look convinced, but didn't push it. Coach didn't say it, but it was my worst practice ever. I wasn't focusing on the game, I was focusing on what Dad and Momma had said. Two sides of a coin. But both had pain, both were bad.

We didn't get ice cream that night. Dad took me straight home and beat me with a belt for playing like a sissy at practice that night. That wasn't the first night and it wouldn't the last. But that was the night that I knew why Mom left, but it didn't stop me from wishing she had broken the rules and taken me with her.