Then There Were Two

The wedding was probably the best day of my life at that age. Melissa, the woman who I wished would be my mom, was finally going to be one.

The reason—I came to find out—why they rushed the wedding was because Melissa was pregnant with my soon to be sibling. When Melissa broke the news to me I was ecstatic, I was going to be a big brother after years of being alone.

Zachary Lee Anderson was born on September 4th, 1983 exactly a week from my seventh birthday. He was the prettiest baby I had ever seen, not that I'd seen a lot. He had light brown curls and these chocolate brown eyes he got from Dad.

After the first couple weeks I asked to share a room so that I could look after him. Melissa and Dad humored my request and allowed it. I remember one night he woke up crying so I grabbed the bottle on my nightstand and went over to his crib.

I pulled down the crib side and picked him up after stepping on a stool to actually reach him. He latched on the the bottle immediately and was content to suckle and sit with me. Before I knew what I was doing, I was singing him a lullaby that Mom used to sing to me.

"Go to sleep my little ninni,

It's time for little child to rest.

The stars are peeping while you are sleeping,

Snuggle up to your nanny's chest

I can hear the night birds calling

Come on baby don't you cry.

The sandman's coming,

Your nanny's humming,

A Georgia Lullaby".

I guess you could say I had an okay voice for a seven year old, but Zach didn't seem to mind that I was a little off key at points. After he finished the bottle he looked into my eyes and smiled, cooing. My heart melted at the sound and I knew that I'd do anything to keep him safe. "I love you, Zachy". He made some baby noises that I assume was a reply as I put him back in his crib.

I got on so well with Zach, that he permanently became my roommate. "Are you you sure about this, Aaron? You should be getting sleep". Melissa said, bags under her eyes from late nights cuddling a fussy Zach. Little did she know, I wasn't losing sleep because all I had to do to get him to go to sleep was sing him the lullaby. "It's okay. When he wakes up I just sing to him and then he goes back to sleep". Melissa smiled and hugged me, kissing my head. "I love you".

"Love you too". I said as I hopped into bed across from Zach's crib. "Goodnight you two". She said, turning on my Bugs Bunny night light and then turning off the lights and closing the door. The room was covered in the soft glow of the nightlight which lulled Zach and me to sleep pretty quickly.

One night Melissa was out with friends. I offered to watch Zach while Dad caught up on work. He was working double at the accounting firm and was really stressed. "Okay, you'll have to give him a bath and then put him to bed, you think you can handle it?" I nodded emphatically. "I've got it!" She showed me a quick how-to on bath time which I soaked up. "Bye honey! Remember, bedtime is 7:30!" She called before heading out the door. Dad scoffed at me and cooed at Zach as he worked at the table and I fed Zach a bottle before bath.

I did some tummy time with him which ended in some spit up, but was easily cleaned. I hauled him the the upstairs bathroom where I put him in his baby bath. He giggled the whole time as I made bubbles with the soap by rubbing my hands together and making a circle. "Zachy, look!" I exclaimed, blowing a big bubble. A cackle of giggles followed that made my heart swell. "I love you". I said, barely above a whisper, but he seemed to have heard it. He made some more adorable baby sounds while I dressed him in a onesie for bedtime.

Dad came into my room while I was reading him a story. It was one of Mom's books; The Very Hungry Caterpillar that she had for her teachers education days when she was in school for being a music teacher. Dad caught sight of the 'Donated to Rebecca Miller' written on the front and his face turned purple. I quickly got up and put Zach in his crib, trying to step down from the stool so I could exit the room before Zach saw anything. I wasn't fast enough.

Dad yanked my arm away from the crib which sent me tumbling onto the carpeted floor. Dad pulled me up by the arm and shook me while holding the book in his hands. "Where did you get this?" He seethed, rage dripping from his words. "F-from M-mom". He slapped me. "No, you got it from a whore. Your mother is a whore who ran off to be with some deadbeat, you hear me? And you will not read books that come from her to my son". He yelled, throwing the book into the trash. "Yes, Dad". He seemed satisfied that he'd done enough. Zach at this point started screaming from all the yelling, wiggling around in his crib. Dad's face went from angry to compassion in ten seconds flat and walked over to pick Zach up. He held him and rocked him back to sleep. I watched, not really jealous, but just sad. Sad that I'd never get to know what it felt like to have Dad hold me. For real. Tears had started streaming down my face at the sight of Dad and Zach.

Dad turned to me and snapped orders at me, "Go clean up downstairs, now". I nodded and left the room, silently crying as I cleaned up the dishes and put them away. Melissa came home before I was finished, surprised to see me awake and up. "How did Zach do?" She asked, placing her purse on the counter. "Good, he liked bath time". I said simply, wiping the counters down. "Where's your Dad?"

"Upstairs, Zach started to scream 'cause

Dad—" I cut myself off, biting my lip to keep myself quiet. "Because of what?" I backtracked and made up a somewhat believable excuse. "Dad was yelling at the TV 'cause of baseball and it startled Zach, that's all". I said a bit too quickly and ducked my head, which gave her full display of the forming bruise on my cheek. "Oh, honey your face". She gently took my face in her hands as she looked at it. "What happened, baby?" She asked, concerned as she made a makeshift ice pack. "I was putting away some mugs and accidentally hit my face of the cabinet, I'm okay". I said quickly. She placed the ice pack on my face and ushered me up the stairs. "It's time for bed, anyway, we can see how Zach's doing".

Dad has managed to get Zach to calm down. He was still crying a bit, but he had mostly stopped screaming. "Hey, Mel". He said quietly. He placed Zach in his crib, but he did it wrong. When babies are younger than a year and half, there isn't supposed to be anything in the crib with them because they could hurt themselves in their sleep. Dad had placed a blanket in the crib. I wanted to say something, but resolved to just take it out when Dad and Melissa left the room. After a few good nights and kisses from both of them, I got up and removed the blanket from Zach's crib. He started to cry, but a few lines from the lullaby lulled him to sleep as I folded my old baby blanket emblazoned with my name and placed it back in the drawer with other blankets.

I sang the same lullaby to myself that night, hoping it would have the same effect. It didn't. It's not the same singing it to yourself.

It's best when someone sings it to you.