CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX: DO SAKURA'S BLOOM IN WINTER?

The cicadas sing to the full moon as I stir, unable to completely fall asleep. I'd forgotten how beautifully annoying these things were. Even with jet lag falling asleep is difficult. Hmm... that's not a cicada. Stirring again, I reached my phone as the screen lit up, my ringtone blaring into the silent room. It's after Three AM right now...

"... who the hell is calling at this..." Oh. My annoyance crumbles and a smile plasters across my face at the caller ID.

"Kon'nichiwa..." Her chuckle stirring a heat I'd no doubt be unable to sedate for a long time. Groaning, I roll off my futon, moving to open the door to the garden; the sliding sound filling the now silent room.

"Oyasumi, Yu-Chan..." Smiling like a clown, I run my hands through my hair at her voice.

"I want to hold you very much right now A-Tan." She falls silent and my heart tightens at the sniffle that passes through the phone. I made her cry, again.

"Usubaka, Yu-Chan."

"Wakatta, wakatta..."

"I swear I'll beat you up when I see you again! What kind of stupid message was that by the way?!" I chuckle at her mini tantrum, glad that she's at least still her feisty self.

"But you understood it, didn't you love?"

"Of course I did... hmph." Ah! She's too cute. My smile broadens as I imagine the pout she was wearing while her eyes would cut through me.

"And my gifts...?!" she falls silent and I shift a bit at the tension, "Why...?" Her voice barely a whisper reaches my ear.

"Because... Aishiteru..."

"Yu..."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I blew up like that I just..."

"No, I'm the one who needs to apologize. I'm sorry too. I said I trusted you, yet I selfishly made those decisions without informing you."

"I guess we're both still rather green aren't we." We're way too similar in temperament if you ask me, I sigh to myself.

"I guess so." She giggles and I sigh relief, lying on the wooden veranda under the moonlight.

"The moons beautiful tonight isn't it?" Shuffling indicates her movement and the click of a door as she walks out onto the balcony.

"It is..." she falls silent again and I follow, staring at the moon. Looking at the same sky, it feels like I'm right next to her. Four years huh...

"Are you at my flat?"

"Yes."

"I guess you've..."

"Yes." I laugh nervously and she falls silent again.

"Are you mad...?"

"No..." I shift awkwardly as she falls silent again, bracing myself for another explosion...

"Thank you..." At her words, I feel my heart tremble as I realize I'd been holding my breath.

"You know, your unpredictability is bad for my heart." I chuckle and she joins in before falling silent again.

"Says the man who literally sent me a person and single-handedly gave me control of The Academy. In one day." She retorts sarcastically and I could help but laugh.

"Are you saying you don't like my gifts?" I question, my brows arching playfully.

"N-no… I liked them…" Her voice, barely a whisper and I could tell she was smiling.

"Good. God, I wish I could've seen the old man's face when August walked in!" At my statement, she started laughing and I joined. If I'm honest I really want to see her face instead. I wonder if she'll look at me like that when I return. Subconsciously I remember her calling me an 'outsider' and my smile freezes in place on my face.

"I'm sorry."

"Hmm…?" At the sudden apology, I break from my daze. Did she apologize? Why? "Huh? For?"

"I… I said some pretty mean and unnecessary things to you on Monday…" she falls silent for a brief moment before her sharp exhale fills through the receiver, "You're not an outsider. I was scared. I blamed you when I knew all along it was my fault. I just…"

"You're tired, aren't you?" No matter how angry I try to be, it never lasts. Is she a mind reader? Every insecurity I gain she single-handedly breaks them. We're always worried about the same things.

"I am." At her honesty, I could feel the smile growing.

"You're not alone anymore. You'll be fine." I'm waiting for her reply but she remains silent. I'm about to call out to her when the sound of her clearing her throat stops me.

"No. I'm still alone."

"Huh? August is with…"

"You're not here."

"..." W-what did she just say?!

"You know, ever since that day in the classroom when you met the old man and I got my panic attack. I've never had an attack or had to take my tablets since then. I only realized that after I could see you for the last few days. As much as I love my brother and as much as I'm happy he's home… it's all still empty."

"Atlas…" My words forming in my throat unable to escape. She remains silent too; minutes ticking by.

"So four years huh?" She finally speaks again breaking the silence and I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose as her question sets at the pit of my stomach. Unstable emotions of living her filling my head.

"Yeah..."

"Daikirai. How dare you tell me off and then ask me a question like that. Then say you love me and then... just... leave..."

"Atlas..."

"I hate you so much Yamada Yuzuki." She's crying again. So am I.

"Koibito... gomen... I..."

"I'll bake you some lemon cookies when we meet again... so come home soon... Ī yo?" I'm left speechless by her words and the silence continues to drift between us. Looking at the sky again I feel the liquid roll down my cheek. Of all the people, why her? I'd always loathed and distanced myself from this stupid illusion of love but why... Why do I... "Why her?" My brother's question comes to mind and my chest tightens. Because...

"You know... After leaving this place I found it hard to trust people. Even the man that became my father figure, I never really got too close or opened up to him. When he died and Mr. Fairchild took me in, I began to really hate myself. Not once did I ever tell Sakamoto-San, thank you for giving up everything for me. I hated the mother who left me, the father who abandoned me. I hated myself for not saying thank you and buried myself in books," my hands subconsciously reaching out to the tree before me,

"The pretence of doing it because of Mr. Fairchild was useful and so even I began to believe the lie. Keeping myself busy meant that I couldn't think and before I knew it, I was already an adult buried in educational achievements I didn't even want or like and broken relationships I couldn't remember. Understand, I did want to find love but... well I came to realize I could never really love anyone wholeheartedly... I probably said and did all the right things but that gets boring pretty fast..."

Getting up from the veranda, I move toward the cherry blossom in the middle of the garden, "That's why when that idiot Jon told me about the opening at The Academy, I dropped everything and moved. I believe from the first time I met you, I already knew I loved you. As cheesy as that may sound. My occupation and age didn't mean anything to me, I just wanted you. I'd give it all up a thousand times over if it meant breaking you free from those disgusting shackles you've placed on yourself. That's why I don't regret it. Show me the real Atlas when I get back. The woman who loves reading and making beautiful things. The woman with the most beautiful hands. The woman who put this band on my wrist..." lifting my hand out to the sky I stare at the bracelet shimmering on my wrist. Black diamonds hugging the arm that wishes and yearns for her, "Even if it's selfish of me to ask, please, wait for..."

"I will." Her instant reply makes me chuckle.

"I didn't even..."

"I will wait. No matter how long, I... lo... um..." she starts muttering and I burst into laughter as she struggles to form her sentence.

"You're a big girl, aren't you? Form your words, Ms. Winters."

"Don't patronize me... Baka..."

"Yes, ma'am." I laugh and she sighs annoyed. She's just too cute. You'd tease her too.

"I-I love you too, so - I will wait for you to come home..." She... She actually said it. My eyes widen and the air catches in my throat causing me to choke. A fit of coughing takes over me and I cover my mouth so I didn't wake anyone up. Under my fingers, I feel my skin heat up and my knees hit the ground. This woman will be the death of me, I swear to god.

"Well then. Um... go back to bed... goodnight..."

"Huh? Wait!" The call ends and I stare at the black screen. She... Embarrassment hits me again and I groan, trying to adjust my now painful boner. This fucking woman will truly be the death of me. I swear I'll make you pay for this. Exhaling, I run my hands through my hair before getting up and heading back to my room. I could imagine her tomato face right now. Looking around my eyes catch movement near my door and I groan inwardly in utter humiliation. Sigh.

Closing my eyes, I smile as I drift off. Tomorrows going to be a good day.