Page XVI - Revelations
"Why... are you still alive?" This question ran through Theodore's mind in his dreams. There was a child in his dream feeding him this thing...
The world they were in was dark, empty and cold. The mysterious child was there holding a pen in his hand. His face weren't visible for the darkness and scribbles of lines overtook his face. The only thing he could see was the kid's expression.
"I've got to give it to you Theodore. I can't believe you can sleep in peace after just killing a person." The kid talked in arrogance and a mighty sense of pride. "And that person was your father too. Now Theodore, that is a good plot. HAHAHA!"
Theodore looked at the kid intently as he clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. He soon loosened up and let out a sigh. "I'm done with your provocations. I'm not even going to bother."
"Great resolve as always. But I know how to break you."
"Don't YOU DAMN DARE!"
"Too late." The kid snapped and the world around them suddenly were filled with color except for both of them. Still covered in black and white.
"Ah-" Theodore began to shake, his hands and feet were trembling. He gave in to the weakness and kneeled on the ground.
"It's still beautiful no matter how I remember it."
Theodore was brought back years ago. To that same place. To that same room. And to that same day. The moon was big, the stars were barely seen from the sky. The giant mansion of where Theodore lived were shining in the lights as the whole place were fully illuminated.
His former self appeared climbing up the stairs. With every step the kid version of him took, Theodore's heart began to ache as if being stabbed by a knife. "No... NO!"
His former self opened the door and found his father. There. Lying in bed with another woman. Theodore's face began to turn pale as her mother came in next.
The kid in his dream snapped his fingers again. The world they're seeing glitched like a television screen and the scene began to change.
"NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!" Theodore began to flail around wildly, banging the non-existent floor he was standing on. The scenery below him haunted him for years and it just keeps coming back.
His mother hanging on a noose, his father with a single pen on his neck and the woman he cheated on stabbed multiple times on her chest. And in the middle of all that was the child version of him.
"HAA... HAA... HAA..." Theodore woke up in the middle of the night trying to catch his breath. He was sweating profusely. He looked out of the window and it seemed to have helped him regain his composure. "Another one of those dreams... I guess they'll never leave me alone even in death."
Theodore stood up carefully trying not to wake up Ray who was at the top bunk of the bed. He then opened the fridge and brought out a water bottle and drank it to regain the dehydration he was feeling.
He wasn't worried about the time since it was a weekend, a Saturday. He wore a tshirt and some pants and went outside. But just only at the fountain of the school. If he went further than that, he'd be in trouble.
He brought out an earphone and his phone and began to call his aunt. "Hey Isabelle."
"Yes Theodore, good morning to you too." Isabelle was on the phone. She just woke up and was yawning all over the place. "So... do you need something?"
"No. Nothing. Just wanted to hear your voice."
"That's sweet Theodore. I appreciate that."
"Alright. That's all goodbye."
"Eh? Theo-"
The words call ended appeared on Theodore's screen.
~~***~~
"That kid-" Isabelle let out a sigh. "Calling me out of nowhere in the middle of the night at 4:00 AM and hanging up instantly..." She stood up and looked outside and gazed upon the stars. "So... he dreamt of it again?"
After the events that occurred, ever since Theodore lived with Isabelle, there's this sudden outbursts from Theodore when he's sleeping. He began to uncontrollably shake in his sleep and began to speak in his sleep.
"All I could do was run over to you and hug you and tell you that it's going to be fine. And you'll always calm down a few minutes after. The first time that it happened to you I was crying along with you... Unable to do anything. I couldn't imagine what pain you were going through. It was painful even to just think about it. And every time that you woke up after that, I thought you were going to tell me about it. But all you did was keep your head up and act like nothing happened."
Isabelle took out a photo of him and then looked back outside. "Why did a poor young man like you deserve to live such a fate?" Isabelle let out tears from her eyes. "It seems that aging weakens my strength to hold these back. Because it just keeps flowing... And flowing..." Droplets of tears fell down on Theodore's picture. She then hugged it, "Someday Theodore... I promise you. You will find your own happiness. Even if I don't get to witness it as you outlive it... Someday... You'll smile again. I promise. I promise."
Isabelle fell asleep due to exhaustion as she let out a lot of tears.
~~***~~
4:50 AM. Theodore is trying to calm himself from all the thoughts he had in mind. And what's the only thing he could do? Write. He brought out a pen and paper since he believes that this is the best way to become one with what you're writing.
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"Why do you continue to live?" Is something from the person in my dreams asked me. I didn't know how to respond. But I exactly know what he meant. Right now I could just pull the trigger, ending my life here on this world. All my worries, all my problems, all my thoughts... They'll all be washed up by the current named 'Darkness.'
I will cease to exist and so does my problems.
I will be lifted from the curse that was placed upon me as I enter a deep enternal sleep and continue to float in the vastness of nothingness.
I could do it.
I'm prepared to do it.
But that's not the thing I'm worried about. I don't give a single care about myself.
Isabelle.
I wonder what she'd think. Would she cry? She definitely would. Would she be in despair if I die? She definitely would.
Just the thought of her being in absolute despair breaks my heart. If I did die, I'll be no better than my parents. So for her, I'll have to live.
But a part of me thinks that what I'm saying is just... an excuse.
Am I scared to die?
Do I really want to live as I carry the thousand burdens, problems and curses placed upon me?
A part of me wants to die.
I want to die.
I must die.
These conflicted thoughts of mine becomes arduous as I try to find an answer.
My tormented soul is continuing to pile up more sins and becomes more damaged for each every seconds that passes.
This is the life that I've been holding on?
So...
The question returns, "Why do you continue to live?"
I-
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"Theo!" Ray suddenly called out to Theodore.
"You're up early." Theodore stopped writing then looked at his watch. "6:30 AM. That's a surprise."
"Yeah since there's-" Ray's words suddenly stopped.
"Hmm?"
"T- there's something that I wanted to do this early."
"I see."
"What are you writing there?"
"...Nothing much. I'll be going back now. I'm feeling tired."
"Oh... alright."
~~***~~
Ray watched as Theodore hurriedly went in the dorm. "Theodore Payne huh..." He thought to himself. The missing son of the Payne family who died years ago. The family who also took my mother's life. Hmm... I didn't expect this. I thought I have let it go years ago but what's this trembling feeling of happiness that I'm feeling?"