Painful

I took a deep breath and wear the jacket I get from my locker. Thank goodness and I always forgot to bring this one back in our house. It has a purpose anyway. I'm inside of the cubicle in our school's comfort room for females. I was about to open the door when I suddenly heard two female voices talking.

"Have you seen Sienna's outfit today?" Ask the one with a soft voice.

"Why? Is she wearing designer clothes now?!" The one with a strong English accent scoffed. I can even tell they're retouching their make-ups since I heard a pressed powder closed rampantly.

"Guess it," said the one with a soft voice.

"Well, if she is... I'm sure it's not her money she used to bring it. It's from Atticus. Or worse... she asked Atticus to buy it for her. Such a gold digger!" Said the one with a strong English accent emphatically.

I gasp at their words and pulled my hand back. I'm not gonna get out of this cubicle until they're gone. I don't want them to see that I'm affected.

They say that 'if you're affected in other's words, they'll conclude that it's true'. And I don't want that to happen. Because I'm really not a gold digger.

"Wow!" Shriek the soft voice and claps her hands like her child learns to say mom now. "You've guessed it right!"

"What?!"

"You've guessed it right! She's wearing a shirt with the last sentence you've said!"

"What a shameless bitch!"

"But she's not the one who wrote it, okay? Molly wrote it for her!" Then they both bursts out into laughter.

"I love Molly more now! I love her guts!"

Then I heard their voices getting far. That's the time I think that they're out of the comfort room now.

I covered my mouth with my palm as my tears started to fell. I leaned my back against the wall and took my seat on the floor weakly.

Why are they so mean?

After comforting myself, I looked at myself in the mirror. I practiced to smile like the scene earlier was nothing to me. Like it didn't happen. I pressed my lips together and stopped forcing myself to smile as I felt the edges of my eyes heated. I looked up to the ceiling to suppress my tears.

When I got into our class, no one asked if how am I. What should I be expecting then? I have no friends. My classmates and schoolmates aren't close to me. It's like I'll gonna stain their names if they would. It's like they're gonna be infected with the disease I had if they did.

But I know the truth.

And that is...

They're scared that Molly might be mad at them too. Just like how mad she was towards me.

If there's something that happened today that I thanked so much. That is me and Atticus aren't in the same class. Because if we are, I'm sure he'll ask me about my bloodshot eyes.

This is the first time Molly's cruelness went like this. Before, back when I haven't said 'yes' to Atticus, she and her group of friends will just throw my stuff somewhere.

When I got home, Mom was in our living room watching TV. I can see what I'll look like once I'll get inside my room now. I'll break down. I'm sure I will. I was about to run upstairs when I suddenly remembered my siblings.

"Mom, I'm home." I emotionlessly said.

She turned down the volume of the TV.

"How's your school? You look tired."

It was... I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"It was... f-fine. By the way, are my siblings home?"

"Yeah," she yawned. "I already cooked dinner. Go to your room and take a rest."

"Thanks, mom." I can cry all night. I can cry all night... to ease the heaviness of my heart.

I went straight to my room. I make sure I locked my door and closed my window. I checked my phone to see if Atticus texted me. But I got disappointed when there's no text from him. I sighed and typed my text for him.

To Atticus:

I didn't see you today.

To Atticus:

Are you okay?

To Atticus:

I'll be sleeping early tonight. So, please, don't call me.

I rolled my eyes after a tear blocks my gaze. I'm such a liar, am I not? My mother asks me if how's my school yet my answer was 'fine' which is a lie. Now, I'm texting my boyfriend with 'I'll be sleeping early tonight' which is also a lie. Who am I gonna be kidding? Of course, I have to ease the heaviness. I have to... cry.

I turned off all the lights in my room, including my lampshade. It's just that I found my comfort in the darkness. It's funny to think, how aghast I was in the darkness back when I was a kid. Yet right now... it is where I found my comfort.

I heard a knock outside. It was Olivia, calling me for dinner. I didn't answer so she'll think I'm asleep. I hugged the pillow beside me tightly.

Slowly, Molly's conversation and I flashed back.

"Molly, please don't throw my bag. It's new. My mom brought it to me. I can't afford to see it with dirt." I begged.

"Oh, really?! It's new?!" She covered her mouth with her left hand like she was so shocked to know it. While her other hand was holding my bag. "Nah. I'm sorry but it's not obvious."

"Please,"

"A dirt must have dirt too." One of her friends said.

"You're right, Chloe!"

"Hmm, okay. I won't gonna do something in your new bag." She emphasized the last two words.

"Thank you!" I reached for my bag but she gave it to Chloe.

Molly looks at me sharply in my eyes. "But you have to answer me. Is Atticus courting you? I saw him being kind to you."

I swallowed hard. "He is."

She stepped closer to me and pulled my hair.

"Are you gonna say 'yes'?"

I almost jumped out of my bed when I heard my phone rang for a call. I reached it and checked, only to see Atticus's name. It's too late when I realize I already swiped the green button.

"Baby, how are you?"

I wiped my tears and covered my mouth so he won't hear my sobs. I scowled when I heard him cough twice.

"A-are you sick?"

He sighed. "You should answer me first since I asked first."

I didn't listen to him. "Are you sick?"

For the second time, I heard his defeated sigh.

"I'm the loser again." He murmured and chuckled softly. "I just caught a cold. But I'm fine. Now, how are you?"

"I'm..." I swallowed hard. "F-fine,"

"You don't sound fine to me. You're stuttering."

"I am fine." I wiped my tears.

"Let's have a facetime."

"We can't. I'm sleepy. I have to sleep now. You should too. Especially now that you're sick." I insisted.

"Answer my call." He said with an authority in his voice.

"I said I'm sleepy."

"I know this voice, baby. This is your voice every time you're crying. Weak, husky, and high-pitched. You can't fool me."

I sobbed and clenched my fist in my chest as I endured the pain.

"Why are you crying? Please, tell me." His voice softened.

I didn't answer him. I continued crying.

If only you know how painful my day went today.

"Baby, tell me," he said emphatically but in a soft voice.

I nodded as if he can see me. I felt my shoulders shook as I let myself cry harder.

"Why is... it too painful... to love you?" I sobbed.