Knitted

I was out of my mind the whole time. The only thing that's in my mind right now is how I ended up being driven home by him and the grapes he gave which he said is good to eat whenever I'm sad... And also the note on it.

"Sienna, I haven't seen Atticus these past weeks. Are you guys okay?" Nathan opened a topic in the middle of our dinner.

My lips parted at his question. "O-oh," I swallowed hard and forced a smile. "Yeah? I-I mean... of course, we are. It's just that we were both busy these days." I lied.

"But what's with the puffy eyes every morning?"

I kept on convincing them that Atticus and I are still together. I didn't mean to look like a liar to them. But I just don't want them to worry about me. I can handle this anyway.

Which is really the one that I can't afford to lose?

Having him beside me means Molly's gonna mess with me again.

But...

Losing him means Molly and her friends won't mess with me anymore.

And I don't know if any of the two makes me happy. I've never been this difficult upon making a decision. I lied in my bed, staring at the ceiling blankly. I can't feel anything but pain and the hot water streaming down from the edges of my eyes to my ears.

I heard my phone beeped. I reached for it without looking. By the moment I saw who's the message from, I felt my chest hurts more than usual. I bit my lower lip as I held my chest enduring the pain.

From Atticus:

I hope, I've been in your dreams too. Because you're always in mine.

"Sienna, what's wrong? Why are you crying, huh?" I heard my sister's soft voice and sooner I felt her warm hug.

"N-nothing," I chuckled to show her that I am okay and there's nothing wrong.

"Nothing?!" She scoffed and loosened up her hug on me. "How could you say 'nothing' when you're here lying in the bed holding your chest enduring a pain that I don't know... and I was in our study table hearing your sobs! So don't answer me 'nothing'!" She emphatically said.

I can't help but looked at her, pulling down my lips as I felt another burst of tears in the side of my eyes. I sit up in the bed and hugged her tightly while crying. We're caged in silence for that moment, only my sobs are breaking the silence we had. She caressed my back quietly trying to shush me.

I didn't know how I fell asleep that night but when I woke up, it's already morning. I closed my eyes and roll to the other side of my bed. I almost jumped out of my bed when I felt a hard thing in my back. My heart beats fast when I saw it was my phone. I immediately turned on the screen and exhaled when I saw my phone doesn't have a crack or the LCD was broken.

Thank, goodness!

I was about to put it down so I can prepare for school now when my phone beeped continuously for a text message.

From Atticus:

Take good care of yourself, alright? Be wise when it comes to friends.

From Atticus:

Albeit you don't have to though. You can count on me, baby.

From Atticus:

But that doesn't mean it's okay if you're gonna consider me as a friend. I still want to be the love of your life. :((

The days flew that fast and it's already days before Christmas. We didn't get back together. I kept on ignoring his messages and calls. In-person, I always avoid him. In school, I was acting fine... like I was having a better life without him. But the truth is it was never been easy...

"Dad, you're home!" I heard Olivia exclaimed from the living room. I was busy washing dishes but right after I heard it, I immediately ran to the living room to see our dad, didn't mind the bubbles in my hand because of the dishwashing liquid.

"Dad!" I hugged him tightly.

"Where's my boy, huh?" He chuckled and roam his eyes around, looking for Nathan. I wiped my hands at the back of my jeans and ran upstairs to call Nathan.

"Nathan, dad's home!" I exclaimed as I knocked on his door. He immediately opened it and excitedly ran downstairs. Unlike mom, dad's favorite among us is Nathan. I don't have a problem with that, I'm even glad about it because it is not just me who have favorites in my siblings, especially Nathan.

"Merry Christmas!" We all shouted right after the clock turns twelve. We went to our little Christmas tree where our gifts are placed. We already had the pick up of names for the gifts last day. I picked up the rolled paper with my mom's name on it so I just bought her favorite lipstick. I don't know who got mine but when I saw my name on the card of a Santa printed wrapper box, I immediately reached for it.

We're all busy opening our gifts. I even heard Nathan's exclaimed, causing me to look at him. Oh, he got an RC car. It's the toy he always told me about that even makes my heart overcrowded because I want to buy him that toy but I can't afford it since I'm not yet working.

"Sienna, someone wants to see you outside." Olivia suddenly said with eyes twinkling in sadness.

I excused myself to them and make my way outside. I took a deep breath. I opened the door and I felt the cold was hard to bear with my red hoodie. I mean... Atticus hoodie. I'm hesitant to run upstairs and get thicker clothes. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I don't know who's this someone who wants to see me outside. Maybe someone that'll gonna talk to me for a minute. A minute, yeah, that's enough for me to bear the coldness outside. I think?

"Oh, Jesus!" I startled when I saw him leaning in his car with the snow falling, he's wearing his black turtleneck sweater tucked inside his grey slacks with his black trench coat. His hand is in his pockets. He stood up straight and opened the shotgun seat.

"What here on earth do you think you are doing, huh?!" I can't help, my voice rise. "It's so cold outside and you stood there like it's summer?! You'd catch a cold-"

"I felt relieved that you're scolding me. It feels like you still love me... or at least cared..." he cuts me off. My lips parted on his words, my face heated. I immediately looked away. I held the handle of the door, finally made up my decision to stepped out now. "Don't be embarrassed. Well, I just dropped off here..." he trailed off and get something from the backseat.

I scowled looking at the paper bag. He took out a knitted scarf from there and wrapped it in my neck. I swallowed hard, I stopped him and made it instead. But he insisted.

"Just let me handle this. I just dropped off here to give you this... as my Christmas gift to you." He said, fixing the scarf on my neck.

"You don't have to though. We're not... in a relationship... anymore." I can't say it continuously since I'm trying hard for my voice not to shook.

"There," he sits leaned in the window and tilted his head, then slowly the edges of his lips stretched for a satisfied smile. "It looks good on you, baby."

"I'm stepping out of your car now." I reached for the handle for the second time.

"I'm the one who knitted it. That's your favorite color, right?" Something caressed my heart after hearing it, causing my eyes to heated. He knitted it. I looked down on it. He's right... Its color white. My favorite color. "I excused myself in our family dinner just to give you this." He looked away like he's hurt.

"You can drop off it the next day though. You shouldn't have an excuse for your family dinner. It's more important than this."

"I'll be going to Korea tomorrow." He said, which makes my eyes dilated. "That explains why I can't give it to you in the next day you're talking about."

How... How many months are you staying there? Or... worse...

How many years are you staying there, baby?