Night

It was a delicious meal. I'm sure the others were glad to be eating something other than reheated rations too.

After we finished, the women of the caravan took our bowls.

"We business?" I asked, still sitting between Elengail and Corbian.

"In the morning, lad. You had best sleep. That, and I'd rather not try to read maps by torchlight."

"You say--"

"I said later. I look forward to selling you a map or two, but not before you get solid rest. I can't just take advantage of your exhaustion."

"I not tired." I retorted.

"Sounds jut like a toddler. Sleep, lad. We can do business before we part ways in the morning."

"Part ways? But Farsfield is gone. Was there another town nearby?" Elengail asked.

"No, there aren't." He looked mildly embarrassed. "It's not that I mistrust you, but we'll have to see Farsfield for ourselves. Policies and the like."

"Oh."

"I leave, yes. Others stay with?"

He gave me a confused look for a moment. Then he realized what I meant. "If Farsfield is truly gone, they won't want to see what we have to do about it."

I frowned, not understanding.

He gave a hearty laugh anyway. "Thought you could dump them on me, eh?"

"... Yes."

Elengail punched my arm gently. "You won't get rid of us that easily. Especially not Mayliam."

"Mayliam?"

"You haven't noticed?"

"She try get close." I noted.

"Good to know you aren't dense."

"Yes. Now I go sleep. If not buy things now, sleep."

"You do that," Corbian said as I stood.

I walked out of the ring of wagons and sat against one of the spoked wheels.

I closed my eyes, but my supernatural vision remained active. I couldn't sleep.

The guards were stationed at triangular points around the circled wagons.

Mayliam approached me, thin blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"Yes, Mayliam?" I still hadn't moved or opened my eyes.

"Didn't you bring a blanket?"

"No, I not need."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

She didn't say anything for a while, though I could tell that she wanted to. A minute passed of her standing awkwardly, facing me. She opened her mouth to say something several times, but stopped herself.

"You like me."

She blushed. "How can I not? You're strong, handsome, honest--"

"And cursed. Cursed for alone."

She sat next to me and brought a blanketed arm around me, pushing me away enough to slip it behind me. She brought her other arm around my waist in an awkward side hug. Her soft, royal blue hair pressed to my shoulder. "You're not alone. We're here with you."

I pushed her away gently and stood up, blanket falling to the ground. "I am alone. Alone in a crowd."

I walked away, deeper into the forest and out of sight. The guards probably assumed I was relieving myself.

My face was hot. I slumped against a tree. Mayliam was being too forward. I wasn't ready.

Would I ever be ready?

I had thought I was before. When Stephasha and I talked in the quiet nights.

Thinking of Stephasha brought her face to mind. Her silver hair splayed, her lips drawn in a gentle smile, her eyes -- of a color I could not remember -- carrying exhaustion. Her last moment.

Tears welled up in my right eye. The bandage absorbed the tears of my left.

I had to be stronger. I didn't have time to run off and cry whenever I wanted. I had to... forget. Yes, forgetting would free me. But if I forgot... I would make the same mistake again. To hide or to hurt. Those were the options.

Sixteen minutes later, I returned to find Mayliam slumped where I had left her. She had wrapped the other half of her thin grey blanket around herself. She looked peaceful as she slept, as though she could forget the terrors that she had endured.

Let her forget, I decided. I would bear the load. Though I did not remember all ninety-something names, I remembered their kindness, and the end of their stories.

I would bear that weight for the others, so they could move on. They could live life and be happy again.

I left Mayliam as she was and circled to the next wagon over to rest against. I closed my eyes again, slumping against another wheel. I fell asleep to sorrowful memories.

I had a dream that night, no, a nightmare. Everyone I lost, just standing there as the town of Farsfield went up in flames. I had reached out, calling to them to run away, to get out of the flames.

One by one, they gave me a gentle smile, turned away, and walked into the flames, disappearing.

Voices from unseen sources laughed and pointed. Others mocked me with statements like, "You should've gone with them," and "coward."

It was no surprise that I woke with a start. Particularly when another had taken it upon themselves to wake me. I felt my hand slap something, a knee-jerk reaction.

My eyes snapped open to see Mayliam's concerned, face. Her blue hair was tangled, and her round face gaunt. She clutched her hand.

"Ow," she said pointedly.

"Sorry."

"Everyone's waking up. If you want to do some shopping before we part ways, I suggest we do that now."

"Then we see what have for us."