Chapter Twelve

Again in my dreams I am the prey of many nightmares, some darker than others ... Victor always appears, looking at me, extending his hand towards me as the last time he did before he died ... remembering always brings me horrible sensations that they expand throughout my being, more than 10 years have passed and Victor's eyes still haunt me in the dark.

Unable to sleep after my last nightmare I decide to get up for a glass of water, the mansion lies in the dark and I walk down the hall the dim light of the moon that reflects through the windows, I never stop being amazed at how magnificent it is living in a mansion, every detail is beautiful and extravagant, like Jeanne ...

I go down the stairs to the first floor and in the middle of the total darkness of five in the morning I drink around three glasses of water, one after another ...

Once my thirst is quenched, I walk back to my room, but not before observing through one of the windows the immensity of the night, the stars and the moon that rested high in the sky ...

I walk back down the stairs at a slow pace, the tranquility has returned to my head after my night walk and I would be willing to go to sleep if it weren't for the rays of light coming out of Jeanne's office, apparently I'm not the only one has unveiled ...

I'm internally debating whether to go there or go back to sleep, I don't want to disturb Jeanne and after our last goodbye a few hours ago she really seemed confused about what had happened between us.

While my head decided to one of the doors of her room opens from the inside, there appears Jeanne in a beautiful blue silk pajamas, attached to her body and her hair flowing back, I stare at her until she notices me presence in the dark.

-Emma? confused question-what are you doing here? ...

-I'm sorry Mrs. Jeanne, I couldn't sleep well tonight and I got up for a glass of water ...- I said sincerely even in the dark.

-Well, come here and let's talk for a while, do you think? I have insomnia and the truth is that I have not been able to sleep all night ...

I nod and go to her office, surprised in the dark, Jeanne lets me pass but not before looking at me with her eyes from top to bottom, my pajamas are not as elegant as hers, but the color stands out as it is red. intense and also sticks to my body.

Jeanne tells me to sit on one of the sofas, only one of the three ceiling lights is on, so the room is a mixture of light and dark that allows us to see my boss and me, but not enough to so that we can distinguish our features. Jeanne sits on one of the sofas in front, we were almost face to face if it wasn't for a mini table where my glass of water and a glass of wine that Jeanne was drinking rests.

-Why couldn't you sleep Emma? -Jeanne asks me sincerely and I decide to answer in the same way.

-I had horrible nightmares ... they are always the same, always the same thing-I say sincerely and I shrug my shoulders, I was giving my intimate information to Jeanne and I liked it, but at the same time it scared me to think about her reaction if I told her my dreams ...

-Can you tell me what your nightmares are about? -He says with a kind face. I struggle internally, never in 10 years have I been able to tell someone about my nightmares, I have been able to tell anything about my past and yet, the eyes of Jeanne Nizzari inspire confidence and security, something that I have not felt with anyone in long time too ...

-Okay -I say after long minutes- my dreams are mainly ... about Victor-something in me is stirred when saying his name out loud-he always appears, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the darkness, where he comes from ...

Jeanne is silent for a few seconds and then asks something that unnerves me.

-This Victor is who ... did you kill? -She says with kindness but without removing the seriousness in his eyes. Part of me breaks when hearing that word, Jeanne had investigated my past some time ago and from my police file she must have found out the cause of why I was in prison for 4 long years, despite all the fear that she might judge me Jeanne inspires me confidence, enough to tell him absolutely everything, so much so that I surprised myself by telling him the story from the beginning.

-It's correct- I said with a lump in my throat- I killed Victor but it was in legitimate defense, Victor and I met at school, at age 14 ... he was a naughty boy who always liked to get in trouble Victor looked like a bomb about to go off at that age, but he was handsome and a bad boy, which made me fall into his arms after some "dates" we had. I thought I was deeply in love with him, so much so that when he proposed to put everything aside and flee with him to another city I didn't think twice and decided to go with him and follow him wherever he went ... that was one of the first bad decisions I made. I took my life - I said sincerely - I put my whole life aside, my family, my friends for him, because I believed that he was the only person I really understood and one of those I loved the most, I was a teenager. in love and cheated on ... When we traveled to another city we barely had a little money, which lasted at least a month before it was all over, we looked for work but no one wanted to hire two 16 year old teenagers who had not even finished school, money ran out and in a short time we had to live on the street, we had no food or money, less a roof to live on ... Victor decided to get into illegal jobs, he convinced me that it was the only way to get off the street and having food, a roof, a family ... from one day to the next, Victor began to traffic drugs of all kinds, which effectively made us have more money, which meant that we lived in an apartment located next to the roads. of the train, it was not a luxury but she had enough to survive, she barely understood how the world worked, she was small and believed that love could do everything, even the miserable life she had led until then ...- Jeanne observed me with eyes c Like dishes, but hanging on every word he said - when I turned 18, Victor kept selling drugs and getting even more into that dark world ... until one day he started using the drugs he was selling, became addicted and dependent on cocaine, base paste ... every day he needs more and more, sometimes he forced me to take drugs with him, and I couldn't refuse because every time I contradicted him he would get violent and grab my arms to hit them ... . without realizing the reality that I lived with an abuser ...

Things started to get worse when I turned 20, I could no longer hide my bruised and beaten body after so many years ... I didn't understand why Victor was hurting me, I thought I was still in love with him but at the same time a feeling hatred grew more and more every day ... I hate that whole year that he made me repeatedly, in recent years Victor just hit me over and over again for no reason, and I left him ... out of fear and why I had no one else in my life. One day Víctor arrived crazy after consuming his dose of drugs, he arrived at the apartment knocking hard and when I opened him he threw me back and I fell to the ground, hitting my head hard, he did not apologize and walked towards the sofa as if nothing had happened, when I was able to get up he had taken off his pants and was beckoning me to come closer to him. I was scared, Victor had never forced me to have sex with him so far, but this time something in his gaze scared me and I knew that if I didn't accept for good he was going to achieve it the hard way ... I decided to walk towards the kitchen with the excuse of needing water while Víctor continued to watch me, while I turned my back to him I could grab one of the huge knives that rested in the kitchen and I hid it inside my clothes, when I approached Víctor as I predicted he grabbed me hair and put me against the sofa, he was going to lower my dress and rape me right there, despite my screams and resisting, Victor was stronger than me ... he held me by the wrists but at one point he did not press so hard and I could to let go of one arm, I did not hesitate to take out the knife that was still in my body and without thinking twice as he continued to hold me tightly I buried it in his stomach, then again I did it but in his rib, he grabbed my arm before fall to the ground . .. I risk myself until life left his eyes ... I stood there watching him die without doing anything, hatred and anger ate at me ... until the police arrived, a neighbor had altered from our screams and a officer found me with knife in hand and blood running everywhere.

Jeanne had her mouth open and her eyes were about to explode, I was still under the shadows watching her, still with my chest heaving after recounting all those moments.

-Emma, are you okay? -Jeanne Nizzari asks and I can only shake my head.

-That's not all Ms. Nizzari, there are still more nightmares to tell you ...