Chapter Seventeen

Jeanne watches me intently as thousands of thoughts come to my mind.

"Why should I talk to you?" I said defiantly and Jeanne dropped her shoulders.

-I know I've behaved like an idiot, all my life I have -she rolled his eyes- but you deserve an explanation and despite everything you may think about me now, you haven't heard my part of the story ...

She was right, he thought many things about Jeanne Nizzari but none of them had been heard by her mouth. I didn't consider myself a person who would just judge someone, I could be neutral and listen to the other party's story, as long as there were reasons for it. Did I have reason to listen to Jeanne Nizzari? Yes, to spare, but confidence in my boss had dropped considerably since this last week.

"Ok" I said after a minute lost in thought, Jeanne nodded and led me by the hand to her room.

Your room? Why would Jeanne Nizzari take me there to talk seriously? Many times I did not understand their attitudes but I surprised myself very attentive to what I could find in that room so intimate for Jeanne.

When we entered Jeanne closed the door behind her and asked me to sit on her bed. The truth is, Jeanne's room, although it was the largest in the entire mansion, was quite simple, decorated in pastel tones and a huge bed full of pillows seemed to be anyone's room, I could see a more human side of Jeanne outside of the luxuries you could have.

-First, I want to apologize for my attitude in recent days-I opened my eyes with surprise at that first sentence. Jeanne Nizzari apologizing? - I know that I have been an idiot and I understand that you may be upset, but the only truth is that I have not been able to get you out of my head Emma- my cheeks began to accumulate heat and I knew it, I was getting like a tomato- since that night in the Dinner, when we kissed in the kitchen I felt too many things, which left me thinking most of the night, I did not sleep until the next day and fled like a rat -I internally laughed when imagining Jeanne as a rodent.

"Your explanation doesn't make much sense to me ..." she started to say but Jeanne raised her hand.

-Wait, that's just the beginning ...- I closed my mouth as he told me and I listened- I ran away from you this week because I am afraid, very afraid of going further with you and dragging you to the hell that is my life. I want you to know that for more than 15 years that I have not had a fixed partner in my life, I decided early after discovering that love can make a person happy but also destroy him completely, my father was unfaithful to my mother all his life and she always used me as her tear cloth, since then I was very traumatized with what love is and means, so when I had to live it firsthand it was an even bigger disappointment, my partners did not want me for what he was, if not for what it means to be part of the Nizzari family. At my short 18 I discovered that most of the people who approached me were out of their own interest and that was also involved in my love life. From that age that I decided not to be with anyone, I felt deeply disappointed in love as it was something unattainable for me, I felt that everyone saw me as an object that I could use to their liking and convenience, but nobody really cared how I was me. So I decided to go cold and not have any kind of relationship with anyone, other than sexual ... It has been long years where I have dated many women, but none of them have been a relationship if you understand me ...

I lived in a bubble for many years of my life until I fully believed it, when I grew up and started working in the company the same thing happened, those who approached me did not care about anything other than the benefit I could get from it, especially in the love sphere once I made my sexuality known. I met a woman four years ago with whom I was delighted for a long time, then I discovered that she only went out with me to increase her fame and that ended up destroying me. All this has led me to have a quite lonely but busy life, I take refuge in my work because it is the only thing I know how to do well, and well, the love environment I refuse whenever I can, I walk away from it as if it burned me in raw flesh, it is not my intention to get away from you Emma, but if I know something after 15 years it is that I have lost all faith and trust in love, every time the idea even passes through my head I run away from the same and I take refuge at work.

With you I have felt all that Emma again, from fear to happiness, I am scared of what all this that we have both done could mean, all I know is that your kisses and your lips are the most delicious I have ever done. tried in all my life, you have had me confused since the first day I saw you and since then my inner Jeanne does not know what to do, or what she is going to face, I have many doubts and fears that do not go away at night in the morning, I have dragged them for years and now today they are still latent in me ...

This week I ran away from you because it is the best thing I know how to do, to think about looking at you and knowing that all I feel is an enormous attraction towards you, which started slowly but which I can no longer ignore. You come to my mind more often than I would like and you have me whole nights wanting you and wanting to share with you, it has been a long time since I felt this kind of thing and deep down, I am scared and my only reaction is to feel fear and run away, like I've always done ...

When Jeanne finishes speaking, she lowers her gaze and begins to walk around the room, I myself try to absorb each of her words and the truth is that what I can feel is empathy and pity for Jeanne, from the beginning that she has looked at me from another way and I know it, but she has always had a confused face impossible to ignore and I knew it, they were two parts of Jeanne that were constantly fighting each other, and now I have discovered that she has been struggling with it for years, I could not judge her, I I have not lived her life or made her decisions, but deep down the only thing there was was a traumatized and hurt Jeanne Nizzari.

-I understand and I will not put problems Jeanne -I said aloud- what you do with your life is your decision and I cannot judge you for it after this long explanation -I said sincerely- I am also very confused with what I feel and believe It is also not easy for me to open up with someone again, as you too feel a deep disappointment of what love is and all its variants, I cannot judge you for it ...

-I do not want you to think that you are my toy or my entertainment Emma-Jeanne had approached my position and was now sitting next to me on the bed- only that I have many traumas from years ago and I fight against them constantly, but do not doubt that what I feel for you, it's been a long time since I felt and I'm scared, but I won't let that stop me from enjoying being by your side ...

Jeanne could make me totally crazy about her in a couple of words, the woman next to me was strong in many ways but weak in others, like any human being, Jeanne Nizzari for the first time had decided to open a part of her heart to me and I I accepted it gratefully, after long months I finally felt that my boss was more human than she seemed ...

-For me it is not a problem either, we can go as slow as we both need ... for me all this is also new ...

Jeanne nodded and placed one of her hands on mine, then grasped mine with her fingers and linked them. It was such a natural and beautiful gesture that my heart began to beat, never before had Jeanne Nizzari acted that way with me. Jeanne moved closer to me an inch, just enough to face my lips. She let out a slow sigh and then gently kissed my lips. A delicacy I had never seen in Jeanne Nizzari and I indulged in a slow but passionate kiss. Jeanne joined her tongue with mine over and over again, I reciprocated and we spent long minutes like that.

-Why did you come with lipstick on your shirt? I asked, cutting off the kiss and Jeanne laughed, a natural and beautiful laugh.

"Are you seriously interrupting such a delicious kiss for that?" -She laughed again- as I told you, this week I ran away from you as much as I could ... I went to a cabaret unknown to me one night when I left the company late, had a couple of drinks and when I was about to leave one of women who performed the show -which was a transvestite- gave me those kisses and then she was dead laughing when she saw my state, I want you to know Emma that in all this time the only lips that I have kissed are yours ...

I nodded laughing at how ridiculous the situation was, Jeanne kissed me again after she stopped laughing and we stayed that way for a long time until my cell phone rang. I picked up the cell phone and recognized Beatriz's number calling me.

Jeanne also saw the cell phone screen and a strange gesture appeared on her face.

It was time for me to explain myself ...