Inner Reflection

"Why don't you let me get you something to put on, you can get the first shower, I'll finish up here." I look up to see him watching me as I tape up yet another box. "Um, yeah ok. Thank you Bakugo." He smirks at me before walking off into his room returning with the same shorts and shirt I wore last time. When I thank him he plants a soft kiss on the top of my head before I walk towards the bathroom, when I turn he's already taken over tapping up the last couple of boxes. It may have taken us nearly six hours, but almost everything he owns that can fit into a box has been properly packed and is ready to go. We probably could have finished a lot sooner if not for the playful flirting and the fact that we talked almost non-stop. Tomorrow morning the moving truck will be here, one day of the five before heading back to work already gone and I've done no real thinking about what Jeanist asked of us. I know I want to have sex with him, it's been on my mind all day. With it has also been the thought that we shouldn't until we at least figure out what the hell we both want. He said he's in love with me, if I have sex with him tonight but decide before Monday that I can't risk my career to be with him that will only crush him. I'm not really sure that's what Jeanist was getting at, but I feel like I should consider all aspects here. When I walk out of the bathroom Bakugo is on the phone in his room, I go to sit on the couch and try not to listen. He isn't exactly being quite though so it's pretty easy to realize he's talking to his mom and she's telling him to be cautious about things to do with me.

"Hey, I ordered dinner. Hope curry is ok. I'm going to take a fast shower, should be done before the food arrives." I nod smiling at him, he's so cute and sincere. I realize how badly I wanted to kiss him as the bathroom door closes behind him and I sit combing my hair. I put the comb back on top of the box it was sitting on and rub my face, it hurts from smiling all day, I haven't been this happy in a long time, not since I was a kid and things were still good with dad at home. The simple thought of dad sends dread through my heart, what if I open myself up to him and we're happy only one day I find out he isn't as happy as I thought and he runs off with some younger woman. It scares me more than the idea of my career being hurt by starting a romantic relationship with him. A small hit to my professional life will be forgotten and leave my heart intact, but to let myself be close to him and be tossed aside, I watched it happen to mom, I never want it to happen to me. I can't imagine he knows how it feels, his parents are still happily married, their 30th anniversary is coming up soon. Looking back there were signs my parents weren't exactly happy or in love, I sometimes wonder if they only got married because mom got pregnant. Shit I hadn't even thought of that, we can't have sex I'm not on any birth control, I let it lapse when I moved here instead of getting an appointment somewhere to continue getting the pill. Then again he probably has condoms right? I never let myself rely on just those with Jason, but I'm willing to for Bakugo. He's lived alone as a hot 25 year old man, surely he's got condoms here somewhere from all the times he's had girls here. Great now that's in my head, I shouldn't be jealous of what he's done before I knew him, but I want to punch every girl whose ever touched him right in her stupid fucking face.

When Bakugo walks out of the bathroom I'm pulled from my chaotic thoughts, he looks at me for a moment contemplatively when there's a knock at the door. I watch him mesmerized as he goes to answer still half wet wearing a pair of grey sweat pants sitting low enough to see the top of his boxers. When he opens the door the delivery person immediately starts talking excitedly to him. "Dude no way, I saw the order said DynaMight but I was like 'this has to be a joke' but it's not you're really him. I saw you trending online today with that hot chick in the suit, how did that turn out man you two getting together?" I hear the TCK come from him and pray the delivery guy shuts up sooner rather than later. "Wow dude, you must really work out huh? I would love a few pointers if you have a minute. Must work up an awful appetite too to order so much food." Another awkward silence before hearing the bags shift a bit. "Ok, yeah you probably had a long day, sorry just got really excited. You might not remember but you saved my little sister two years ago, you're our hero." I turn to look at the scene at the door, Bakugo putting the towel he was drying his hair with over one shoulder. "I remember. I'd been trying to find that piece of shit villain for three days. Your sister was really scared, nearly scratched me to death when I carried her over to you. Is she doing ok?" The delivery guy is staring at Bakugo eyes wide and mouth gaping open. "Yeah she's in high school now, support course student. Says she's going to rival the great Mei Hatsume and make something so great you'll wear it proudly." Bakugo lets out a little laugh "Hatsume is a nut case, but damn if that girl doesn't make the best tech, she's a great role model and standard to try to reach. As far as things with Miss L/N, I don't know what's happening there yet, but there's a lot more to her than just her looks, the reason I stared at you angry is because I don't like the idea of her being objectified, she's a person. For your workout talk to your doctor and a trainer. Every quirk is different, my work-out regimen isn't suited to a lot of others." The guy nods handing the food to Bakugo and thanking him profusely apologizing for his remark about me and wishing him luck. Bakugo gave him a cute pink teddy bear from the box in his room and told him to give it to his sister.

Normally we don't really talk while eating so I was startled at first when I heard his voice.

"Have you thought much about things?"

"Yes but also no. It's been on my mind all day, but I've also been busy. Most of my thinking was in the shower and while you were in the shower."

"I just wanted to say no matter what happens, I'd like to still work with you. I realize Jeanist may decide that's no longer an option for us, but I'm hoping he doesn't."

"Do you really think he will stop us from working together? I don't know him well, and I have no idea what to expect come Monday morning."

"I think he will only stop our working together if we disagree on what we want. Though I do feel he might assign you elsewhere if we started dating, I'm not really sure."

"So the only way you're confident he won't take that route is if we go in there on Monday and tell him we decided not to be together and maintain a professional relationship."

"The only sure way yes. I think if we said we wanted to try being together and asked for an opportunity to prove we can still be professional at work he would at least give us a few weeks."

"Can I say something honest and vulnerable, but try not to take it the wrong way?"

"You can tell me anything."

"I feel like I have no idea how to tell what love is, how anyone can look at another person and say they love them is something I've never truly been able to comprehend. Though that could be because I've always been so afraid of messing it up that I haven't really given it a chance."

"I'm terrified too. As far as knowing for sure I don't think it's the same for everyone. I've heard people talk about lovey dovey feelings and I think that's hormones. I know I have a lot of hormonal responses to you, have since the first time I saw you. I realized I loved you when I thought about all the things that make you different form everyone else, how I let you in when I push everyone else away. My mom is the only person whose ever been here, did you know that? I've never shared my tea mixes with anyone, I don't even let people see my car let alone ride in it. The first time I admitted to myself that I'd fallen for you was when I looked at you and wanted to kiss you. You weren't doing anything in particular just sitting in my office with me doing a mock interview. I got distracted and stopped answering because all I could think about was what it would be like. I'm not exactly a virgin, but I've never kissed any of the girls I hooked up with. I was actually really afraid I'd screwed it up when I did kiss you."

Shit, if that's what love means then maybe it's already too late for me. I'm not as closed off about everything as he is, but I do have lines I wouldn't normally cross that I jump over for him without a second thought. The way I hunted him down the day he was drunk and went to him. I told myself it was my job to babysit him and make sure he didn't get in trouble, but that's not true. The fact I wanted to stay here with him even though I knew it meant figuring out what to wear for work the next day. How I dressed myself today hoping he would ask me to help him pack and jumped to make the fastest time possible to be here. The fact that sex isn't the only thing I think about wanting to do when I think about him told me I liked him for more than just the way he looks, but when I really think about it when did I ever want to make a meal with someone? When did I ever wish I could sit with someone silently reading our own separate books? When have I ever cared so much about making another person happy? Even with mom I've always been of the opinion that to try to make someone else happy is a waste of time. I never spent this kind of time with Jason, never wanted to. Could it be that my lack of sexual interest in him came from my lack of feelings for him?

"You ok?" I snap up looking at him eyes wide "I was just thinking about what you said. I think I know what I want. It's time I stop overthinking everything. Whatever Jeanist does I can recover from it in time. I can't stand the thought of not giving us a chance." He smiles making his way over to me, sliding his right arm around my waist. "Y/N, I love you. Please be my girlfriend" My heart feels like it's going to explode and I'm floating on air. "I can't say those three words, not yet. I'm still too afraid." He leans in kissing my cheek. "That's ok, no rush. The more important part right now is the question. I feel like I can't breathe in fear you may say no." I chuckle at the absurdity. "I don't know how you think I could say no, Katsuki, I'd be so happy to be your girlfriend." When he pulls me close kissing my lips I feel the air leave my lungs. Shit, please don't hurt me, I'm trusting you with my heart.