| CHAPTER ONE |

Amelia

My eyes slowly flickered open as a low grunt left my lips, an irritating buzzing taking over my ears. With the tiniest effort, I looked down at my body to find out I was lying on a bed, covered by thin blue sheets. I attempted to sit up, but couldn't sustain my upper body, I didn't have enough strength whatsoever.

Parts of the dream flashed through my mind as I slightly scratched my scalp. No, it wasn't just a dream, it was a memory. Why did I dream about the day I left the mental institution? From all the good new memories I had acquired in the past year, why did I dream about that dreadful day?

"You awake, huh." I turned to my left to find the source of that voice and my eyes met Gusion's bare toned back. He threw a dark green shirt over his shoulder while making his way towards the bed, siting on its end.

I tried to sit up once again, this time succeeding, "The fuck you doing here, Collins?"

"Sweet as always, aye? Just came to borrow a clean shirt since little Dan threw vodka and cake on mine." He said putting on the shirt and sticking a spliff in between his lips, my eyes automatically rolled at the thought of those two kids playing and throwing cake around the house. Gusion grabbed a silver lighter from his front pocket and lit his spliff up, took a draw and handed it to me. I rubbed my forehead while taking one as well, the pounding was vanishing, but I still felt a bit dizzy. I took another long draw and held the smoke in for a few seconds while handing it back to him.

"Is it hurting?" He pointed to my head with his chin while coughing a bit, "You must have hit it hard when you fell."

I was certain that confusion was all over my face. When and from where did I fall?

He let out a low sigh as the spliff made its way back to his lips, "We found you passed out in the bathroom, Dan and I." He paused as a small cloud of smoke escaped through the corner of his lips, "You should drink carefully next time."

I backed up against the bed frame while folding my arms, "You should mind your own business next time."

He stood up rolling his eyes, as he just heard a remark from a kid, "That's what I get for trying to be fuckin' nice, huh? Screw this." He walked towards the door and stopped for a second before facing me again, a sarcastic smile on his lips, "And tell that boyfriend of yours to stop trying to play big guy with me or I'll punch his baby face."

"He's not-" He slammed the door behind him before I could finish my sentence. I rested my head on the bed frame as I looked up at the ceiling waiting for his words to sink in. No, not the ones about my boyfriend -Which for the record, I don't have-, the ones about me on the bathroom floor.

Soon everything started to come back to mind. From the time I woke up and went shopping with my dado, to the time I stopped partying with my friends claiming I was gonna freshen up. I didn't remember drinking that much or getting so wasted to the point I'd pass out. I didn't remember because that didn't happen, I was on what we call K-hole.

I didn't go to the bathroom to freshen up, that was a pathetic excuse because I needed one more dose of the drug that would supposedly help me to get through the rest of the night without being a burden to everyone around.

Ha, ironic, innit.

Dreaming about that day didn't feel so weird anymore considering I was on drugs for an entire day. I knew what would happen if my loved ones found out about my recent little incidents, and even not being conscious, guilt was rising inside me.

I grabbed a dark denim jacket that was by my side as I sat up, slipping on my Chuck Taylors. The party was still going on, so staying in that room wasn't an option, I had to go back so my friends could see I was all good... Sort of.

***

Waking down the stairs was easier than I thought it would be, the corridors weren't that blurred to me and my head no longer hurt that much. I stumbled on my feet as I walked to the living room, stopping by the light wood doorway where stood a tall brunette guy trying to clean the frosting from his face.

"You missed some messy cake action." He laughed briefly as he slightly shook his head side to side.

"Yeah, your bessie told me." He laughed shortly as I pointed at Gusion in the middle of the living room with my chin.

The drunken kids chatting and dancing around filled the room in order to celebrate the game we had won earlier, most of them couldn't even stand properly without help from their friends. Some were thrown over chairs and on the corners, puking their dignity out along with the excessive alcohol. I had missed the good part of the party and all that had left was the shit show.

As I looked around, a male figure appeared behind Gusion, approaching him for a greeting between, what it seemed like, old friends. The smile dissipated from my face in the matter of a second, and any positive feelings I had turned into a mix of anger and, as much as I tried to deny it to myself, fear.

"Don't tell me you invited him..." I told Daniel while eye contact was made between Jason and I, as he walked towards us. He was one of the two people I expected to never meet again in my life.

I dragged myself towards and into the kitchen, going straight to one of the cabinets, ignoring his voice attempting to call me out and the couple that chatted and flirted by the kitchen doorway. When I noticed, my lips were glued to a bottle of Jose, my most loyal friend since I can remember. It burnt a bit as the liquid went straight down my throat with no breaks to breathe, but at the same time it felt good.

Jason Stevens brought back memories of the biggest mistake I've ever made, and with that, a mix of feelings that could drag me down in a heartbeat, he was a reminder that his cousin, Carter, existed. I could not stand be near Jason because once upon a time we were friends, but it turned out things weren't how I thought they were, and neither was he.

Carter Stevens was the biggest mistake I've ever made. He was my first date, first crush, first boyfriend... The first one to have all of me. He was the first one to have my heart, and the first and only one who shattered it. I was so deeply in love with him even being only fourteen, for the time we were together I used to think we'd actually be together forever, barely I knew how stupid I was being, by thinking that and by being with him.

A beeping sound snapped me out of my thoughts and made me realize the jacket I was wearing was Tristan's, the boyfriend Gusion mentioned to me. I picked his mobile to see if it was an important call and there was a text message on the screen by the name of Rose.

"Hey, don't forget dinner tomorrow night at 7, xo"

I assumed it was his stepmom due her name being Rose, so I slid the phone back into the pocket on his jacket and returned to my drinking.

"Oh look, she's finally awake!" My friend Heather laughed while walking in my direction with Martin, her boyfriend, by her side, as if trying to stop her from getting near me. It was pretty obvious she had drank more than she could handle considering she wasn't walking straight.

"I'm impressed, Amy, you made the night be about you again... Did you get enough attention or do you need some more?" She grabbed her chin as if contemplating her own question. I knew she always said more than she wanted when she drank, we had that in common, but her anger didn't seem like a drunk moment to me. She was really trying to make me feel bad for what happened, and she was succeeding.

"We can talk when you're sober, Heather." I sighed.

"Good, because if we depended on your sobriety, we would never speak again." She chuckled, I looked at Martin who rubbed her back while mouthing the words 'don't mind her'.

For my luck, I spotted Tristan going into the living room, and since I wasn't in the mood for drunk Heather, I didn't think twice before walking past them and going after Tris. I gave him a hug from behind and whispered for us to get out of there, he nodded in agreement and so we did.

***

Tristan and I sat on the grass in the Yes of the house, my head resting on his broad shoulders. The day had turned into something very different from what I expected it to be, in a total negative way, but having him there eased it a little.

"I see passing out wasn't enough to make you stop." He joked about the cup in my hands and I playfully shrugged in response. "I don't think I've ever seen that happen to you, how much have you drank?" He questioned.

Tristan was very caring of me, that's one of the reasons why I was still going out with him. He knew I was a heavy drinker, so me passing out because of that was a bit odd to him.

"Accidentally mixed with some antibiotics." I gave him a peck and smiled, "Don't worry."

He threw his left arm around me, engulfing me in a hug, "You're crazy, Amelia."

I did not want for him to worry about me like everyone else did. Tristan didn't know much about me or my past, our thing was just casual and I decided it was best if he didn't know about some stuff, like my disorders and addiction. He'd be just one more person for me to disappoint with my poor decisions.

My friends, my family... I was disappointing them all and when they tried to help, I got mad. I knew they worried because they knew my bad habits were destroying me little by little, but how could I give up on things that helped me deal with my own self?

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