Chapter Seventeen

KELECHI'S POV

   You would think that immediately we reached home, we would get the chance to freshen up and relax. After all, we were just coming back home.

  "Mama! Mama!" Ify screamed immediately she opened the door for us. "Kelechi and bro Uche has come back!" With her little feet, she ran towards wherever mama was.

   "Ehen! They have come back. Go and meet your mommy. Tell her mama wants her car keys. Oya go!" We could hear mama say and she came to the living room.

  Ben and I had just entered the living room and were about to receive mama's wrath. The anticipation of what she was going to do to us made the air thick. My heart raced at the thought that we were in deep trouble. The echo of Mama's foot step did not help matters at all. My feet felt stuck to the ground.

" Mama, good afternoon." I greeted mama immediately she was in the living room, hoping to lighten the mood. Yes, it was afternoon already. The usual Lagos traffic kept us away from our pending punishment.

  "Good afternoon, mama!" Ben greeted after me. It was not very obvious, but there was a slight tremor in the way he greeted. I bet being on Mama's bad side was not on his list when he travelled back.

  " It is not me you will kill. You won't kill me before my time...." Mama started scolding us live and direct. " ...I did not kill my mother. Why did the two of you go out without telling anybody?" She threw both of her slippers at us. Strangely, despite the fact I tried dodging her slipper, it still hit me. How did mama get so good at this?

  "Especially you! Kelechi!" Mama pointed at me. " You don't want to change your ways." She walked towards me and grabbed my arm before hitting my butt severally. "You this child, you will not kill me because I didn't killy mother. "

   "Ahh! Mama sorry." I pleaded to her hoping she would stop hitting me. My but was starting to hurt seriously.

  " Come on , shut up! If I hear pim..." Just when I thought that she would stop, she struck me at my back.

  The pain was too much. I didn't know when struggled out of her hold.

  "And you!" Mama pointed at Ben. "You want to put me inside trouble. Assuming something bad happened but God forbid, people will say I have used my grandson for ritual." Her speech did not stop her from dragging Ben by his ears.

  "Kelechi, if you know what's good for you, better follow me."

  She dragged Ben by one of his ears as she walked to the garage. She passed through the back.

  " Since you like being a driver, you are going to wash all these cars. She handed him two car keys before calling our local broadcaster. " Ify! Ify! Ify!"

  " Mama, I'm coming!" We could hear her voice echo as she rushed to give mama something.

  " Mama take." She gave mama a car key. Mama wasted no time in giving Ben that car key.

  " Kelechi, what's the time now?"

  "It's ten minutes to one." I replied quickly.

  "Ehen! Uche, by the time it's two o' clock. If I come here and these cars are not clean, I will deal with you seriously. You will be wondering if I'm even your grandmother." She finally released his ear.

    "Okay." Ben was struggling to act cool in that situation.

  "Okay what? Do I look like your mate?" Mama snapped at him.

  "Okay, ma."

  "Better!" Mama faced me next. It seemed like it was my turn then.

   ***

  An hour later, I was pounding fufu¹. Fufu for fourteen people! We were going to eat the fufu for dinner. But, mama had me pounding it now because I would be too busy in the evening. You might be wondering what she thought I would be too busy with. Even I was puzzled.

   It turned out that she had given the CWO ( Catholic Women Organization) my name to as a volunteer. Yep! I was going to be the official errand girl this evening. Mama said that since I liked going out that much, I was going enjoy myself there.

   The CWO was going to prepare a delicacy that they would send to the nearest orphanage, convent and the priest house.

  I was about to shout "What have I done to deserve this?". But, I decided that would be a bad ideal. Definitely a bad idea.

  I was at the kitchen struggling to pound away any lump in the fufu when mama decided to check on me.

  "See how you are pounding the fufu. Is that how you will be pounding it in your husband's house?"

   I almost retorted that I didn't have a husband but kept quiet. Talking back at mama was equal to digging my grave. I also knew that not saying anything would land me in trouble too.

  "Mama, I'm trying na." I said instead.

   "Trying keh. After all I taught you. Come on, use your strength jare. Are you petting the fufu or pounding it? If this fufu have paracetamol everywhere, it won't be funny o!" She referred to the little lumps in the fufu as paracetamol.

"Give me that pestle jare." Mama took the pestle from me to demonstrate how it was done. Pounding vigorously against the mortar, soon the fufu was looking smooth.

I was secretly happy mama was helping me. Seriously, I was not sure how I was going to make it look edible at least.

"Can you see it? See how I'm pounding it." Mama gave it a final pound. "Better use style and get it now o. With the way you were pounding fufu, I don't know what you'll feed your husband in the future o!"

"Everytime husband, husband, husband. What if I decide not to get married?" I wasn't sure if it was because of the frustration of how that day was going. I just don't know what got into me.

"Ah! God forbid! I help you and rebuke it. You don't know what you're saying. You will get married in Jesus name." I knew it was my que to say amen but I didn't. "What are you waiting for. Better say amen. Or do you what to end up like Carol that is getting close to her fifties and using pregnancy to trap a man into marriage? Ah! God forbid o! Say amen jare!"

"Amen!" Both mama and I said.

"Oya package the fufu in the cooler, let me see how far Uche has gone." I started pitying Ben immediately mama left the kitchen.

GLOSSARY

Fufu: it's a Nigerian dish, popularly done in the southern part of Nigeria. It is made from cassava and best eaten with soup.