Chapter 67

Thomas awoke in panic, panting heavily. Another nightmare. Cecilia was sound asleep on his left. It had been a week since he started having these dreams of dead people. Every time he would awake with a bad feeling in his gut. He sighed and paced around the room. He needed some fresh air. The night air had a bite to it. It reminded him of the night he had disclosed the plans of murder to Carina. He hadn't seen her in 3 days. Perhaps she was in the garden?

Thomas was disappointed to see her regular seat vacant. What was he thinking? She was asleep in her chamber. But he couldn't go back to his. He felt restless. The memory of his last dream still remained fresh in his head. It was from his childhood, before Carina was even born. He was playing with Lord Howards. But then he said something. Something very off-putting. The thought alone sent a chill down his spine.

"You will be childless", Were his exact words. It was foolish. Dreams didn't make sense. But the way Lord Howards looked at him, was indeed feral. His eyes were obsidian. Thomas furrowed his eyebrows. But wait, he had the same eyes as Carina. They weren't obsidian.. Then what was that twisted dream? The sound of a twig breaking caught his attention. Carina stood there looking sheepish, like a child caught stealing candy. Thomas gaped at the basket in her hand, filled with Strawberries.

"Care to explain?" His voice was stoic but his eyes gleamed with amusement.

"I-I was just.... hungry." She blushed. Another humiliating incident... great! "Wh-Why are you here?"

"Needed fresh air."

"Where's your wife? She let you out alone?" The scoff in her words made Thomas roll his eyes. Carina plopped down beside him on the grass. His lack of response only fueled her irritation. If he wasn't going to talk, neither would she. Instead, she busied herself in indulging the strawberries. Thomas took the silence to observe her. Carina looked messy. Her hair had lost the usual shine, her cheeks were hollow, eyes red. She had lost weight as well. Thomas felt himself frown.

"Are you not eating properly?"

"You don't care about that." Her reply was quick, partially muffled by the chewing of strawberries. He sighed.

"Why are you so pissed?"

"I have plenty of reasons. You would know them had you been involved in my life more."

"You know why I can't do that. I have responsibilities." Carina remained silent. Thomas snatched the basket from her lap.

"Hey! Give it ba-"

"That's enough strawberries for one night. You'll get food poisoning." He gently scolded, his frown mirroring hers. "Now tell me. Why are you so angry with me? What have I done?"

"You've done nothing. All of you have done no fucking wrong. It's me. I'm the one to blame for everything."

"You shouldn't curse. You're a lady. And keep your voice down. If someone caught us at this hour together, they'd jump to wrong conclusions." Carina stilled at that. She knew she was being childish. But a secret part of her hoped that Thomas would see how much pain she was in. And perhaps provide comfort... Instead he seemed frustrated with her, annoyed even. She felt even more negative.

They were sitting right there, side by side but the distance between them felt like mountains. When they were children, Thomas would read her like an open book. He would know just by a glance how she felt. But after all these years, when Carina felt herself drowning, he wasn't even blinking an eye. Had he changed so much? Or was it just her, who mistook his kindness for something more? Something illogical? The sudden hollowness in her eyes striked a surge of emotions in Thomas. He needed to handle her better.

"I don't mean to hurt you. You should know that." Carina chose to stare at the grass. "This family is fucked up. Everyone is dysfunctional, I know. But they're important to me, Canny." The desparation in his voice made Carina look at him. Why did it sound like he was struggling?

"They're the only family I've ever had. If mother-in-law hadn't accepted me, I would be on the streets, probably dead from the cold. Without Cecilia, I'm nothing. Just an orphan with no clue where he belongs." Carina looked dumb. Why was he suddenly saying all this?

"Whenever I look at you, I feel tremendous guilt. Guilt because I've found my place. I'm in peace but you're not. You're in pain. Life isn't supposed to be so hard for a girl like you. But it is. Because I've failed." His voice was watery. "I failed to protect you. I abandoned you like a selfish coward. I promised you a future but couldn't keep it. I watched you get married to a monster in silence. And I was about to watch you get annulled for being unfaithful. If I had just protested, raised my voice in all the right times, your life would be a lot better." He was on the verge of tears.

"Still the silly cry baby aren't you?" Thomas was shocked at the scene. Carina was laughing like an idiot.