20 - Sing-Song

[Eliza's POV]

Ok. Breathe in. Breathe out. It's okay. I've got this. The performance is in a day. That's ages away! Eh, not really. But I've been practising for ages! Come on! I'm in one of the college's music rooms, all alone, trying to do warm ups without a guilty conscience. Singing is my passion, except that no one knows it, not even my sisters, and they know everything about me. I do the basic ones.

"Mi-mi-ma-ma-moo!" I continue the scale in higher octaves. I move onto the childish do-re-mi after that and then sing the starting notes. My breathing isn't controlled at all. I have to start again.

"You could never know what it's like, your blood like winter freezes just like ice..." I'm vocalising in my pitch because I obviously can't do his one. He is a master of his time. I tap the beat with my foot as I'm accustomed to and move my hands to and fro to keep myself steady, and soon enough I reach the chorus, and then I'm in the zone.

"I'M STILL STANDING!" I belt it out with perfection but such a good amount of passion that I feel like nothing could go wrong. Ever! This represents me perfectly, the one always trashed to the side, the one with no one to love or hold onto… I wanted him so badly! And he… Well can't blame him. John is hot. Just… Had no clue. This is just stupid thinking of him like that, so I travel back to staring at the empty instruments and doing what I do best. Singing. I let it take time away from me, I allowed myself to flow like the wind with it, I let it consume me. I always do that.

Some time back, I asked my vocal teacher if I could choose the song. Sad thing adults do, crushing people's hopes and dreams. At first he said, "No. Shut up." But he eased into it because I was extremely persistent. And talented, if I do say so myself. I kept coming to rehearsals in my own time, making sure I had everything prepared, sheet music and such. I learnt all the scales and memorised them off by heart. I even did background research on the song itself and semi-pointless things on why it was created, inspirations and motifs. He's such a stubborn man! He wouldn't let me! He'd just watch, and wait, and after each session he told me the same thing. "Come back next time, Eliza." Ugh. So I continued, time and time again, receiving the same message every week. My blood was boiling so horrifically I nearly gave up in general, and once he had seen my eyes watering, soul crushed, that very next lesson he accepted me. He said, "I didn't know I was breaking you. You can have it. Go chase your dreams, Eliza."

Go chase your dreams.

I repeat the tune at least four times over, sitting down and drinking the water I had nearby, and just as I was, he arrives at the soundproof door with someone else. Am I being replaced? I better not be.

"Mr Jenkins!" I stand up breathless. "What brings you here?"

"Well, Eliza. Your performance is in excellent condition! You are a shining star!" I can't help but grin. He places a finger at his chin before proceeding. There's a catch, of course. "But. I have a proposal…" He gestures to the man next to him. "We'll make this a duet! It's going to be absolutely fantastic, Eliza!" My face almost drains white. I can feel it. I'm clenching my teeth to keep myself sane, fists doing the same to keep myself balancing.

"I earned this! Why can't I seize it with all I have! I'm sorry, Mr Jenkins, but it took me weeks, months to fight for my position until I finally cracked. You could've at least given me two weeks notice!"

"But I couldn't, my schedule was full, and this was my only free time--Look," He walks closer, leaving the guy lingering by the door, "The idea sprung on me three or so days ago and you know me, the--"

"Spontaneous idea guy." I say through gritted teeth.

"Exactly, darling! Well, I'll leave him in your care, and you guys jam out for the next few days…"

I'm suddenly filled with a fleeting feeling, which I'm thinking is hope. This could work now. I just have to make it… "So you cancelled the concert and extended our session periods? For how long? Another week?!"

"I did!"

"Well, thank--" Oh. He's gone. I'm left with this guy. I don't know him at all, so I smile and gesture to the music stand I have set up. He nods and steps right on in. It's awkward. Very awkward.

"I don't think I've met you before…" I'm just able to let out.

"Neither." He replies with much more strength than me.

"Are you in any of my--"

"Yes. I sit in the back of your Economics class..."

"Wait, then…"

"I never see you look at the back. I don't think you ever have… Anyway, I'm Felix." He holds out his hand.

"Eliza." I reply, and we shake on it. He clearly knows my name because his eyes widen a fraction. I keep my distance and look at him for a minute or two. Curly black hair, faded blue eyes, fairly light skin, but tan marks are evident. He's probably a surfer, this Felix dude, but then again, I can't assume. Without my knowledge, he's taken up singing. We sit down on the couch and toss around a few questions. I don't like to hear myself internally saying this, but the musical sensation can wait, Mr Jenkins.

"When did you--"

"Since last year." It's like he's reading my mind, "I kinda just… snuck into it. My parents had some influence. My mum's a trendsetter of a singer…"

I study his face to identify, "Amelie?!"

"Yup!" He smiles and laughs. I'm sure he's proud of her but I can sense the embarrassment hiding within. "The Amelie Henderson."

"Oh, my God! I didn't know we had legends in the making at our college…" I bury my face in my hands. I'm a total utter fangirl wreck. "I love her songs…"

"Well, thanks, I guess..." He pauses. I look up and his face is glossed over with resignation.

"I'm sorry, I just, haven't met you before…"

"Evidently." He says with a huff, standing up and starting scales. I'm still catching my breath, so I stay put and listen, trying not to look up at him, because I thought he'd feel embarrassed. Most of them are, but his eyes settle on mine, wide and desperate. It clicks. In some ways, Felix is just like me. Alone, mostly. Craving attention. Ignored a lot. A man full of secrets.

He's doing ones I haven't heard before. He's going, "La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!" and pausing in between, then going up occasionally in pitch. It sounds like the scales are meant to be accompanied by piano, but he's doing them without. He's memorised them all, just like me. My breath is slowly on its way to recovery, and boy, singing does take the energy out of you. You just have to deal with it, embrace it with all you have. That's what you do if you're committed. He catches his breath and grabs his water bottle, drinking loads.

"Before we begin, I just want to ask, how did you get Mr Jenkins on your side?" I ask him. He gives me a stare. "I mean, only if--"

"I'm not a nobody. He picked me because I had skill." He moves closer and shrugs.

I can't help but rant. Maybe the compassion will burst out of Felix if I do… But no! I'm ranting out of rage. "But I have skill!" I point to myself, trying to make it all the more rant-like, "He only picked me because I was a real baby in front of him. He doesn't care!" Something's erupting inside of me, and I haven't felt it since God knows how long. "I swear to God that Jenkins, I'm going to--"

"Whoa, calm down, Eliza…" He places a hand on my shoulder and I flick my head to the side, eyes blinking rapidly. I can't believe what I'm seeing, moreover, I can't believe what I'm feeling. This is new. "Feeling better?" He smirks, hand still on my shoulder as they rise and fall with my slow breaths. I'm savouring this for whatever reason, but I should be allowed to. This is nothing like Alex. That was just a figment of my imagination, believing that I even had a shot, only to find out he had come out and ruined everything for me. Felix's motives are indescribable, but they feel normal all the same. And he looks straight for that matter.

"Can we begin?" I ask after our pause in time. He seems satisfied with my request. He grabs another music stand and I spread out the sheets between them.

Our voices are lovely. Correction. His voice is lovely. I mean, sure, mine's nice, but all sense talking, his is like an angel. As I belt out the chorus as always, he sings it with a flow I would never be able to possess. It sounds like he's singing, but singing loudly so it doesn't seem crazy. By the time we are nearing the end the passion grows until nothing can stop the harmony that is overflowing. He's beaming at me and I'm grinning at him. We take our eyes off the music and let our eyes rest on each other's faces. He lets out a sigh. I giggle a little and honestly I don't feel the least bit bad. I can't help it.

"Good session?" His face rests into a normal position as he packs up the music stand he set up, handing me the sheets.

"Great session. We'll have to go every day if we want to make the cutoff." My voice turns into a growl. I lower my head to the floor. "Keep Jenkins happy…" I cross my arms and pace.

Felix comes in front of me, blocking my path and stands a hair's breadth away. I can feel his breath warm and slow on my face.

"You don't think about him!" He encourages me. His smile is so wide but serious at the same time. Now I know it's working. "I could tell the passion in your voice was guaranteed to win him over, he just doesn't want to admit it. Anyway, you're awesome. Why wouldn't he want you?" He taps his forehead.

"I dunno…" I can feel the water welling up. Soon enough it'll be ready to burst. I turn around to stop myself facing humiliation, but as I do he swivels round, the cheeky bugger! "No, Felix, no!" I'm rubbing my eyes and letting it all out. I move to the very corner of the room and crouch down like an injured animal. He doesn't even hesitate on following me there. And here is the problem. Is this even real? Is this even genuine? I mean, I don't know anything about love! I'm crying like the little weakling I am and he's just sitting there by me, waiting for me to finish! Watching me! My tears are drying up pretty slowly, but I've been humiliated for real now.

"It's good to cry…" He whispers, placing a finger at my face and drying off a tear. I flinch.

"Not really…" I reply.

"Yes, it is."

"It makes me look like a wimp."

"No, it makes you brave for even admitting that. To a guy you've hardly met before! What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Eliza." He wipes off some more and I don't move this time. I look him in the eyes knowing that I'm showing my full self to him. My prominent vulnerable side. "And don't you forget that." I sob-laugh. He's good at all this. I dry up the rest of my tears and stand up, packing away my things. He's about to leave the door when I confront him, more than a hair's breadth away.

"I'm Eliza!" I exclaim with joyousness, holding out my hand.

"Lovely, Eliza! I'm Felix!" We shake on it once more, and he pecks me on the cheek, totally out of the blue. I make it a mission to file away my excitement as he dawdles off. The nervousness is gone, and I sigh and hum the tune some more while I walk to the dorm, letting time pass. Angelica's there, on her computer.

"Where were you?" She spins around on the swivel chair she's sitting on.

I give her a look, "Out." I grab my computer and work on a few things. She senses nothing, even me humming and smirking doesn't trigger her. That's until the metal detector comes in.

"I'm ba-aack!" She enters the room and we all look up at her like she's a celebrity. "How was every-- Eliza." She takes one look at me and can see her eyes lighting up like a detector would. She kneels down and whispers sternly in my ear, "Outside. Now." No one can or will go against Peggy, the literal love detector. She practically has to drag me there. I fill her in.

"Oh, he did now?!" She shrieks. "Lizi! I didn't know you had it in you to get him to--"

"Hush. It's a secret to everyone. Even Angelica. IF YOU BREAK IT---" I'm about to blow.

"Deal." She smiles mischievously.

"YOU BETTER NOT--"

"Bye!" She sprints to the door and slams it shut. I let out a shaky breath and unlock it.

"So, no dramas?" Angelica looks up at us, raising an eyebrow.

"No dramas!" We squeal in unison. Peggy runs to her bed and crashes on it, and I plug in my headphones and zone out. That's that. Not a single word more.