All My Fault

I'm flying again.

My back muscles pull with each stroke of my wings, such a familiar sensation. But everything else is different. Rather than the soft pink of dawn, the sky is deep black. There is no flying city in sight, only stars scattered like hundreds of tiny jewels.

The air is so cold it makes me cough. But I don't stop flying. I have to – I have to -

I'm searching for something. Somewhere in this vast field of stars, there's something I desperately need to find.

Where, where is it? All the stars look the same. Cold and white and distant.

Wait. Not all of them. One star – the smallest, the furthest away – glows a brilliant blue.

In an instant, I know. This is what I've been trying to reach.

I force all my strength into my sore muscles, bringing my wings down. Hot knives of pain twist through my shoulder blades, but I don't care. Anything to bring me to the blue star. Anything.

But it remains stubbornly tiny, a pinprick in the vast darkness. The distance never shrinks. Still, I struggle onward, even as each flap grows weaker and weaker....

~*~

Theo opened his eyes.

He saw a low ceiling slanting above him, tasted smoky incense in the air. A heavy comforter covered his chest.

Hadn't he been here before? Wasn't this...Meg's place?

This didn't make any sense. The last thing he remembered, he'd been – flying toward a blue star. No, that had been a dream. In reality....

A black chamber. Victor transforming into Michel Rose. Zenith's arm sailing a terrifying arc through the air. The pink diagram spreading across the floor, the blades of light spinning around Zenith.

Theo bolted upright. The comforter slid away, but it still felt like an oppressive weight was crushing his ribcage. Suddenly panicked, he writhed and clawed at the air.

Only for a firm, cool hand to grip his shoulder. The familiar touch, the long fingers pressing into his skin, cut through the haze in his mind. He gasped in a deep, grateful breath before turning to face the owner of the hand.

It was Zenith, of course. Back in his glamour, but more disheveled than Theo had ever seen him. His shirt was untucked and unbuttoned at the collar, his hair loose, no glasses in sight. When he saw the dark bags beneath Zenith's eyes, Theo's heart skipped. He hadn't even known Zenith was capable of looking this tired.

Well, it made sense. He'd lost an arm, after all. Wait a minute....

Zenith was gripping Theo's shoulder with his left hand, but his right arm was quite intact, filling out his sleeve and resting by his side. Relief swooped through Theo, so dizzying it almost made him nauseous.

"You're – you're okay. Your arm – "

His voice came out so hoarse he barely recognized it. Zenith gave him a gentle little push.

"Don't force yourself. You can rest a little longer, if you want."

"No, no, I'm fine," Theo said quickly. "But you – "

"You needn't worry." Zenith's tone was light, but it sounded a little forced to Theo. His hand squeezed, then slipped away; foolishly, Theo found himself missing it. "Would you like anything to eat or drink? Lodovico has prepared some tea and light refreshment."

"I'm good." As his heartbeat calmed down, Theo glanced around the room. Sure enough, it was the same place where he'd awoken after that first battle with the dragon, though with the new addition of Sir Dareo on the bookshelf, strangely wearing an origami crown. The light slanting through the skylight window was rich and golden, making Theo start.

"What time is it?"

"It's 4:28 PM," Zenith said.

"Wait...are you serious?" Panic surged through Theo again. "On Monday? So – so I missed school? Shit, Dad's gonna – "

He tried lurching out of bed, but Zenith pushed down on his shoulder again. "It's all right, Theo."

All right? No way. Theo had never skipped school before. Even if Dad was hands-off at the best of times, he'd never take this sitting down.

"It really is. When your father called your phone, my liege answered pretending to be a school friend of yours. She explained you weren't feeling well and had to go home, and he seemed to accept this explanation."

Well. Breathing out, Theo collapsed against the pillow again. Thank everything for Darian's ability to bullshit. Some stupid childish part of him felt disappointed Dad hadn't immediately taken off work when he'd heard his son was sick, but it wasn't like Theo expected any different and besides, it made things a lot easier this way.

That wasn't the most important thing. Theo glanced back at Zenith. "So...are you really okay?"

Zenith nodded. "Like I said, you needn't worry."

"But – but he cut off your arm – " Theo choked on the words.

Zenith glanced at his right arm as if noticing it for the first time, then jerked his shoulder in a shrug. The motion seemed oddly slow and awkward, with none of his usual grace. "After you passed out, I believe Captain Mirage did something to collapse the arena. I was able to retrieve my arm before it closed, however. With my liege's and Lady Meg's help, it has been reattached."

Was it really that easy? "Can I see it?" Theo asked, stomach churning.

When Zenith hesitated, Theo's heart squeezed into a tight knot. But then he nodded stiffly and unbuttoned his shirt, pulling it off.

"Hey wait, you don't need to – " The words died in Theo's throat when his gaze landed on Zenith's right arm. It was wrapped in bandages all the way from his shoulder to the tips of his fingers.

"That looks like it hurts," Theo blurted.

"It doesn't." Zenith lifted his hand and flexed his fingers. Even that simple movement seemed labored, like he was fighting through tar. "The greatest shock I suffered was a sudden loss of Levia. My liege and Lady Meg were able to restore enough to allow me to reattach the arm. After that, it's only a matter of waiting until it fully regenerates."

"And how long will that take?"

"It will be fine," Zenith said softly, not meeting his gaze. Which wasn't an answer to his question, and they both knew it.

"Is there something I can do?" Theo leaned forward, gripping the comforter to keep his hands from shaking. "I'm your wizard."

"Theo." Zenith sounded faintly alarmed. "You ought to focus on recovering yourself. You used up most of your Levia back then."

Right, because he'd cast one of his dream-spells. He hadn't intended to – he'd only wanted to do something, anything, to save Zenith. Even now, remembering how his power had combined with Zenith's sent a little jolt through his Levia.

Had that been an elemental spell? It had felt completely different from all the other spells he'd used so far. Rather than just casting his Levia on Zenith, he felt like he had reached for the core of Zenith's power and activated something that had been slumbering there all along.

But none of this mattered now. Though it made his throat seize, he forced himself to stare at Zenith's bandaged arm again.

"I feel better now," he insisted, and it was true; a faint headache pounded in the back of his skull, but it was easy to ignore. All things considered, he felt rather refreshed. Then again, he'd spent the entire day sleeping. "Please, let me help you. This is all my fault."

"Your fault? Don't – "

"It is! Because I'm the idiot who fell into Michel Rose's trap in the first place. He called me pretending to be Victor, and I should have said no, that was the smart thing to do, but I – I just wanted to see him that badly. I thought...I thought I could persuade him to change sides. Without fighting."

He laughed bitterly. In the light of day, the whole idea seemed stupider than ever.

"If I wasn't such a fucking moron, you wouldn't have had to rescue me. You wouldn't have had to get hurt."

"That's – " Zenith breathed in sharply. "No, Theo. I made the choice to come to your aid. I sensed that you were in danger through the contract, and I knew I couldn't just ignore it."

So that was how Zenith had found him. Rather than reassure Theo, it only made him feel worse. His fingers twisted in the comforter, knuckles turning white. He tried to focus on irrelevant details – his chipping black nail polish, the pattern in the brocade– but it was no use.

Like it or not, his mind kept returning to the battle. No, to what had happened before. The words the illusion had spoken.

"I – I – that's right, I'm your wizard. I said I'd help you, that we'd be partners," Theo babbled, unable to fling the words away quickly enough. "But instead you keep suffering because of my stupid decisions. And I – the whole reason I'm fighting – it's selfish in the first place. Because I wanted to save Victor...that's a lie. I just – I wanted the old Victor back. I wanted to turn him into the brother I remember. But he never was that person."

His voice climbed higher and higher. What the hell was he even doing? Once again he was selfishly unloading his troubles on Zenith, but he couldn't stop. He had to get it out before it drove him insane.

"And – and – it'd be fine if it was just my selfish desire, b-but, but I had to drag you into it, I had to drag you into it and get you hurt, and I can't – there's no way I can ever forgive myself – "

"Theo!" Strong hands closed around his wrists. Instinctively, Theo tried to pull away, but the grip only clamped down harder.

Heart hammering, Theo stared into Zenith's face. His eyes were hard and serious, his mouth set in a thin, tight line.