That Damn Kiss

Three days later, Theo couldn't get that damn kiss out of his mind.

At the time, he'd barely gotten to process it before Sam had barged in, screaming her head off about how worried she'd been and how glad she was that she was okay. Then she'd dragged him off to dinner, and Theo very well couldn't tell everyone that he'd just made out with Zenith, could he?

Not to mention Zenith had been acting like everything was perfectly normal. Explaining his recovery, he'd simply stated that Theo had helped him recharge his Levia and the others accepted this without question.

Given how blase Zenith was being about it, Theo wondered if maybe this wasn't supposed to be normal. 'Directly transferring Levia through the contract,' Zenith had called it.

So...so did Meg and Lodo also...? The image simply refused to gel in his mind, and he couldn't be more thankful for that. Looking at them cheerfully chatting at the dinner table, he knew he'd never be able to bring it up.

Now three days later Zenith was still acting like nothing had changed. No flirtatious glances or suggestive touches, just the usual calm politeness. So maybe it had been no big deal after all.

If only it could be that simple on Theo's end. Whenever they were together, his gaze often ended up drifting toward Zenith's mouth, tracing the elegant curve of his lips, and he'd remember how they had felt pressed against his own and his entire body would burn like he'd swallowed a fireball. Which wasn't helping him memorize the elemental spell any faster.

Zenith noticed, of course. Once or twice, he asked if Theo was feeling all right. Embarrassed, all Theo could do was stammer that he was still a little tired from the battle.

Coward. Why couldn't he just tell Zenith the truth? Flat out ask him about the kiss, what he'd been thinking, what it had meant to him. But just the thought of talking about it made him want to choke from embarrassment, not to mention he had no idea where to even begin.

What did he think about it? His first kiss. With Zenith. Well, he wouldn't lie, he'd enjoyed it.

Because...because Zenith was good at kissing? Yeah, there was that, but also...did he...like Zenith?

Every time his thoughts turned this direction, Theo burned so hot he felt like even the world's longest cold shower wouldn't be able to cool him down. Did he like Zenith? He couldn't help but remember the aquarium date, how conscious he'd been of Zenith's body so close to his own. And all the times they'd fought together, working in perfect sync. And – and – the times when he touched Theo, his hands always gentle even when covered in armor.

Theo did think Zenith was more beautiful than anyone he'd ever met. He liked spending time with Zenith, liked seeing Zenith smile. Especially when Zenith smiled because of him. He wanted to impress Zenith, to make him think well of him.

Was that...romantic love? Theo wouldn't know. He'd never been in love before. Listened to plenty of songs about it, but they mostly involved bad relationships and breakups.

If he was in love with Zenith, did Zenith feel the same?

Maybe if he was a normal person – if Zenith was a normal person – Theo would've felt more certain. After all, Zenith had initiated the kiss. But only because he'd wanted to transfer Levia, right?

Theo hated himself for thinking this way, but did Zenith even know what love was? Yes, he had emotions, he wasn't just a mindless machine, but that didn't change the fact that he'd spent so long thinking of himself as that machine. He was only beginning to come to terms with feelings of like and dislike; asking him to understand love might be too much at this point in time.

Which meant there was no point in trying to ask him about it. What could Theo even begin to say? 'For me, that kiss was totally out of the blue. But did it mean anything to you?'

Hey, those could be lyrics.

Maybe writing a song might help him make sense of this mess. It seemed to work for his favorite singers, after all. But he had about as much success with it as he had with memorizing the elemental spell. His mind kept drifting away from the pencil and page, replaying not just the kiss but every interaction he'd ever had with Zenith.

Dammit, he couldn't function like this. 'Just talk to him!' Ha, if only it was that easy.

The best thing to do was to forget about it, put it behind him like Zenith had. Transferring Levia. That was all it was. No point trying to read anything deeper into it. But Theo couldn't so easily stuff the genie back into the bottle now that he'd realized he might be in love with Zenith.

None of this was doing any wonders for his concentration, of course. So far he had yet to successfully cast the elemental spell. His normally reliable memory short-circuited every time he tried to recall the spell's details, treating him to constant replays of the kiss instead.

The few occasions he did succeed in remembering the spell, he still wasn't able to cast it right. The diagram would appear and he'd reach for Zenith's Levia just like he had in that last battle with Victor, but every time he approached the core of crystalline power, memories of the kiss would hit him like a sack of bricks. Just like that, his concentration would break, and the diagram would collapse and he'd be left drained of Levia and feeling like the world's biggest dumbass.

Today went just as well as all the others, meaning not at all. Theo was exhausted and irritated, drenched in sweat, and even Zenith seemed a bit worn out. It was hard to tell since Theo tried to avoid looking at his face as much as possible, but he thought the skin beneath his eyes still looked unhealthily dark.

Meg sighed, folding her arms, and Theo felt a sharp stab of guilt. She was doing her best to teach him and he kept failing because of his own stupid hang-ups.

"Don't get discouraged," she said, smiling at him. "It is difficult. There's more to this than just memorizing the spell, after all. You need to sync perfectly with your familiar's Levia, and that's not exactly something that can be explained with a single lecture. You have to be able to feel your way to it yourself."

"I know." Theo couldn't meet her gaze. "Thanks, Meg."

"Of course. So buck up, kid." Her perfume drifted over him and he jumped when she touched his shoulder. "Though I have to say, you seem to be having difficulty with memorizing the spell this time around. I'm a bit surprised since that's always been your strong point."

Theo blushed and lowered his gaze further. "I just – I guess I'm still a little tired. Sorry."

"No need to apologize." Meg patted his shoulder. "Try not to work yourself too hard. If you need to rest, then go ahead. Shall we call it a day?"

Theo was a little too eager to collapse the arena and head back upstairs. Unfortunately, Zenith followed him.

"Theo," he called softly. "Are you all right?"

"I – I'm fine." Theo wished his voice didn't come out so strangled. This was the worst damn part of it all – he was making Zenith worry for no good reason. "I mean it, I'll feel better after I rest."

"You said that yesterday," Zenith said, sounding doubtful.

"I – uh – well – "

"And your Levia...." Zenith paused. "It feels...unsteady. Normally it's a gentle glow, but lately it feels as though it's covered in clouds."

Theo swallowed hard, the sound echoing around the narrow stairwell. Once again, yet again, his face was burning.

"I'm sorry if I'm being presumptuous." A slight creak announced that Zenith had climbed up a stair. Coming closer. Sweat broke out across the back of Theo's neck.

"N-no, no," he managed to force out, still in that horrible strangled voice. "It's just that – that – "

'Why did you kiss me?' He clamped his lips shut, hating himself.

"Are you perhaps...still unsettled from the battle? I – I'm sorry. I don't know how to...."

"That's not it!" Theo burst out, whirling around before he could stop himself. Zenith was still a few stairs behind him. In the dim stairwell it was hard to make out much, but Theo thought the shadows beneath his eyes seemed even more prominent. "Just – don't worry so much about me, okay? I'm fine. Take – take care of yourself. Uh, bathroom!"

Not the smoothest segue, but hey, he did have to use the bathroom. And because he was a coward, it gave him an excuse to avoid this conversation. To avoid Zenith.

Even as he ran the rest of the way upstairs, Theo knew he was being unfair to Zenith. But he didn't know what else to do.