To Hear Her Voice

"Um, what?" Theo blurted.

A familiar annoyance flickered across Cay's face, but it didn't last long. "You heard me. I stole the Star of Miriel and attempted to use it to amplify my Levia. Ulrich Ziegler must have sensed me doing so."

"Sorry, wait. Slow down." Theo waved his hands in front of his face. "What are you talking about? When'd this happen?"

He had wondered how Ulrich had gotten his hands on the Star. So he'd gotten it from Cay? "Hold on, did you give it to him?"

Cay reeled like he'd been slapped. "Of course not!"

"Then what happened? Why did you take the Star?" Unable to help himself, Theo raised his voice too. None of this made any sense, and he didn't have time to make sense of it. Not when the rest of the crew was fighting for their lives.

"I...this evening." For the first time, Cay dropped his gaze. "And the previous night as well."

The previous night? A shudder swept down Theo's spine. How had he not even realized?

His confusion must have shown on his face, because Cay explained, "Both times, I mixed a sleeping potion into the crew's dinner. I also used a suppressing potion to hide the Star's Levia signature."

A headache throbbed inside Theo's skull, pushing against the bone as if it wanted to crack it open. Groaning, he kneaded his temples with his fists. He was still confused out of his mind, but now a faint, distant rage was beginning to gather somewhere deep inside. So all this had come from Cay stealing the Star. The sword piercing Zenith, crackling with lightning. The blood staining Fia's poncho.

"Okay, so why?" he bit out, nails digging into palms. "You better have had some reason, unless you really just hate me that much?"

Cay lowered his head further, loose hair spilling over his face. His shoulders curled in as if he wanted to hide, but Theo couldn't bring himself to feel sorry for him anymore. "It was...I wanted...I wanted its power."

"Its power?" Theo's jaw dropped. Okay, he didn't know Cay that well, but in the short time they'd spent together he'd never gotten the impression the sage was the power-hungry sort. A jerk, yeah, but in a more petty way than anything.

Shuddering, Cay sank to his knees on the floor. Now all Theo could see of him was the top of his head, his messy slate-gray hair. When he spoke, his voice sounded muffled, like he'd buried his face into the bed.

But in the silent infirmary, every word pierced Theo's heart.

"I wanted...to speak to Eulyn."

"Eulyn?" Memories whirled through Theo's head. A night so unlike this one, calm and peaceful. No one on the deck except a lone white-robed figure, desperately pleading with the silent symbiont up above.

"Do you know? Eulyn was...everything to me. She was like my sister. I couldn't admire any sage more."

Theo's heart pounded harder and harder. He had the horrible feeling that he shouldn't be hearing this, that these feelings of Cay's were far too private. In normal circumstances, Cay would never have chosen to share them with Theo, a boy he barely knew and didn't get along with.

But these weren't normal circumstances. And if this really was Cay's fault, Theo deserved to know why.

"I thought it would be like this forever. Eulyn would become a Master, and I'd follow in her footsteps as best as I could. Instead...one day, he arrived. Some petty scoundrel of a skycraft pilot."

Cay gulped in a shuddering breath. "I couldn't begin to understand what Eulyn saw in him. But she wouldn't leave his side. And at the end of the seven days, she left with him."

Suddenly he lifted his head again, his eyes locking with Theo's. Huge and wild, trembling with fury – and shining with tears.

"She didn't even tell me. All I found was a letter. Not from her, but Amaro. Full of ridiculous excuses, going on about how she'd chosen to become Blue's symbiont. He apologized, even. Said there wasn't enough time to tell me."

Another breath, this one short and sharp. "I couldn't believe it. I had to find out for myself. So I left the temple and tracked them down. It took several years, but eventually I found them. And when I did…."

Theo started when Cay's hand moved – but all Cay did was grip Amaro's hand tight. His nails dug into Amaro's skin, but the pilot remained silent and still, peacefully sleeping.

"He hadn't lied. Eulyn...Eulyn really was...the symbiont. But I couldn't accept it. I couldn't. He told me she'd done it for Blue's sake, it had nothing to do with him – as if I could believe that!" His voice rose, cracking midway through. "I only wanted to know! I wanted to hear it from her, to get her answer! Is that really so wrong?"

Theo couldn't answer. No thoughts came through the buzzing that filled his head, but it didn't matter, because Cay kept on talking.

"Is that really so wrong?" he said again, quieter now. "All this time, all these years, I've tried to ask her...but she never replied. No matter how hard I reached for her Levia, all I ever felt was the medusid's."

A bitter edge slid into his voice, stinging like poison. Shaking his head, he wiped at his eyes with his free hand before staring back down at Amaro, as if hoping the unconscious pilot might hold the answers he sought.

"So that's why you wanted the Star of Miriel," Theo said slowly. "You thought it would help you talk with her."

Cay snapped his head up, looking alarmed. Tears still gleamed in his eyes, making Theo's gut clench.

"Yes." His voice came out barely a whisper. "I – I know it was selfish of me. Selfish and short-sighted. Now the ship is under attack and Amaro is injured and it's – it's – I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know it's not enough, but…."

Though he was speaking to Theo, Theo couldn't take his eyes off Cay's hand. The way it caressed Amaro's, fingers gently stroking Amaro's knuckles. For some reason, it made Theo remember how Amaro had touched Cay's hair the night he'd eavesdropped.

There was more to this, wasn't there? More than just Cay resenting a handsome scoundrel for taking his sister figure from him….

But none of it mattered here and now. Theo swallowed, fighting down the sickening brew of emotions inside him. Pity and sorrow, but also the rage that hadn't gone away even after hearing Cay's story.

"You could have just asked me," he found himself saying. "I'd have been happy to help."

To his surprise, Cay let out a laugh – sharp, bitter sound that didn't hold a trace of amusement. "Do you really think I would have?"

They both knew the answer already, so Theo didn't bother stating the obvious. Not when Cay had made his opinion of Theo clear from the get-go.

Theo should've been angrier, knowing that Cay's stubborn pride had landed them in this mess. Yet he couldn't hold onto the feeling for long. Maybe because he was too exhausted – or maybe because he understood Cay better than he wanted to admit.

He stepped closer to the bed, heartbeat thundering in his ears. "So that's all you wanted? To hear her voice?"

Cay blinked. "Yes."

Theo reached the side of the bed. This close, the smell of Amaro's blood bloomed thick and heavy in the air, but Theo pushed aside his nausea and focused on Cay across from him.

"You know," he said, gentler than he intended, "even if you could talk to her, it might not be that easy. There's still no guarantee you'd understand."

After all, hadn't Victor explained his reasons countless times? Yet he only seemed to slip further and further away.

"Ah...I suppose." Cay sounded taken aback. Then he gazed down at Amaro again, and the guilt shining in his eyes made Theo's heart ache. "Not that it matters now. Amaro is…I have to…."

"Oh, um, I didn't mean to interrupt," Theo said, feeling awkward. "If you need to um, get back to healing him – hold on, maybe I can help."

"You?" Theo almost welcomed the skeptical look Cay threw him. At least he was more used to this.

Squaring his shoulders, he said, "I know healing spells. If I – "

"No," Cay cut in instantly. His grip tightened around Amaro's hand. "You are not using wizardry on him."

"What?" Theo felt like he'd been kicked in the chest. "Seriously, now of all times?"

Cay spoke over him. "Besides, I've already done everything I can for now. He'll need surgery, but that can wait. Right now, his condition is stable."

"Yeah, but still – "

Once again, Cay interrupted. "And you shouldn't waste your Levia. You'll need every drop you can get if we're to take back the craft."

He fixed Theo with a glare, eyes hard as steel. The resolve gleaming in them made Theo's heart beat faster.

"Take back the craft?"

"You heard me," Cay snapped. "This is my fault, so the least I can do is get us out of it. Will you help me fight or not?"