To Be Stronger

After that, Ryan sat down across Fia and fed handfuls of monster rinds to Halkis. Each time the bird horked them down, Ryan felt a little pang of sorrow – great, fewer rinds for him. But Fia's smile almost made everything worth it.

Thankfully, it didn't take long for Halkis to have his fill. After rejecting Ryan's latest offering, he curled up and tucked his head under his wing, and wouldn't stir no matter how Ryan poked and prodded him. Out like a light.

Ryan gladly seized the chance to munch on his first rind of the night. Pure, blissful nirvana. Just as crispy, crackly, crunchy, airy, and spicy as he remembered.

Too bad he couldn't fully lose himself in joy. Even as he scarfed down his rinds, he couldn't help but watch Fia gently stroking Halkis' head. They were smiling, but it was a faint, watery kind of smile, and the shadows beneath their eyes seemed darker than ever.

"Hey." When Fia addressed him, Ryan almost jumped out of his skin. Sue him, but he hadn't expected it. "Um, about what you said. How you've beaten the Infernal Legion before...."

"Oh, yeah!" Now this was entering familiar territory. Grinning, Ryan leaned back and put his hands behind his head. "Yeah, I fought them in the Liminal. Some super tough guy, all made out of stone like a golem. Colonel Greisen, I think? Me and Avia kicked his ass."

Okay, he might've had a little help from Theo and Sir Zenith and even Victor Hua. Still, Avia had one hundred percent dealt the finishing blow. Even now, remembering the smoke curling from Greisen's head made warm pride swell inside Ryan's chest.

Fia's eyes widened. "Wow. You guys must really be strong."

"We sure are! Right, Avia?" Ryan grinned at his familiar, who nodded. "But hey, you've gotta be pretty strong yourself. I mean, you also beat the Infernal Legion before!"

Oops – turned out he'd said the wrong thing. Just like that, Fia went ashen and stared down at their lap. Their fingers plucked the hem of their poncho, pleating and unpleating the cloth. Ryan could've choked on the atmosphere.

Shit, say something, but before he could, Fia spoke up. Their voice was barely a whisper, but seemed to echo in the silent mess hall.

"Not...not really. I didn't do anything. It was all Prince Darian and her crew."

"Say what?" Ryan leaned forward, squinting suspiciously. "But aren't you, like, the medium who's got control of the guardian spirit and everything?"

Fia shook their head, dark green waves bobbing. "It wasn't me. It was mostly...mostly Irin. He was the one who channeled Samakah."

"Irin?"

Fia twisted their poncho harder. "My...my mentor. He was...the original medium. I was training under him at the time. But he...."

They gulped, throat shuddering. "He sacrificed himself for me. As long as there's one medium, Mare will be fine. That's what he said. He told me to...to make him proud. So I – but I didn't do anything. Not before Prince Darian won."

Their voice grew fainter and fainter, trailing away into an ashamed mumble. Ryan blinked, still not entirely sure he got it.

"Well then, you've got a chance to prove yourself this time around," he offered.

Again, he'd made the wrong choice. Fia flinched as if he'd slapped them, and Ryan felt like the crummiest guy in the world. "Er, um, uh," he began, waving his hands around, but he had no idea how he intended to finish that sentence. Dammit, was he turning into Theo?

"I don't know...if I can," Fia mumbled to their lap. "I've never channeled Samakah properly before. Not like Irin could. And now – now I don't even have Samakah."

"Eh, no big deal," Ryan babbled. "You just gotta take her back with your own strength, right? Should be simple."

"No, it isn't!" Fia's reaction shocked him – they jumped to their feet and slammed their hands onto the table. The only reason Halkis didn't slide clean off was because Avia had already grabbed him and set him in her lap.

"Uh." For his part, Ryan could only stare at Fia. He'd never seen them so upset before, and honestly he didn't get it. If Fia was a sprite, they must have direct control over their element. No need to channel it through spells or anything. That was a kind of power no other Tielan could claim.

"It isn't simple," Fia said again, quieter, though they didn't stop trembling. "I can't do anything without Samakah. My water – I can barely – "

Fia swallowed hard, then lifted their hands. Ryan's eyes widened as a sparkling stream of water danced from one palm to the other.

"That's super cool," he said.

Fia clapped their hands together before shaking their head. "That's about the most I can do at once. It's just tricks. No good in battle."

Come to think of it, Ryan hadn't seen Fia use water when fighting against Ulrich. Hold on – maybe this gave him a new angle to come at it.

"Even if it isn't, you still fought Ulrich's goons, right? This won't be any different."

"It will be!" Fia protested. "It's my own home. And I – the Infernal Legion is on a totally different level. Not like I did that great against Ulrich, anyway."

"You know what?" Ryan said loudly, standing up as well. Now he towered above Fia, and some part of him worried he might end up intimidating them like this, but they met his gaze steadily. That gave him the courage to continue.

"You know what?" he said again. "I didn't put up a great showing either. Spent most of the time locked in a dungeon."

"Forgive me, Ryan," Avia chose that moment to interject.

"Ugh, it's not your fault, just saying – " Ryan spun back toward Fia. "You're not the only one with something to prove, okay? I mean, maybe it's not as personal for me, 'cause it's not my hometown or whatever. But I still – I can understand wanting to be stronger. Wanting to do better."

He had to admit he wasn't entirely used to this feeling himself. All his life, he'd been better than everyone else. The Crowley heir, a wizard so talented all other wizards could only weep in envy looking at him.

Then he'd lost to Theo and finally tasted bitter defeat. And it had been awful, yeah, but for the first time in years he'd actually felt motivated to improve. Every time he started getting bored of memorizing a new spell, every time he fucked up casting it in the practice arena, he only had to remember the anger and humiliation he'd felt at his loss and all his doubts would rush away.

The same went for when he'd faced down Oliver, determined to get Avia back. To fix his own mistakes.

It was embarrassing as all get out, but Ryan didn't give a shit. And if it could help Fia just a little bit....

"You say you're not strong now? Guess what, that just means you can only get stronger!" Ryan declared, pointing at Fia. "And so can I! So let's get strong together. That way, we won't have any regrets when it's time to fight. Yeah?"

He winked, and to cap it off, turned his hand around and changed the point into a thumbs up.

For a moment he held the pose, blood rushing in his head, while Fia just stared back at him. The longer they stared, the stupider Ryan felt. Who did he think he was kidding, giving some cheesy motivational speech like a coach in a sports movie?

Then Fia blinked, long eyelashes fluttering. They coughed, straightened their back. A smile spread across their face – slow and shy, but bright enough to make Ryan's heart soar.

"Yeah." They bobbed their head in a nod. "Yeah!" Louder, more confident. "You're right, Ryan. Moping's not gonna help. I – I'll become stronger. I've gotta do my best for Mare!"

With that, they lifted their hand in a matching thumbs up. Ryan grinned so wide he was amazed his face didn't crack.

"That's the spirit! Let's make those Legion dipshits wish they never messed with any of us!"