Roses

My dad used to call me a rose but was uncertain if I wanted to be held in a light of beauty or approached with caution knowing I could accidentally hurt someone in the process. Or maybe I'm a forget-me-not that is my birth flower after all. Every time I think about it I start to feel slightly insecure because it hits a little close to home. Truly feeling like I've been forgotten by my mother, my father. Truly feeling like I'm not invisible, but probably in the process of not mattering as much.

"Hey Adanni," Ms. Irene said brightly looking up from tending her garden.

I wave in response with a small smile. Ms. Irene is one of the few elder women I liked in this neighborhood. Being known as the flower lady, the house she inherited from her father is covered in flowers. Her house is very beautiful. The lavender petals, she said, are called Wisteria, and the climbing roses in her house are a clear representation of how beautiful mother nature truly is.

I'm not sure how she does it. Living in a house your mother was abused by a man that died in his own vain would be tough for me. Thinking back on all the times I had tea with her growing up surrounded by flowers, fruits & vegetables. I am one of the only people around here who truly knows her story. Born in Michigan and moving this way when she was 5 she grew up in that house. Left when she was 18 had one kid then came back once her mother got sick.

Deciding to stay to tend to her as she passed on then her father soon after. The only thing he left her other than damaging memories was this house. That she now tends to till this day.

She doesn't talk about her son much only that he left a few years ago before we moved here to live with his father because of the people he was getting in trouble with around here. He was either sixteen or seventeen then I'm not sure.

"I'm looking forward to a visit from you soon Dani, I miss our talks."

"Yeah definitely soon, just been working a lot. Which I'm actually on my way to now."

"Well don't work too much, a young woman still needs time for herself."

She shook her head slowly placing her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, you're right. We'll see."

" I'll try to come by this weekend."

I smiled grabbing the red rose she reached out to me.

"My bean pies will be ready by Saturday. I made an extra you'll be able to take home."

She stared at me slyly. Knowing that's my guilty pleasure. Alright, she got me.

I promised I'll be there Saturday and sped walked down the street.

Seeing the store in the distance at the end of the street, I tucked the rose in my wore down bag I took everywhere.

Being a twenty-one-year-old girl born in the land where everyone repped westside wasn't the easiest, but I dealt. Thankfully we moved so now we weren't in the straight-up hood just the outskirts where it casually leaked over. Honestly, we had no problems unless you wanted them or looked to find one. Thankfully we lived in a neighborhood that was more people who were business orientated.

All of the new businesses that gravitated this way in the last ten years, meant more police and more cameras that don't let you get away with anything in the first place. So naturally, the ghetto shrunk from this way and went towards more of the inner city an hour out.

My fourteen-year-old brother Maliq and I dealt pretty well. Yes, he had a few hood friends here and their mom had to ground him from hanging with him a few times, but overall he was a good kid.

One of the things with being an hour away was there were only three middle schools in the district and two high schools. One is a prestigious private middle school that had one hell of a tuition fee. Another run-down school Lough Dawn Middle School, a school with a graduation rate so low an investigation took place. And last being the school I attended, and now my brother; Forrest Middle School.

Had a mixture between the inner city kids and kids from this neighborhood, this is the school you sent your kids to when you wanted them to have a chance. The high schools had only two options, the first being St. Tanner Highschool. This is the building you go to when you failed throughout middle school so they sent you here assuming you'd fail again, and the other being the high school I went to Clermont Highschool school of arts.

The year I officially discovered that I wanted to be an artist, was also the year I knew I would disappoint my mom. So I did any other child who allows their mom to control their dreams would. I decided to stick it out and at least try to love the nursing field.

Practicing "adult responsibility" as my mother puts it. Which consists of going to school, cooking dinner and the occasional lunch, getting little brother to and from school, and not even thinking of leaving anytime soon. Not that I was even thinking of it. To go where and do what?

I dropped out of college after two years because one day I was tired of it all. Stressing over something I didn't even care about. Ending up like my mother, never having time for myself. To be at work 24/7 and when I'm not I'm tired out of my mind. That isn't a life I want to live.

So I disenrolled and picked up a few extra shifts at work. So the same night I told her of my new realization I let her know the nee days I would be even busier. So there wasn't anything she could say, other than a few college dropout comments, and tell me what days I need to walk with Ace. Even though he's old enough to walk on his own, but my mom tends to be overly protective about him.

The conversation went better than I expected. I rapidly tapped the crossing light button knowing touching it more than once wouldn't make it go any faster, maybe even slower, but did it anyway just in case.

I twisted my right earphone in my ear even more until it was plugged from the suction. Gambino played real low on my headphones that I could hear the background, but could barely make out the words.

I mainly wore them for ignorant purposes more than anything. Being able to ignore people I'd rather not talk to, or pretending not to listen to people as they gossiped near me assuming I couldn't hear anything.

Speed walking across the street not wasting any time since people were known for running red lights around here. I pressed on ignoring my mind telling me to turn back around and call in myself.

*******

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