Chapter 1

It was another long day ahead for Buck and he knew by the end of it he would feel the toll of the shift. He smiled though, as he looked at what day he was on. Day 132 of his 365 days probation. He smiled as he saw the numbers appear on the screen before setting off to the station. Who could blame him really, for counting down the days till he passed his probation? Buck had felt complete since landing his perfect job at the 118. Yes, he had his demons from his past which had slowed him down from getting here sooner, but he never told anyone on the team about them. He didn't want the pity. So now here he was at the age of 27, finally in a job that made him feel important and wanted, and with a bright future ahead.

He pulls up at the firehouse, his focus on the big entrance where the vehicles are sat ready to go, he smiles as Hen walks past and watches as she signals for him to walk in with her he shakes his head and holds his hand up and mouths, 'Give me five minutes'. She nods and walks off, leaving him inside his Jeep. He sat there and started to drum his fingers on the steering wheel as he went through his morning routine, sounding off the routine in his head to prepare him for the day ahead. It helped him focus on tuning out the doubt and anxiety, it was something a therapist had taught him while in Mexico working at a bar, the therapist had noticed Buck struggled so had told him a simple way to deal with his anxiety when out in public.

"Breathe," Buck says, as he takes deep and slow breaths.

"Shift my attention, to keep me focused," he says, as he continues to breathe.

"No one is perfect, so if you make a mistake - it's fine," he says, and takes a deep breath.

"Try at least two things off the rejection game," he finally says as he puts his hand on the door handle and opens it, taking his car key out the ignition and leaning to grab his bag.

As he locks his car and walks towards the station he feels at ease as he sees Bobby stood at the entrance, smiling.

"Hey Buck, you're early today," Bobby says with a smile.

"Yeah, I wanted enough time to enjoy whatever you have cooked today," Buck replies.

"Well I haven't started yet but if you want, I could use a hand?" Bobby says as they walk in.

"That would be great, I could do with learning some tips," Buck responds.

"I bet you can cook really well, don't doubt yourself. Now hurry up and get ready and let's get some dinner in us before the calls start on this long day." Bobby smiles, Buck nods and heads to the locker room where he can see Hen and Chim sat talking.

"Hey guys," Buck says, as he enters.

"Well, who got you up this early?" Chim chuckles.

"No one - just wanted to be early, plus I kind of forgot to eat," Buck says as he places his bag down.

"Ah, wanted to indulge in Cap's cooking, I can't say I blame you," Hen says, smiling.

"Something like that," Buck responds as he opens his locker.

"Well we will see you up there," Chim says.

They leave and Buck starts getting ready, focusing on making sure he is dressed smartly and everything is put away. He heads out of the locker room and starts to head to the stairs where he sees Mac from the earlier shift.

'Rejection game, beginners question: strike up a conversation with somebody outside of your friendship circle', Buck says in his head.

"Hey Mac, was it a good shift?" Buck asks and he sees Mac stop and look at him and Buck waits for the rejection and, most likely, getting ignored. Most of the others on the other shift ignored him as he was a probie.

"Yeah, it was a good night. Not too many calls, time for sleep though. Have a good shift and take care of yourself, Buck!" Mac says with a smile and pats Buck on the shoulder as he passes him. Buck wanders up the stairs smiling, proud that he passed the first round of his in-head game.

"Did I just see that right; did Mac give you the time of day?" Chim asks.

"Yeah he did, I was expecting him to ignore me to be honest - like the rest do," Buck explains.

"How did you manage it? It took me nearly the full year to get him talk to me." Chim asks, crossing his arms.

"It's not that they don't want to talk to you, it's just that they need to get to know you. For us, we work in this team day in day out so we build our relationships faster than you would with them. Give them time and they will warm up to you," Hen explains.

"Thanks," Buck responds.

"Buckley, coming to help?" Bobby shouts over.

"Yeah, sorry," Buck says as he heads over.

Buck watches what Bobby does and follows his instructions on cutting and prepping the meat, then listens as Bobby explains what to do with each ingredient and when to add it in.

'Give somebody a compliment', Buck thinks.

"Hey Bobby, you're really good at cooking, how did you become so good?" Buck questions.

"Thanks kid, and it's through years and years of practice," Bobby says, smiling.

'Question two - tick', Buck chuckles in his head.

"Well, I hope I can cook this well one day," Buck responds.

"You will, just listen to Cap or you will end up like Chim and just order take outs," Hen chuckles.

"Oi, I can cook!" Chim responds.

"From the microwave," Buck says out loud instead of in his head and he starts to panic.

"Oh my god! Brilliant, Buck that's spot on," Hen says, rubbing Buck's back making him feel at ease.

"Great, now even the probie is ribbing me," Chim huffs.

"Well you did walk into it! Great shout, Buck," Bobby says and hints to Buck to stir the pot.

They eventually all sit down and start to eat and Buck enjoys listening to the others. Each day has its challenges but he knew he was doing well at controlling it all. As they finish up, the alarm goes off and they all make their way down to the truck and head off on the call. As they listen to the dispatcher Buck notices her voice and he swears he has heard it before, but before he can think more they arrive at the location at the beach front. There was a crowd but the strong tone of one Athena Grant had them moving on, much to Buck's pleasure.

'Focus on the task at hand', he thinks.

They make quick work of sorting out the guy who had managed to get his hand stuck in a drain hole while trying to fish out his girlfriend's engagement ring. But since they were summoned to a couple more calls before finally arriving back at the station, Buck was knackered and wanted to rest. There were still several more hours of the shift to go, so he slowly climbed into his bunk and put some music on, slipping his headphones to his ears as he relaxed to his favourite album. Noticing Hen and Chim had the same idea too, he drifted off to sleep.

Buck wakes quickly to the sound of the alarm ringing. On instinct he is running to the truck, grabbing his gear as he passes it and straight into the cab and slipping his headset on. He starts to look around and can see that Hen and Chim are in the same sort of disorientation from just waking. As they set off Buck notices the dark LA skyline and figures they had got a few hours of sleep in. As they listen to Bobby explain the situation they hear the dispatcher giving them an update about someone who had come loose from their roller coaster seat, Buck still tries to figure out who it is.

"This will be a tough one. We will need to work quickly, and as a team," Bobby's stern tone fills Buck's ears, grabbing his attention.

"Yes Cap," he replies.

As they turn up at the park Buck watches as the truck squeezes down the narrow paths leading up to the ride. As they get out they see other crews arriving. They are getting their climbing gear out when Bobby pulls them in.

"Who is going up?" Bobby asks.

"I will Cap," Buck replies without thinking it through.

"Are you sure? This could go bad really quickly," Bobby explains.

"I'm sure, I have the longest arms so there's a better chance," Buck responds.

"Ok, lets get him strapped up, Chim you will be the support in the basket. Make sure you have a good hold of him," Bobby explains.

Buck starts climbing into his harness and clipping the buckles tight before moving to the basket, where Chim attaches several ropes to him and to the basket. The ride up is long but Buck focuses on the task at hand. He can see the man hanging onto the seat, as they reach the top of the ride Buck carefully climbs out and starts to shimmy over the thick bars till he reaches his destination, he talks to the guy trying to keep him calm as he hands the harness to the guy asking him to tie it around him. He explains he can't. Buck explains that he is there and he will catch him, he just has to try. As the guy goes to the coaster it shifts, sending the guy falling to the floor. All Buck can do is watch as the guy hits the ground. He just looks at the man's body laying there, people running over.

"Buck, come back," Chim shouts.

"Buckley, I need you to shimmy back," Bobby's voice can be heard.

"Buck, I'm right here. I got you, just shimmy towards me," Chim's voice finally gets Buck's full attention.

Buck slowly shimmies backwards till he is at the basket and climbs in and they head down. Buck's mind is racing, he doesn't even hear what Chim is saying. As they get to the bottom there is a mob of people with phones taking pictures, and news crews. Buck feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to see it is Bobby, who places a blanket round Buck and moves him from the people to the quiet side of the truck and sits him down, Buck could feel his anxiety building fast, he watches as Bobby disappears.

'Remember the counting down trick', he says to himself.

'Five things you can see', he reminds himself.

He takes in a deep breath.

"People, my team, bench, balloons and stalls," Buck says.

"What did you say?" Bobby asks, setting Buck on edge.

"It's nothing," Buck replies.

"Here, drink this and don't move, you're most likely in shock, but we are here to help. Do you understand?" Bobby explains and Buck nods.

He watches as Bobby disappears again and sees him talking to the other captains, Buck takes in another breath.

'Four things you can touch', he says to himself.

"Coat, coffee cup, helmet and radio," he says out loud.

He decides he needs to move so climbs into the cab of the vehicle to get away from prying eyes.

'Three things you can hear', he chimes in his head.

"Bobby on the radio, people talking and the sound of other rides," he mutters out.

'Two things you can smell', he continues his thoughts.

"Coffee and Chim's horrid aftershave," Buck chuckles to himself.

'Last one, one thing you can taste', he thinks.

"Coffee," as he has a sip of the drink.

After a while the others appear in the cab and Buck smiles at them. He can see the sad looks they give him. He slips his headphones on and looks out the window as they drive off, listening to Bobby explain that the other crews will finish the job and that they had been sent back as there were enough people there to help. Buck didn't answer, he just watches through the window as the LA streets pass him by.

As they pull up into the station he hears Chim asking, "Who is that good-looking woman?"

"Obviously not here for you," Hen jokes.

"Ain't she wearing a dispatcher uniform?" Chim questions.

"She is, that's weird. Why would she turn up here?" Bobby wonders.

Buck is in no mood to look, so he takes his headset off and climbs out and starts to walk to the lockers. He just needed to be alone.

"Evan." It's that voice again. Buck slowly turns round and he doesn't know how to feel at the sight of his sister.

He watches as she walks over, all the emotion of the night finally catching him up and all he wants right now is a hug. As she got closer to him, he just pulled her in and held her close. He knew they had some stuff to talk about but right now this is what he needed.

"It's ok, baby bro, I have you," Maddie states.

"You're Buck's sister?" Chim's voice can be heard.

"Come on, let's give them some space," Bobby's firm tone filled the air and Buck could hear footsteps moving away. "Buck, you're done for the day. Go home and I'll see you after your two days off," Bobby states and Buck breaks the hug.

"No Cap, I'm good to go," Buck says, turning to Bobby.

"Kid, you just lost someone. We all know it will be hard, just go home and rest," Bobby says.

"Come on Buck, you can come to mine and we can chat," Maddie explains.

Buck looks at his sister and then to Bobby and knows it's the look Bobby gives the team when they try to push their luck. So he nods and heads to the lockers where he gets changed and heads out to his Jeep. He thinks about not following his sister. He thinks if she knew where he worked then why not contact him outside of his work, but decides he should at least hear her out. So he follows her and he's confused when they pull up at a motel, but he pulls up alongside her car and follows her to her room. It's small. The bed is by the main doorway and there's a bathroom to the end and a little kitchen area and he looks at his sister who shrugs at him and takes a seat on the bed and she pats it signalling for Buck to sit, which he does.

"Evan, it is ok to talk about what happened tonight if you want. Or we can talk about something else," Maddie explains.

"Can we skip that and talk about why you are here and didn't contact me?" Buck states. He knows it may have sounded harsh but he needs answers.

"Well, things with me and Doug didn't work out, but I don't want to go into that just now. I got away and to be honest I didn't know where you had gone. When I spoke to our parents they said you hadn't been in contact for a few years? I saw the job as a dispatcher and with my skills as a nurse I thought I'd give it a go. I started just last week," she explains.

Buck looked round the room taking in the cramped conditions. He started to take in things he could see, just in case he needed to relax himself.

"Why don't you just buy a place? You could easily afford a place of your own," Buck questions.

"That, again, is another long story, but the short version is I can't get access to it," she states, and Buck can see the sadness in her eyes and knows something bad has happened but didn't want to push her. He holds his gasp as he sees a faded bruise on her wrist as she moves to brush her hair to the side.

"Well you can't stay here, it ain't exactly clean is it," Buck says, noticing a damp patch in the corner.

"I know, but I'm saving up so I can rent somewhere, till everything is sorted," she explains.

"Ok, how about you move in with me till you sort yourself out?" Buck says. He won't admit it to her but having her at his place will make his life easier. She will keep him distracted.

"What, are you sure?" she asks, looking at him.

"Yeah, I have a spare room and it means we can talk," Buck explains as he stands up.

"If you're sure, then yes! It will be a great help," she says, smiling.

"Well, get packed!" He chuckles and watches as she starts to pack, then he starts to scroll through his Facebook.

As he does, he sees the pictures his friends post and smiles, and then sees the reposts of the story of the guy dying at the fair and Buck instantly feels his heart race. He quickly closes the phone and places it in his pocket.

"Sheets, damp patch, drawers, bag and shoes," he whispers. "Bed, jeans, phone and fingers," he continues.

"Hey, hey it's ok, I'm here." His sister's voice breaks him out of the routine and he looks up at her. "Mum mentioned something about your anxiety but they said you just did it for attention. I knew you wouldn't do that, but carry on, I'm next to you," she says and Buck nods.

"Sister's voice, people outside, and creaking floor," he states. "Perfume and damp," he continues and then he looks round and finds nothing for his last one and starts to fidget.

"Here," Maddie says and Buck turns to see her handing him a mint. He takes it from her and places it in his mouth.

"Mint," he says, and smiles at her as she gives him a hug.

"Do the people at work know about this?" she asks.

"No, and I don't want them to either, I don't want them to use it as an excuse to get rid of me," he explains.

"They wouldn't, and they can offer help to you. Like a proper therapist," she says.

"I've managed nearly 15 years on my own, I don't need help. Are you ready to go? I could do with an early night," Buck says, changing the subject.

"Ok, let me just get the last of my stuff," she says.

Buck watches as she gathers the last of her things. They go to the reception where she settles up and she says she will follow him to his place, so he gets in his Jeep and puts the radio on and starts to drive making sure his sister was behind him. As they drive down the freeway the news starts and Buck dreads to think what will be said about the fair accident, but is taken back as he hears that the main story is about another two firefighters being assaulted and hospitalized after attending a call out. There wasn't much detail but Buck knew that was the fifth one this month. The others had been kept quiet, but it must be getting serious now if the news had caught wind of it. He changed the station to something else to try and take his mind off work and continued to drive.

As they get to the outskirts of town the big apartment blocks start to disappear and the smaller houses start to appear. Buck turns his car down his street and starts to head down looking at his fellow neighbours' houses. Seeing them made him happy, it was a nice estate. He notices the house which has been on the market for months has finally been sold, so he makes a mental note to say hi. He knew everyone in the street. One of his challenges was to meet a new neighbour each day! He continues down the road till they get to the dead end turn and Buck pulls up at his house. As he gets out, he looks at it. He was so happy when he bought it, it was a two storey and had a basement too, large front and back garden and a garage, pretty much everything he wanted.

"This is yours?" His sister's voice makes him turn.

"Yeah! Bought it last year," he says with a smile.

"I thought mum said you told them you would never touch the money?" she states as she gets her bag out the car and Buck offers to carry it for her.

"I did say that, but when I got here and saw the price of rents I was shocked. Then I saw this on the market and had a look around. Once I saw it, I knew I had to have it. So I dipped into the trust fund and bought it, and did it up. I moved most of the rest into a savings account and kept some for a rainy day in my normal account. My wages more than cover the bills and I can afford a splurge every now and again," Buck says with a smile.

"I'm glad you used it, otherwise it would have just sat there. I know you didn't care about the money, but at least you have this ready for when you want to start your own family," she says and Buck freezes.

"Yeah, if I get that lucky. Anyway - welcome, make yourself at home! Your room is the one upstairs, first on the right," Buck explains.

"Thank you for this," Maddie says as she grabs him in a hug.

"It's fine, it's what brothers are for. Now I'm off the next few days and I'm going to focus on doing some gardening. Are you working?" he asks.

"Yeah, on late shifts so I can help before I go if you want," she adds.

"It's fine, keeps me focused to be honest," Buck explains.

"Well it's late, best get some shut eye. You best had, too," she adds.

"I will. If you want anything to drink there's stuff in the kitchen. You may need to get some stuff you like, though," Buck chuckles.

"No doubt I will," she laughs back.

Buck smiles and heads up to his room. He hears his sister moving around and it eases him a bit that someone else is in the house, he really had hated the quietness of it all. He quickly showers and falls asleep.

Over the next few days he starts work on the garden, potting and moving stuff around making it more useful. He gets the veg patch set up and before he knows it he is back at work. The first day back he saw that people were giving him sympathy looks due to what had happened but that went away quickly when news of another attack on a firefighter on call came through. They all had meetings about what to watch out for and what to do in emergencies, they were told on calls they must stay in twos and in radio contact at all times. The first few calls after that Buck was having to use his tricks to keep him calm more and more, but luckily nothing happened.

Over the next week he started to notice Maddie was feeling more and more comfortable in his home as little things kept appearing. He didn't question it as it filled the voids in the house. They spoke about their work days but never about the past, it was still raw for Buck and he guessed for his sister too.

It's a Friday night and they're both working similar shifts. Maddie would finish an hour before Buck so she offers to drop him off, which she does, and they say their 'byes.

"So, is your sister single?" Chim asks.

"If she was, what of it?" Buck replies.

"He fancies her, keeps going on about her ever since he first saw her," Hen adds, chuckling.

"Well even if she was, I wouldn't let you date her," Buck chuckles.

"What! Why?" Chim asks as they head to the locker room.

"Simple. It's bad enough seeing you at work without you turning up at my place, too," Buck says, opening his locker.

"Is she staying with you?" Hen asks.

"Yeah, till she gets her own place," Buck replies.

"So, she gets to see where you live, but we haven't even been invited round yet," Chim states.

"She is his sister! Take no notice, Buck. Just let us see where you live, maybe?" Hen asks, as she disappears round the corner.

"Well, I could do a BBQ party I suppose, I have just done the garden up," Buck says with a smile as he changes.

"Hang on, you have a garden?" Chim asks.

"Yeah, front and back," Buck smirks at Chim.

"Sounds posh! Now I definitely need to see," Hen's voice echoes from round the corner.

"Well, I'll see what day we can do it," Buck replies as he finishes up getting ready and walks out.

He heads up the stairs where he sees Bobby relaxing on the sofa and gives him a smile.

"Ready for a fun evening shift, Cap?" Buck asks.

"Well, I hope for an uneventful one but we will see," Bobby replies.

Before Buck could even reply, the alarm was going off and they headed down to the truck and out to the call. As they drive to the location they are told it's a call at a gig which means lots of people, the caller has explained someone has gotten themselves stuck in a hole in the middle of the floor where everyone is. Buck could feel his anxiety rise, when he thinks about the crowds of people.

'Great', he thinks.

"So what's the protocol? I mean with so many people there and with what's been going on?" Hen asks.

"We will have police escorts, one cop to two of us, just in case," Bobby adds, "So I need you all to focus."

"Yes Cap," Buck replies.

They arrive at the gig and see three cop cars pull up alongside them and Buck sees Athena get out, then his attention turns to the mass and he starts to run through his routine to keep him calm.

"Buck, you are with Hen and Athena," Bobby says, "and Chim and I will go with Officer Jones."

"You will be fine, just keep close to me. If anyone tries anything, they will have me to deal with," Athena states, her hand on Buck's arm. She obviously could see his fear.

"Thank you," Buck adds.

They start making their way through the crowds of people. The loud music made it hard to hear the radio messages from the others, but Buck focused on Athena's back and Hen was by his side. They start walking round the floor looking for the person who needed help. Buck could feel the people bumping into him, even with Athena giving people stern looks. As they moved forward a large group bashed into Buck, pushing him over and away from the others. He started to panic and went to grab his radio, only to find it had gone.

"Where did it go?" Buck says to himself.

"Oi!" someone shouts. Buck turns and is met with a fist, followed by several others.

Buck falls to the floor as he feels kicks and stamps, he looks round and sees his radio and crawls as people continue attacking him. He could feel his anxiety at its max and the pain of the kicks hurting him.

"HELP!" he screams down the radio.

The next thing he hears is a gunshot and the music stops, but that didn't stop the beating. They continued to kick at Buck.

"Help me please," he pleads down the radio.

"We're coming, Buck!" A voice can be heard and Buck feels a swift kick to the head and starts to black out.

The next thing he sees is a white light being flashed in his eyes, and the running sound of a trolley. He blacks out again.

"How is he?" A voice can be heard. Buck tries to open his eyes. But he can't.

"He suffered a lot of kicks to the ribs resulting in several bruised and two broken. There are no fractures to his skull, just cuts. He will have a lot of bruising," A male voice can be heard.

"I don't know how he will cope," he knew that voice was Maddie.

"What do you mean?" the male voice again, and he could tell it was Bobby.

"He has severe social anx…" he hears his sister as he falls back to sleep.

Buck slowly wakes and sees the white room and looks round. His head throbs and he can feel the dull ache in his ribs. He sees he is on his own and starts to panic.

"Bed, monitor, chair, window, IV drip," he whispers. "Bed sheets, rail, gown, hands," he continues.

"So your sister wasn't lying then," Bobby's voice can be heard and Buck looks up and towards the door. "It's fine, don't panic. I just wish you would have said something before," Bobby explains.

"I didn't want to put my job at risk, I love it," Buck responds.

"I get that kid, but finish up your routine first," Bobby says with a smile and Buck nods.

"Bobby, monitor, speaker," Buck says, "antiseptic and food," Buck continues as he looks to see Bobby with some food.

Buck reaches for the glass of water, but stops as his ribs cry out in pain.

"Here," Bobby says as he passes the glass.

"Thank you," Buck says as he takes a swig of the water. "Water," Buck says and relaxes.

"How are you feeling?" Bobby asks.

"Like I was hit with a truck. How long?" Buck questions.

"Three days, you've been in and out of it," Bobby explains.

"The people?" Buck asks.

"Don't worry about that, focus on you. The Department has decided you will be off for a few weeks till you fully recover. And also, you need to see a therapist," Bobby explains.

"You told them about my anxiety?" Buck questions, though he knew Bobby would have to.

"No, it's for the attack, in case of flashbacks. But I would suggest you bring that up with them when you have a meeting," Bobby explains.

"What if I don't want to see anyone?" Buck asks.

"I can't force you to talk about the anxiety, but until the therapist gives you the all-clear, the department won't let you work," Bobby explains.

"Ok," Buck says.

Over the next few hours Bobby leaves and Maddie arrives. The doctors explain he can leave, providing someone can keep an eye on him. Buck doesn't really talk much and as they head out he keeps his head down. He doesn't want to see the people, he doesn't feel safe. Immediately they are home, he heads upstairs and closes his bedroom door. Over the next few days he only comes out to get something to eat or drink. When Maddie explains that people are here to see him, he tells her he doesn't want to see anyone and crawls back into bed. When Maddie is at work he hears the doorbell go but is too scared to answer it. The fear of it being the men that attacked him being at the door sets his anxiety off, so he just learnt to ignore it.

After a few more days he is in the kitchen and hears Maddie on the phone, so he listens in.

"I don't know what to do, he won't talk to me, or to anyone else. He is scared to answer the door and rarely leaves his room. I need something to bring him out of his room a bit," she says.

There is a moment of silence as she obviously waits for a reply and Buck moves quietly to the other side of the kitchen. His ribs are still sore.

"I mean I suppose I could try that, erm he has an Xbox so… what game do you think?" she says and Buck wonders what she is being asked to do.

"Ok well, I've got to go to the shops so I'll pick it up, and I have a shift later so we shall see," she explains and Buck knows she must be finishing so he heads upstairs.

He sits in his room and sees his phone light up. He hadn't touched it in days since he put it on charge after the first day when he got back and saw videos of his beating all over social media. He had just put it on charge and never looked at it again. He presses the button and sees yet another missed call, but he rolls over and goes to sleep. He is awoken by a knock on his door.

"Buck, can you come downstairs? It's just me, there is no one else," Maddie says and he can hear her move away.

Buck slowly gets up and makes his way down the stairs and sees his sister in her uniform obviously heading to work but he knew she wasn't due to go for a while. He then hears something coming from the front room and wanders in and sees on the tv the Halo logo.

"I thought me and you could have a game?" Maddie says.

"What, why?" Buck asks.

"You need to spend time outside your room and with people, so I thought we could play? I know I won't be any good but I feel it will help. Please try?" she asks, and Buck turns and smiles.

They sit down and play a few levels and Buck starts to open up a bit, talking to her about the levels and how they had improved the graphics. He was thankful she avoided asking any questions about the attack, and eventually after a level she placed the pad down.

"I have to head out to work now," she explained.

"Ok, I'll head back up," Buck states, placing his controller down.

"No, why don't you play online?" she says and Buck freezes. He didn't really want to play with anyone else or talk to anyone for that matter.

"It's ok, I'll wait for you. I don't want to talk or listen to anyone else if I'm honest," Buck replies.

"Well, can't you mute them?" she asks, taking his pad and loading it on to online.

"You can, but I don't know if I can," Buck explains. He watches as his sister messes in the settings, turning off chat and audio.

"Have one game and if you don't like it just quit, and we can play tomorrow," she says smiling.

Buck looks back at the screen as it loads and takes the pad.

"I'll stay for the first match, okay?" she says.

"Thank you," Buck replies.

He starts to play and starts to enjoy it, it gives him something to focus on and he was at ease as he didn't hear anyone. After the first match he went into the next one and carried on for a few more matches where, try as he might, he couldn't seem to get any good kills in the game. Eventually he turns and realises that Maddie had gone and he hadn't noticed. He decided to keep going.

As it got to just past 11pm he finished another game and was at the bottom of the leaderboard. He had been all night. As he moves from one lobby to another he receives a message from Ediaz89 but he starts to panic and in the rush he clicks on it by mistake. It opens the message and he quickly reads it.

'Hey, notice you are new. If you want some pointers, give me a message back, we could team up if you want?'

Buck panics and heads off upstairs, forgetting to turn off the console. He climbs up the stairs and can feel his heart racing and he knows he needs to calm himself down, so sits at the top of the stairs where he does his routine to help himself relax. Once he feels himself relax, he gets up and heads into his room. As he strips and climbs into bed he starts to think about whether he will ever get back to how he used to be and back to the job he loved. For now, he rests his head on the pillow and drifts off to sleep.