LETTERS FOR LINDA

AUGUST 1946

BERTHA

The sky is crying today.

opening up, releasing the harshness of drops upon my skin. the blowing wind isn't helping at all. making my way towards the school, passing by a boy wearing uniforms, it must be the schools new set. he looks surprised I stopped him. holding a confused look on his face, more like he isn't fond of strangers.

after a few, we part ways. telling him we will be going to the same class together.

he sends a smile my way and walks away.

this school, I've been accustomed to for years. back again now, making my way inside the gates to the buildings, passing by the football field. I see a bunch of students there, some sit in clusters, some loners. there is a match going on.

players sweaty and soaked in the rain, determined faces to finish the game.

pathetic.

this school has been special to me, in ways more than one. sheltered me, a scholar to be envied. a daughter of example to be loved by mothers.

but something in me always there, reminding me, warned me even, that with just one move my settled life would come crumbling down.

I should have listened.

I should have done something about it.

but then again always asking myself, was it that perfect?

"bertha" I hear someone call my name. turning , I see a girl I once knew. "hi" i greet her and her friend, and turn to leave. there are a lot of boys sited around watching the match. I get uncomfortable waltzing in the middle. then I hear someone call out to me again, somewhere under the trees I find my old friend Allan.

my lips form a smile, a grin reflected on his. I hug him, feeling happy. he is sited with two other guys.

I say hello to the guy next to Allan, he greets me back.

then I focus on him.

brown eyes.

and I'm staring straight into them, lost. he's looking at me too.

turning back to long time friend, adjusting my geeky spectacles, I say bye and head for the school offices.

I get my new uniforms and have to start classes next week. my day ends with a series of greeting new and old faces. finally when I'm back in my room, I reminisce him.

school starts soon, and I'm covered with these hideous uniforms. as a transfer student I feel like I cant bond, so most of the time I spend in the library or with Allan.

sometimes I see him in the hallway.

sometimes I see him in the cafeteria.

Justin.

what's a connection?

we didn't know where life would take us, never thought it would be this painful, this fast. never thought it would be this lonely.

lost.

losing my mind.

have you ever loved this much?

this raw?

maybe now you would understand. but there's a price to pay, with your heart.

maybe today I will forget him.

I want to so bad, but why isn't it my choice? when its my heart.

he got under my skin, I have him with me all the time, and at the same time i lost him.

I try to survive each passing day.

forcing the breath in and out of me.

I'm left hollow.

its too much, I've tried enough.

I'm sorry.