Salvation

Hollis Lowell was already awake when her alarm rang. As usual, her cramps woke her before the sun could greet her through the window. It had been two weeks since the stomach ache took her parent's role in waking her in the morning. Now she was the first one to walk into the kitchen, setting the table for breakfast. She was too nervous to stay in bed, so at least she would be useful, she thought. In addition, she does not have to justify her loss of appetite; one would assume that she has already eaten. The rioting feeling in her guts just wouldn't let her consume anything, she accepted it and adjusted. But her parents would not, at least not that easy. They would ask endless questions about it, insisting that something must be wrong, "no reaction without an action" as her father would say. She simply wasn´t ready for this kind of conversation. Wasn't ready to break her mother's heart again. The dragging footsteps of her father pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Morning honey, you're spoiling us with breakfast again." her father said, rubbing his eyes.

"Don't mention it, it's nothing big." she hastily answered while placing some eggs and sausages on his plate.

"Things don't have to be big for them to be special," he added as he sat down and began cutting his breakfast into mouth-fitting pieces. She gave him a quick smile in response. He knew how to make her feel good about herself like she did something great.

"Mum is still sleeping?"

"Yes, she was up all night putting outfits together for the new store opening on Friday." he answered between bites, "You know how she gets, all concerned and overworking herself."

Hollis nods as she is lost in her thoughts again, "You don't have to drive me, I can go by myself."

He gulps before answering, "You're a little overthinker like your mum, you know that?" he says while smiling.

"I´m driving you. Finally got a day off, now I want to be there for you, both of you." She could only answer with a small nod before shoving herself from the seat to put on shoes. Her Father was very vocal about his feelings something she sadly didn’t inherit from him. But in fact, was the complete opposite. Always keeping her wants and needs to herself.

It was a silent drive. She was mentally preparing herself for the school day, building up her skin, growing it thicker with every inch they came closer to the school. With her imagined suit of armor ready or not, she had to get out of the car as it came to halt too soon. She reached out for the car door to open it but ended up grabbing it more so for support.

"You know you can always talk to us, right?" he said while eyeing her out.

"I'm okay." she answered, forcefully making her lips curl up, imitating a smile. With all her strength she opened the car door, making herself jump out of the car as quickly as possible to prevent herself from actually taking his offer. She didn't know what was more uncomfortable staying and talking to him about everything or the enduring of another day in this school. There she stood still looking after the car her father had just driven off in. Already feeling eyes pierce into her skin. Momentarily her flight instincts kicked in and her legs began to move as if they had a mind on their own. She only allowed her eyes to look up from the ground when finding herself in the corridors of the school. She felt safer inside the building than under the open sky. There at least were rules to obey and teachers to enforce them. It was more civilized one could say. She let her eyes wander over the other students, wondering how they all shared the same uniform to symbolize a union, but still felt left out. She hardly saw someone walking by themselves as she did. They even moved more in groups than pairwise, like it was forbidden to walk alone, an unspoken rule. For a bit over two months, she is attending this school now, one of the best schools in town to be precise and already ranking first in class. The beginning was like all beginnings light-hearted but unpredictable. She lightly shook her head to get away from her thoughts. She didn't want to think about Sumner Lawton and the day he destroyed her chances to ever get along with anyone. The day he busted into class, connected his phone to the projector, playing a video she knew existed, but never wanted to see, much less wanted anyone else to see. But there he was playing it in front of the whole class which shortly after was circulating in the whole school. She didn't know if embarrassed was the right word. To her own surprise, she wasn't embarrassed by it, she was hurt. She wouldn't mind so much if it was directly regarding her, but her mother? That was something she could hardly bear. Judging her without knowing anything about the situation. She didn't deserve the derogatory looks they gave her. They didn't know her mother and even in their imagination, they couldn't make a more loving and kindhearted person up. Let alone compare her to their ice block of mothers, who were pushing their children to the edge of insanity. Of course, all that is in the name of love and to ensure their future. Her thoughts kept racing in her head, bringing color to her sharp cheekbones as she grew angrier at her classmates and their entitled families.

As she reached the stairs she gently pulled at her long hair, it got stuck under the bag she carried over her shoulders, keeping her busy. She could feel the tears flooding her eyes, she was frustrated with her hair, her mind tortured by all the thoughts circling around her, and simply overwhelmed with the whole situation. She stops halfway up the stairs. She could tell her parents, she thought. But what was she even supposed to say? "Mum, my classmates are bullying me because of the adult movie you did years ago?" she couldn't. It would break her mother's heart as she already felt bad about it, regretting ever participating in it, but she was young and desperately trying to get a foothold in the industry. Hollis understood. She didn't want explanations and apologies. There was nothing her mother needed to apologize to her for. What right did she have to judge her for decisions she had made a long time ago?

"Lowell, what are you so stunned about?"

She cringed at that voice, recognizing it without needing to take a look at its owner. Unmistakably, Sumner Lawton. He was from the beginning not of kind nature, especially towards her. She figured it must be because he was first in class before she came along and joined their infamous school. But still, it was so absurd to her, to be this driven by hate, for what? Grades? Whatever it was, it was enough for him to go out and find himself something to fuel his propaganda against her. He must be under a great amount of pressure she thought. From all the teachers, his parents, all the eyes that follow him in school, and even himself. This must be his reasoning, which he is defending his cruel actions against her with. His own pain. Still, he was, by all means, a lost cause to her. Nothing could justify his actions, not that he even saw a need in justifying himself.

"Your behind looks kinda familiar, you know what I mean?" he said, smiling. "Must be the genes," he pushed farther. Farther than she could take. Promptly she turned around, there were maybe three steps between them. Would he be any nearer, she was sure she would’ve hit him right across the face. But he was out of reach at least for now. He must have sensed it, frozen, not moving any closer, he was standing there and staring. Even with him standing a couple of steps below her, they still were almost at eye level. Her left eye twitched from tension, he was still unmoving. Then it hit her, he waited for her to go first! What did she look like, to have him so hesitant in his movement? They weren't close enough for her to see her reflection in his eyes. His eyes hold a sinister to her, never before has she found green eyes so untrustworthy. Insidious even. For the first time, she understood the description of "poisonous green". They were nothing like her mother's moss-green eyes, which had so much gentleness to them. She took a deep breath before deciding against a confrontation in this state, in which she couldn't control her demeanor nor would be satisfied with the possible outcome of it. Slowly she began to relax her tense shoulders again before she gave him one final look and turned around, determined to get as far away as possible.

She already was mentally praising herself for choosing the nonviolent path as she felt a hard grip on each side of her shoulders; yanking at them with all might. Before she could take even a glimpse at her attacker, she was torn down.

With the first impact, she felt a sharp pain in her back. The pain grew as she was toppling down the stairs, so did the spinning in her head with every new eruption of pain her body was hit with. She could hear a cracking sound, startled by the thought of it being her bones, panic started to kick in. It wasn't her shoulder, no, it was closer to her neck. There she was, finally coming to a hold, lying still on her back unable to move. With a racing mind and a paralyzed body, she tried to process what happened but she couldn't get ahold of a thought. She was in so much pain and still, she also felt in a way numb. She could feel something warm caressing the side of her face, down her temple disappearing into her hair, and warming the back of her ear until it finally reached her neck. The metallic taste on her tongue confirmed her fear, it was blood. With this realization, her eyes began to burn, hot tears were streaming down her face mixing with the blood from the cut under her left eye burning slightly. The pain, she would bear, but the blood made it impossible for her to get a grip of herself. She felt like she was laying there for an eternity. When would someone come for her? Help her? Save her? Her eyes were running her surrounding up and down, desperately trying to find something or someone to hold on to. The lamps on the ceiling seemed to get brighter and brighter. The glaring light was biting her eyes and impairing her vision. Everything was blurred and blended and she asked herself since when were tears this thick? She couldn't keep her eyes open any longer and slowly felt her eyelids grow heavy before finally closing them. There she laid what felt to her, like an eternity, sending silent prayers, begging the universe to free her of this nightmare. She didn't want to bear the deafening, dull drumming sound in her ears, the frustrating blurry sight, and the feeling of the wet warmth hugging her body. She wanted salvation from all that, the pain, the talking and judging of others, even from her parents. She was tired of considering everything in their regard. She could feel the guilt in her gut growing. She loved her parents and wanted to protect them but who protected her? Who made sure she was okay? Her parents ensure that she is loved and that is undeniable. Still, the feeling of being detached and distanced from them wouldn't shrink, not with time, not with the increase of showering her with love. They were very affectionate towards her. Never shied away from kissing and hugging her in public or in the way they made sure she had everything she ever wished for. Nothing to complain about as many others would say but she felt more like a puppy viewed as cute and loveable than her own person. Her thoughts kept fueling her tears, having her frustrated with the pain she couldn't detect the exact source of. With the last strength she had left, she tried to open her eyes again, failing greatly. Feeling her mind getting more and more clouded and her body slowly numbing down she gave in to that tempting, drowning feeling pulling at her mind and body. She couldn't remember anything greater than being finally free from pain. Was this her salvation? Her peace? Whatever it was she accepted it, embracing it before slowly drifting off falling into unconsciousness.