Love is Selfless

Both Haleema and Hoor looked at Ameerah as she entered.

“Umm, hello, I mean Assalam u alaikum. I hope you are not busy. I guess I should have texted you before coming.”

“Walaikum assalam. No no, not busy at all. Come meet Hoor, she is my mama’s friend’s daughter. Whenever she has to go somewhere important, she leaves her with me. Hoor, say salaam.”

Hoor said a shy salaam in a low voice, her big blue eyes observing Ameerah very closely. She had her beautiful golden hair tied in a ponytail. She seemed to be around nine to ten years of age. Ameerah sat down next to her, on the bed. “Which class are you in, princess?” She asked her politely.

“I go to the Madrassa. I am becoming a Hafiza of Quran,” she said proudly, her eyes beaming happily.

“Oh that’s really good. You must be really smart.”

“I am,” she replied, twirling a strand of golden hair on her finger.

“Your hair is so pretty. I wish I had such beautiful golden hair too,” Ameerah said touching her hair softly. Hoor giggled happily, before adding a shy “Thank you.”

There was a knock on the door, and Haleema went to see who it was. “Hoor, your mom is here to pick you up. Get your things, quick.” Hoor got up quickly and kept her things, a few books, markers, paint, and some play dough inside her pink bag. She then took the purple scarf on the edge of the bed and slipped it over her head. It was one of those stitched hijabs which have a hole for the face and you just slip it on, no pins, no wrapping required. After Haleema had helped her slip the straps of the bag on her shoulders, Hoor gave her a quick tight hug. When Haleema gestured towards me with her eyes, she came to me and stretched her hand out. I shook it gently, and she said salaam in a low voice, then turned around and skipped to the door happily.

“She’s adorable,” Ameerah said, once she was gone.

“I know, right? And she is so friendly. We’ve met only three times, and she has become really frank with me.”

“Aww. That is very sweet. She seems to be only ten years old, and she already takes hijab?” Ameerah had been so curious about it; she was waiting for Hoor to leave so she could ask Haleema about it.

Haleema smiled. She understood where this was going. “She goes to the Madrassa. They teach her the importance of Hijab, Ayahs of Quran, Ahadith etc. You know Ameerah, you don’t need to realize the importance of Hijab to do it. You don’t need to understand the benefits, weigh the pros against cons to be able to do it; you need to fall in love. My baba used to say, “When you fall in love, it becomes the very essence of your being, it makes you what you are, it controls you. It is not a commitment that needs to be fulfilled; it flows in your veins.” They don’t teach Hoor about Hijab as much as they teach her about love. They tell her about the love of Allah and the Prophet SAW. She has the blessed words of Quran inside her heart, the words that keep telling her how much Allah loves her. No one asked her to wear a Hijab at such a young age, but she can’t help it. She has to do it because it gives her great happiness. Do you know Ameerah, once a group of students in my class were discussing about Islam, and I heard a girl saying, “I love everything about Islam, except the Hijab. It’s too conservative for the modern age.” I would like to give you the reply that I sent her through an anonymous message. When Allah SWT asked Hazrat Ibrahim to jump into the fire, he didn’t say, “O Allah, I love everything about Islam, but the jumping in the fire part, I don’t think I can do that,” or when he had a dream where he was asked to sacrifice his son, he didn’t complain, “O Allah ta’ala, I love everything about Islam except the cutting my son’s throat part, I wouldn’t be able to do that,” or when he was asked to leave his family, his wife and his son in a barren valley where even a drop of water could not be found, he didn’t say, “Ya Allah, I love Islam but I love my family too. I cannot leave my family in a desert, so far away from home, with no food and water.” This is love Ameerah. It possesses a person like a ghost. It takes the person’s heart, mind and soul under its control. It doesn’t let a person think rationally. He didn’t do all this because he was a Prophet, but because he was in Love with the Rehman, his Khaliq. Do you know what happened in all the three scenarios? Allah made the fire cold for Hazrat Ibrahim, Allah replaced Hazrat Ismail with a goat when Hazrat Ibrahim was about to cut his throat, and Allah provided Hazrat Ibrahim’s family with Zam zam in the middle of the dry and barren desert. Allah loves us more than we ever will. What we do in our love for Him, He does far more than that. We cannot even imagine the ways in which He helps us. Not just the great Prophets, but great sinners like you and me as well.”

Ameerah was looking at Haleema keenly. Her throat tightened, and it became difficult for her to swallow her own saliva. She didn’t want Haleema to stop talking. She wanted to keep listening to her. Haleema’s eyes glistened with tears, and she tried to blink them away. Ameerah tried to control her racing heart, and took deep breaths to stop the tears welling in her eyes to leave her eyes, but when she could handle it no more, she gave in and let the streams of tears fall freely. She didn’t even lift a finger to wipe them. She wanted them to keep falling. She felt like the heavy burden that Haleema’s words had placed on her heart was being lifted with the falling tears. The pain she was feeling in her throat when she tried to blink back tears, was being relieved now as she sobbed silently. Haleema wiped her own tears, and looked at her, “Ameerah, I didn’t want to make you cry. I just tried to explain to you,” Ameerah cut her mid sentenced by placing a hand on her shoulder, “No no Haleema, I am fine. Your words just made me a little emotional. You are a great friend and a very good human being. I am so glad that Allah made me meet you. I wish you all the happiness in the world.” Then as if remembering something, she added, “What happened to your dad? You said that he “used” to say. Where is he?”

“He is in a much better place InshaAllah. May Allah give him a place in Jannah. Ameen.”

Ameerah regretted her stupid question and whispered an Ameen.

“He died just two years ago. That was when we shifted here from Kuwait. His family, his two brothers and their wives, they snatched away all his property from us illegally, and told us that there was no place for us in that house anymore, as our connection to the family had broken when my dad died,” Haleema explained in a sad voice. There was a distant look in her eyes.

“I am so sorry Haleema. I can’t even imagine how difficult it must have been for you, and how you were able to cope with all that. Your dad must have been a very great person. Anyone who knows you can testify to that. He raised such a smart and loveable daughter. ,” Ameerah said placing her hand on top of Haleema’s.

“And pretty too,” Haleema said trying to lighten the mood a little.

“Of course,” replied Ameerah laughing lightly.

“When baba died, I thought that my life was over, that the world contained nothing in it anymore. All I could see was barren deserted land as far as my eyes could see. But mama, she was my support. She had lost a husband but even after that she displayed such unwavering strength and Sabr (patience). That was when I realized what Tawakkul is, faith in Allah and Allah alone. Allah brought us out of that situation too, Alhamdulillah.

Mama had a friend here, aunt Zarka. When she learned about our situation, she sent us tickets and asked us to come and stay with them. We stayed at their house for a week, and then mama got a job here as a nurse and we shifted in this small home. That is when Salah came in the picture,” Haleema’s eyes twinkled at the mention of Salah, and she smiled lightly. “Salah is aunt Zarka’s son. Aunt Zarka mentioned to mama that Salah likes me. He never mentioned this to his mom, but his mom said that she just knew. I didn’t understand it at all at first. He always left the room when I entered, and never entered if he saw me sitting there. I thought he didn’t like me at all, so imagine my surprise when mama told me that he likes me. Aunt Zarka had asked him about me, and in her exact words, he was ecstatic about it. Mama talked to me about it, and wanted me to consider the proposal. I was shocked. I couldn’t imagine mama was talking to me about marriage. I mean I was sixteen years old, but she was sick at that time, even though it was just a throat infection,” Haleema rolled her eyes at that, and Ameerah laughed. “But she said that she wanted someone to enter my life, as she didn’t want to leave me alone when she died. She was really scared for me; I could see it in her eyes, so I agreed to do istikhara. Also I really liked his family. They are really loving and affectionate towards me. When I did the istikhara, usually I get a feeling if something is right for me or not, but this time I had a dream. It was such a beautiful dream, that I cannot explain in words what I felt during it. It was as if I had started loving him then and there, in the dream itself, which I know you think is crazy, but it felt like that love was put inside my heart by Allah. It was such a strong feeling. If someone asked me when I fell in love with Salah, I wouldn’t be able to answer that, because now it seems like I have been in love with him since forever. Even though I confessed it very late even to myself, but the moment those words left my mouth, I came to believe that when Allah made my heart, he made it with this love inside it.” Ameerah gaped at her with open mouth. She was really surprised to hear such deep and strong words from her. “wow!” she exclaimed.

Haleema remembered the time when she had told the same thing to Salah. He had laughed so adorably, the tiny wrinkles that she loved appearing in the corner of his eyes, that Haleema could not look away. It was as if someone had pressed the pause button and she was just stuck there staring at him. He took her breath away. In that tiny moment of awe and wonder, she had stood on her toes, tilted her head and had kissed him gently on his smiling lips. He was slightly shocked at first, as he could have never expected this out of her. She had just recently started coming out of her shyness. He pulled back an inch out of surprise, and then kissed her again, pulling her close and embracing her lightly in his arms. After that bold move, Haleema hid her face in his chest as he kissed the top of her head. When he tried to pull her apart, she held him more tightly and pressed her face harder into his chest. He laughed loudly and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She stayed like this for a while, silently listening to his heart beat, the heart that held love for her inside it.

Ameerah snapped her fingers in front of her and Haleema was brought back from her thoughts to the present. “Mrs. Salah, hellooo! You can dream about your husband at night.” Haleema smiled shyly.

“Haleema, I must say, I am mesmerized by your love story. It is so pure and I pray that you both stay extremely happy with each other forever.” For a moment Ameerah thought about telling her about Zarak, but then she decided against it. She couldn’t. After listening to such a pure love story, which took place according to Allah’s will and keeping His pleasure in mind, she just couldn’t.

Before leaving, she went into the washroom to wash her face as the tears had smudged her eye liner. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her dark brown hair reached till her waist. She had straightened them and they fell loosely on either side of her face. She suddenly felt irritated by them. She took out a clip from her bag and tied her hair tightly on her head, in a bun.