3. Nostalgia

MICHAEL

The thing about nostalgia is, it makes you want to live in a period of time that was long over, a period of time you held onto. So essentially you are living in the past, more precisely you are living in your head.After dad died, I used live a lot in my head because the world in my head was better than world outside, it had my dad in it. After sometime my mom pulled me out of it and told me that" the worst thing one can do to oneself is live in their head.

No good comes out of it Michael. By living in your memories you stop creating new ones and when you look back you will realize what you have missed out on, you miss out on the present.It's like you're trapped in an endless loop, it's bad for you. You get hung up on the what -IFs that you no longer focus on what-IS. A moment presents us with two choices Michael, you can either live it, experience it to the fullest or you can completely by pass by living in your past or worrying about the future. No good comes out of the latter. So choose to live in the moment, make new memories , good ones because only the light has the power to drive away darkness. Choose light, choose to live happy and always be grateful for what you have because if I can sum up life in three simple words, IT GOES ON. You might as well make the most of it."

I will never forget mom's words ever. Growing up I've realized that there's a lot of difference between living and being alive. Most people live, as if they are in auto pilot. They get so caught up in monotony, there's only black & white to their lives and there are people who live in between, in the grey. So few people have the color to them. The vibrance of being alive. My mom is one of those rare fews. A perfect splash of color in the black , white, grey world. I once asked how she has moved on from the tragedy , why she hasn't remarried and what keeps her going forward and she said

" I fell in love with the world Michael. I fell in love all over again . I've realized how each moment offers each one of so much emotion and experience. I felt grateful for what I had. It was gratitude that changed me for the better Michael, gratitude for having you in my life, for being alive, for having all this luxury, for having my parents and friends, for everything. If thank you is the only prayer you ever say in your life, it's sufficient my dear"

So I started practicing gratitude from a very young age , not as much as my mom does but in a little way , in my own way and now when I look back, it helped me shape the individual I am today. Of course I want to grow , be better, do better , live to my highest potential but one one thing gratitude did to me was that it grounded me. Gave me a new perspective. I started looking life in a different way. It helped me, healed me. There's not a moment I miss my dad but I'm so grateful for having a good dad, for the time we've spent and all that he has left behind. Memories and lots of money. The T&C enterprises is a multi million dollar company which has its hands everywhere, in manufacturing, imports &exports, textiles everywhere. My dad and Uncle Tony were the founders and needless to say we own half of it. In addition to that dad had major shares in my name in several companies when I was only a kid and that has left me with a lot of money too. Of course mom handles everything but one day I want to become the man who deserves the silver spoon. I want to be the man who's gonna take over my dad's place and I want to be worthy of that. That's who I want to be, a man who's worthy and deserving, like my dad.

"Its okay honey, we took care of that, yes I'm gonna call you if I need anything and yes you will be invited to lunch very soon, hahah Lizzy honey you'll be invited to dinner too, okay , bubye "

Over the past couple of years I've been accustomed to mom talking to this Lizzy. She's Uncle Tony's daughter whom I've never met in my entire life for some reason considering how close both of our families are. But mom always told me that Uncle Tony's family was not the best. Apparently he remarried leaving my mom's college best friend Aunt Mary Jane to fend for herself. But being a business woman herself she handled it pretty well. That's all I know about them.

"Michael are you all set for school?"

School starts Monday. I don't know how I feel about school. Being the new kid in high school doesn't look very exciting.

"Yeah mom, I guess I am"

"Oh Michael, don't get nervous, you'll do great and you'll have Lizzy over there. I don't know if she's in any of your classes but meet her anyway. She said she'll be at the lockers before class starts at 8:50, she can show you around, she can help you make some new friends. Don't worry she's great! Oh and her name is Elizabeth, Elizabeth Taylor"

I nodded and processed all the information my mom's thrown at me regarding Liz, Lizzy, aka Elizabeth . And why don't people call her El, and what's lizzzz like some sort of creature, like lizard. Elizabeth's such a beautiful name. And like hell I'm gonna meet her. The last thing I want to do to myself is get a spy at school. Not that I'm gonna be involved in any sort of activities but the lack of involvement is what bothers my mom the most. I don't want her to think that I'm not happy here. But being social is not my forte and I'm not change myself now, especially not in senior year of high school. I went to bed that night thinking how wonderful it would have been to have Dad around while I was graduating high school and how to avoid this Liz person at school.