CHAPTER 8 : Rival

My father called for me later that night for dinner. He wanted us to dine together. Up to that point I'd been hiding out in my room, purposely avoiding my father.

He sat alone at the end of the lengthy mahogany table. I stood by the arched entrance for an awkward second before I willed my body to enter.

I was dreading this dinner.

He cleared his throat as I approached the table, "take a seat," he ordered and without hesitation I obeyed. I sat across from him on the other side of the table.

We hadn't eaten a meal together in years.

We easily descended into awkward silence. Which was to be expected. My father had never been one for small talk. And I was too scared to talk, after our earlier conversation, my voice failed me. However the silence quickly became insufferable. It was suffocating.

"How do you like your new school?" My father broke the silence, and I raised my head to meet his gaze, which I immediately shied away from.

"It's okay," I mumbled returning my gaze back to my almost empty plate.

We fell into another silence. When the end of the painfully awkward family dinner finally arrived, I rose to my feet and with a mumbled 'good night' I made my way back to my room.

Things between us were... awkward, at best. They had always been. My whole life my father and I had never been truly close. Our relationship was strained. And that's why I believed it was so easy for him to send me away. I had always thought he had done it because he didn't want to take care of me. My mother was the caring one, she loved me. But I had always felt like a burden around my father. I tried not to be, I always tried to do as I was told, always tried to please him but no matter what I did, it never seemed to be good enough.

At times I thought he hated me. It's a terrible thing for a child to think. But I felt as if my father truly despised me. Why else would he treat me so coldly?

I hated feeling so inadequate, if I could be better maybe he'd finally show me some affection. I had worked my whole life trying to please him. I got straight A's, I was well behaved, I never got into trouble, well until the expulsion.

I feared that stain would haunt me forever. I'd disappointed him, I knew it and I hated it. I hated feeling like a disappointment. I just wanted him to be proud of me. He was father, and like most children I craved his approval.

I think that's also one of the reasons I never came out to him. I literally had no idea what his reaction would be. I didn't know him well enough but I feared the worst. What if he disowned me? I was completely reliant on him for all my expenses. I had no one else. The only other family I had was my aunt Jess and she lived half way across the country. He was all I had.

I couldn't help but feel that if my mother was still alive, things would be different. She definitely would have accepted me.

Once I was in my room I made quick work out of changing into my pajamas. I was curled up in bed nearing sleep when my buzzing phone brought me back to full consciousness. I fumbled for it on my bedside table as I sat up straight.

"H-Hello?" I said with a croaky voice. Whoever was on the other end immediately hung up at the sound of my voice. Bringing my phone back from my ear I stared at the unknown number in my call logs.

How strange.

Snuggling back into my bed, I closed my eyes and let sleep consume me. It was probably just a wrong number. Nothing to worry about.

.......................

We left early for school the next morning as we always did. I was extremely anxious. My father's arrival had temporarily distracted me from the kiss from Adrian, but now that I was heading towards him, it was all I could think about.

I didn't want to read into it and get my hopes up. It was just a kiss on the cheek, a friendly gesture. I refused to let myself see it as anything more. I dismissed the very idea of Adrian liking me. It was laughable, Adrian liking me. Me? I had to be completely delusional to even contemplate that.

And though I had pushed away the idea of Adrian liking me, I was still incredibly nervous. How would I even act around him, now? I was already a mess around him, I would be a complete disaster now. It was safe to say I had a crush on him, that was undeniable. He didn't like me, also undeniable. But if I had to live through another plutonic kiss to the cheek I would burst. I couldn't be around affection like that if I was trying to get over him. It wouldn't end well.

Harrod dropped me off in the parking lot as always, I informed him that Abby would be bringing me home so there was no need for him to come pick me up. He nodded before he drove off.

My stomach was in knots as I walked towards the school. I hesitated at the front entrance. I tried to tell myself that I was being silly. It was stupid to be anxious. Nothing had changed. Nothing could change.

I took in a deep breath, stilling my nerves. Clutching my book bag tightly over my shoulder I forced myself into the school. I navigated my way through the horde of teenagers as I headed for my locker.

I jumped with a embarrassing squeal when Lily snuck up on me. I clutched my hand over my chest as I tried to sturdy my panicked heart.

"Hi Marky," she said with a cheerful smile adorning her face, I tried not to cringe at the nickname. I also tried to return her friendly smile, "so did you ask?"

My expression fell at her question.

"Um...yeah, I did," I mumbled as I fiddled with hem of my shirt. She looked at me expectantly, with eager eyes that were demanding for me to go on. I cleared my throat "I actually asked Abby instead. I figured since they're best friends she'd obviously know. Because you know, best friends know everything about each other. Like you and Paige probably tell each other everything—"

"Mark," she interrupted my rumbling with a soft chuckle, "your point?"

"Sorry," I nervously rubbed my neck, "he's not dating anyone."

"That's great," she wrapped her arms around me in a quick hug. "Thanks Marky."

"Sure," I cleared my throat again, trying to dispel the uncomfortable ping in my heart I felt at that moment.

She was nice and that was the worst part about it. I really didn't like her, for the simple fact that she liked Adrian. I was jealous. But I knew it was stupid. Adrian and Lily would make a great couple. I should have been happy for them. Adrian was my friend. I had to be happy for him.

"I'll see you later," She said as she backed away from me, "we should hang out sometime."

"Yeah, sure" I murmured and she walked away with a small wave and a cheery smile.

......................

During lunch, I sat at my usual table with Abby and Adrian but things were anything but usual. I was stammering more so than usual, nervous out of my wit. It was as if my mind had taken a temporary vacation and left me to suffer alone.

It didn't help that I would catch Adrian staring at me, my cheeks burned hot every time and I nearly choked at least twice. I was a wreck but he found it funny. A ghost of a smile teased the corner of his lips every time I said something stupid, which was a lot.

I was making an utter fool of myself and the moment Paige and Lily stopped by our table I thanked the goddess.

"Hi guys," Paige greeted , and I notice the tick in Adrian's jaw, I had a feeling he didn't like her very much. I couldn't fathom why, Paige was the nicest person I'd ever met. The whole school loved her.

"Hi Adrian," Lily said with a flirty wave and I dropped my gaze. However he completed ignored Lily's presence.

"What do you want?" His tone was bitter as his question was directed at Paige.

"I'm throwing a Halloween party this Friday, and I wanted to invite you guys." Paige replied unfazed by Adrian's harsh tone, as if she almost expected it.

"No thank you," he said immediately, drawing his attention back to his half empty tray of food.

"Really? That's bad, it's gonna be fun," she said with a sullen pout, before she turned her attention to me. Her signature smile returned to her face, "how about you Mark, wanna come?"

"Um...I–uh, I...um" I stuttered, as I tried to come up with an excuse. I didn't want to hurt Paige's feelings but after the last party I was at, I didn't think it was a good idea for me to attend another one. Paige was nice I couldn't flat out say no to her, and I didn't even get the chance.

"He's coming and so is he," Abby cut in pointing to Adrian with her tumb. Adrian turned his head glaring at her but otherwise he didn't say a thing, "We'd be happy to attend your party."

"Great, see you there," she beamed and waved at us, as her and Lily returned to their table.

"Why'd you do that?" Adrian pinned Abby with an annoyed glare.

"You need it," she said taking in a folk full of pasta into her mouth, "it'll be fun. When was the last time you did something fun?"

He huffed but didn't say anything else. He sulked as he finished his meal.

"You don't have to go if you don't want to," she was talking to me now.

"No, it's cool. I want to go," it wasn't a lie. Now that I knew that both of them would be going, it didn't seem like such a bad idea. It could be fun, as long as I stayed away from the alcohol.

......................

By the end of the school day I sat in Abby's car on our way to my house to finish up our project. She had the radio on as we listened and sang along to twenty pilots' hype. We were both awful at singing and ended up laughing at our out of tune voices. But it was fun.

"You really don't have to go to the party if you don't want to," she said turning off the ignition.

"It's okay, I wanna go," we walked into the house together. The house was quiet and we went straight to my room.

"Really?" She set her bag by the bed, taking out her note book, "because I totally get it if you don't. I kinda just answered for you." She nervously bit her bottom lip.

"I'm sure," I gave her a reassuring smile.

We settled on the bed opening up our books. But before we got started I a burning question eating away at me, that I needed to ask.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shot," she said her eyes focused on the page she'd opened.

"Why does Adrian not like Paige?"

"That's a long story" she said meeting my eyes, "It's complicated, they've been at each other's throats since we were five."

"Why?"

"They're both kinda over achievers, so they always try to one up each other," she explained. I hadn't pegged Adrian as the competitive type. "We should get started."

After that we focused on the project until we were finished. I walked Abby back to her car.

I walked back into the house, heading for the library, only to stop mid track when I caught a glimpse of someone in the parlor. I peered into the room to find my father. His gaze was drawn to a picture frame in his hand. It was a picture of my mother.

His expression was pained, I wasn't the only one who missed her. He didn't always show it but he loved her, and losing her must have hurt him a great ordeal. He grieved her, even though it was in secret.

I didn't understand my father, he wasn't an easy man to understand, too complicated. But in that moment, his emotions were simple, apparent, real. He was a man grieving his dead wife. He had a heart, even though he didn't always show it. I felt as though I was intruding on a private. I slowly backed away from the entrance, only to bump into a table holding an ornamental vase. I turned just in time to catch the vase and stop it from shattering.

"Hello?" My father asked from the parlor, his attention jerked by the commotion.

"Sorry, I tripped," I said as I bashfully peeked into the room.

"Marcus, be more careful," he reprimanded and I hung my head in shame, mumbling another apology.

"I'm gonna go to my room, and finish my homework" I informed him.

"Okay, very well." And with that I made my escape.