Chapter 8

With Kassy leading Jen and Kassy walk down the stairs. Kassy stood as they were walking down as if something stopped her. Jen stops with. Kassy opens her bag and gives Jen a condom. Jen reacted with shock. Although Kassy told her she must always be careful this was not what she had in mind.

'Take it. If your customer doesn’t bring one, use one.' Jen took the condom of Kassys hand and put it on her bag. They went out the door as they finished the stares. Kassy looks at Jen. Jen was very nervous.

'You know you don't have to do this!' Kassy trying to talk her out of her decision.

'No no. Am good.' Jen walks before Kassy trying to prove her confidence. Kassy nods her head praying all goes well and follows.

'So a car usually passes by so all you so is try and seduce them to take you. Or more like pick you.' Kassy talks filled with humiliation and embarrassment. It could be read from her face that she felt cheap. A man giving privilege to choose a women of variety to take and sleep with her for money. Kasys felt down trying to explain.

'Well good luck. We should stand apart.' Jen agrees and watches Kassy walks away.

There were many beautiful women. Jen felt insecure. They had different types of cloths on. They definitely dressed to impress. A car drives by Jen as she stood there. He stops the car and pulls down his window and looks at Jen very well.

'Get in' he demands. Jen was scared to get into the car. The man didnot seem friendly at all. He was mean. And he looks like he had a lot to drink. Jen takes a deep breath and get into the front sit. He was bold and short. He also had a beard that looks dirty, looks like it hasnot been shaved since it grew. He puts his right hand on Jens thigh. Jen looks at him swallowing her pride. He gives her a creepy smile, she looks away. 'I have never seen you before. Are you new?' He asks. Jen nods yes.

After not long of travelling the car stopped and they both got out. He brought Jen to a motel. He walks faster she followed. He already had the key on his hand, he opens the door of the room which was on the first floor. He lets her in and locks the door behind her. She stood still holding her bag tight with both her hands. He starts to take of his cloth. She knew she had to do the same as well but her body would not obey orders given from the mind. He stood in front of her. She sees his body. He approaches her and touches her pushing her to take off her cloth. She turns around and tears comes running. She wanted to leave at that instant but again she thought. She pulls herself together and places her bag on the floor. He unzips her dress from the side and takes it off. She continuously keep telling herself she can go this. She prays that the time flies faster than ever. She closes her eyes and gives herself up. The time was slow. It was so slow she was praying time would move quicker and take her with. Time is a gift many say. But tonight was a curse for Jen. Minutes turn into hours and hours into a life time. 'When will this end?!' Jen mumbles in pain with her eyes closed as she lies on the bed on her front while he was moaning behind her back.

As all was over with Jen wears her cloth back up, holds her hills and bag together closer to her chest and stood infront of him. The man get up from the bed and searches for his trouser to pay.

'I will pick you up tomorrow.' He speaks handing her the money. She takes it and walks out with silence.

Every day this routine continued. She made regular customers and inconstant ones. It took sometime but she got into the system. She did things different. She mostly would be called out instead of stand like she used to with Kassy.

The money was good. Jen earned more than what Kassy would but that made there bond tight as they shared and maneged there finances. They took care of each other and became a family.

'Then why did you not tell me all this?' Rob asks with disappointment in his eyes.

'I was scared.' Jen replied. Rob took a moment to gather his thoughts and stands up from where he was sitting. He fix his cloth and walks out without a word. Jen stood there watching him leave. He stands holding the door knob and speaks.

'Was any of it real?' He asks trying to cover his tears with his elbow.

'Yes. What I feel for you is real. I do love you Rob.' Jen speaks in tears. Rob clears his throat and closes the door as she leaves. Jen sits down with hopelessness filled in her heart. She breaths in and out trying to calm herself, giving her heart hope that tomorrow might bring something good.

April 2,

Jen was caught up in her thoughts she didnot hear Kassy sit beside her. Jen woke as Kassy placed her fingers on her leg.

'You ok?' Kassy asks looking Jen into her eyes. Jen nods yes with a fake smile.

'He didnot call?' kassy asks. Jen nods no. Kassy looks away in search for a solution to this situation. But there was none. She turns going behind Jens back and hugs her. Jen holds Kassys hands that were wrapped around her chest tight and tears come down.

'Thank you for being here.' Jen speaks in low tone.

'Lets go out.' Kassy requests and demands at the same time.

'I don't feel like doing anything right now.' Jen answers. Kassy knows how stubborn Jen is but she gave it a shoot any ways and ended up losing. Kassys phone rings. 'O shoot. I totally forgot.' Kassy speaks out after looking at the number.

'Hello.' She walks around talking and come back to Jen.

'Don't tell me you still didnot get the ceiling fixed?' Jen asks.

'I was but..' Jen looks away.

'What happened to the money I gave you?' Jen asks looking back.

'I have it. It was him that called. He said he is coming now to fix it.'

'Now? At this time?' Jen looks at Kassy. Jen knew Kassy was lying and there was another truth behind all this fix my ceiling excuse. But Jen chose to say nothing. Kassy grabs her bag and gives Jen a kiss.

'I will see you tomorrow.'

'Bye' Jen smiles.

'And don't forget to eat. I put it in the fridge.' She speaks shouting while walking out. She comes back running

'You better eat no matter how much you hate my cooking.' Kassy walks out again screaming good bye. Jen smiles at her ridiculously funny and amazing friend. More like sister. She takes the pillow that was on the end of the sofa and wears it. She fixes the pillow behind her and lies on her back looking through the window. The rain starts to drop. 'How unlucky Kassy is.' She mumbles to herself at the same time being amused of how the rain rains every time she felt blue. So once again she wishes if the rain could wash the pain away along with her sins. She closes her eyes and thinks about Rob. Of how she did him wrong. If only she was honest with him from the start. But again maybe all this wouldn't have been possible if she did. Maybe he wouldn't have looked at her the same. She wipes her tears with her blanket.

'What is the purpose of my existence?' Jen asks herself. Many thoughts line up to be ticked as they pass. 'What is the purpose of life itself?' She gazes away beyond the window and into the little rain droplets. Jen was rasied in a religious family and society so she was thought of how God created human and there purposes inlife. But it has been a while since she talked to him. She looks up to the ceiling imagining God looking down from above.

'Hi.' She smiles. Her tears drop.

'It has been a while since we talked. I have been..' Jen takes a deep breath. 'You know.. you know how I have been. How have you been? How is taking care of the world like?' Jen smiles with her jokes realizing how lame she sounds. 'Sorry.' She smiles again.

'I am useless God. I know you will tell me am not but I feel like I am. I feel used. Feel hopeless. I am a liar. And I am a sinner.' Jen cries for a minute. She cries loud with pain that caused her from admitting what she did thinking it defined her. She takes a deep breath and gets herself together.

'So why did you bring me into this world? Ha?! So that I can feel pain? So that I can cause others pain. My parents? My friends? Rob?' She sits from where he was lying and bring her necks closer to her chest and hands on her hair holding her head.

'Please forgive me? Please God. Help me find my way. I don't know who I am anymore.' She cries. She continues crying she can feel her head pump so fast. She wipes her tears and lies back as how she was. The rain still rains. She takes her blanket and wears it holding the endings tight. She looks at the trees and wishes if she was a tree. Only the wind and sun would come to visit. But then she thought of how the rain would cry every now and then it would hurt the tree. But those tears would give it life back again. Then she wishes ones again if this pain would only bring back hope and happiness as that is all Jen needs at the moment. And so she takes a deep breath and let it all go. 'This too shall pass.' She mumbles to herself and closes her eyes to rest.