Chapter 2

Why do people cry at funerals? Half of them don't even know who the person really was, and the other half try to put on a show. In some ways, I guess both halves feel some remorse, remorse for not taking the time to know the individual. Blinded by their own judgment of the person or feel obligated to be the loudest person in the congregation because they actually " knew" the person.

It was no secret in this town that my mom, if I can even call her that, was a drug user. Shit, a drug whore, well, that's what I heard a couple of townies threw around when they spoke of her. Mostly those who had some form of issue with her. People who she owed money or was sleeping with someone's wife or husband for money. Yeah, she was classy like that. I watched as they lowered her into the ground. I felt the telltale pinpricks at the back of my eyes. I took a deep breath as my vision got blurry; you will not cry! I chanted to myself. I looked up at the sky, hating that it was sunny. 'Fucking movies, or maybe she wasn't good enough for it to rain.'

" You okay?" My aunt asked. I sighed and looked at her. " I mean, I know your not okay, but I-never mind." She said while drying her tears.

" I'm doing better than you," I said with a sarcastic smile; Angie shook her head and walked away. I watched as everyone made their way to their various transportation modes, heading to the country club for food. I wonder if that's why they were here anyway. I made my way to the car. Angie started to pull out immediately after I buckled my seat belt.

" I'm sorry," I said. She looked over at me briefly, probably shocked.

" It's okay." She said and went back to focusing on the road. I looked out the window and watched the trees rush by and the clouds try to chase us. I shifted my vision to the side mirror and saw a broken girl looking back at me, and her eyes were bloodshot from rubbing away her tears, her lips chapped from licking them too much. Her skin pale as if she was the one dead; maybe she was dying, perhaps her soul was slowly fading, and one day her light will go dim.

*Present*

I looked down at my breakfast. I sighed and dropped by spoon before rubbing my face. I felt warm arms wrap around my waist; I shifted my head to give him more access to my neck. Dallas peppered me with light kisses before resting his chin on my shoulder.

" Why are you up so early?" I asked before putting a spoonful of my oatmeal in my mouth. He kissed my jaw before making his way over to the fridge.

" Going for a hike, figured I should start early." He said; I nodded and looked over at the clock on the wall at 5:30. He walked out of the kitchen and made his way around the island.

" No breakfast for me? " He asked with mock hurt; I rolled my eyes before pushing my bowl to the end of the opposite side of the island.

"You're never up this early, but you can have some of my breakfast," I said; he smiled and leaned over and pecked my lips.

" I was just kidding, but I won't deny free food," Dallas said before putting a massive spoonful in his mouth; I swear he ate half my breakfast in that bite.

" Damn, piggy." I said with a giggle; he chuckled before walking back around the island to smack me on my butt." Who are you calling piggy?" He whispered in my ear, his hand still on my cheek. I pushed back into him before saying, "you."

He chuckled, then lightly bit my earlobe. I smiled and then continued eating my breakfast.

" Did you get some rest after you left bed last night?" Dallas asked. I shook my head, no. My schedule was pretty much the same, get out of bed at 2:00 and pack my bag for practice, then preparing my pointe shoes. Then at 4:00, I do my Pilate workout to get my body ready for the day, then take a shower and get dressed. By 5:00, I should be making breakfast.

Dallas removed his warmth and went to put on his shoes. I moved to wash my bowl.

" I'll see you later, gonna finish getting dressed," I said after pecking his cheek and making my way to our bedroom. I walked over to my vanity table and turned on the mirror lights. I ran my hand through my hair; I kind of miss my natural hair. I permed it a while back; it was easier to keep in a neat bun that way.

Speaking of my hair, I need to schedule an appointment. I can see a few coils starting to appear again. I looked through the glass staring beyond the reflection, hoping to find something, anything. I blinked and looked over my features, perfectly arched eyebrows followed by my cat-like eyes. Long lashes that add to my delicate doll-like appearance. My button nose and slightly pink plush lips. High cheekbones and skin that would put a baby to shame. Some would kill for a face and body like mine. To be me; A principal ballerina for the 5th most famous ballet company globally, at 24. I chuckled at the thought. Would they be ready to take on the ever-looming demons, the ever-present worry, and fear?

I sighed and snapped myself out of my thoughts, slamming the door shut to prevent the eager darkness from entering. To avoid the taunting memories from entering and settling. I refuse to have a bad day today. I refuse to smile today just because I have to for my routine. I want to be happy today, and I will.

"YOU ARE HAPPY!" I repeated it mentally until I started mumbling it. I blinked back my tears and started to do my hair. I grabbed my bag and headed towards the garage. I started my car and pulled out to start my journey.

" Hey," I said as I sat down beside Halle to join her in stretches; we've been friends since I first joined this company. She's the only friend I've ever had; growing up, people would warn their children to stay away from me. They thought I would be a bad influence; I don't blame them. At the age of 13, I could state in detail how meth was made for my classmates. I understand now that they were protecting their children. But back then, I just wanted someone to play with.

" You ready to not be able to feel your legs and smile through the pain!!" She said with mock eagerness. I laughed and nodded before getting up and making my way to the barre.

" Are you excited?" She questioned

" I'm actually kinda nervous, excited, but nervous," I said before looking back at her.

" Why are you nervous? You killed your audition, and you deserved that role." She said with a smile. I fucking love this girl." Plus, even though you hide it, we both know you have a dark side, so you're perfect for the Odette/Odile role." She said with a wink. I laughed and rolled my eyes; she has no idea how dark I can truly get or how dark I indeed was.

After our hour and thirty minutes of ballet class, we finally started to get ready for the rehearsal. I could feel the sweat dripping in my eyes, but I had to blink the sting away and make the necessary facial expression. My calves burned, my toes ache, but it all felt soothing to me.

"Stop!" Madame Bernard said. I watched as the girls depicting the little swans stop. She went ahead, scolding them and complaining that Layla was not keeping up. I could feel her embarrassment, mainly because I have felt the sharpness of Madame's tongue. She was actually kind today.

" Again, from the top!" She said while clapping her hands. I mentally groaned and looked over at Halle. She mouthed kill me, making me giggle before getting in position. Don't get us wrong; we love our job; I love my job so much, but shit gets painful.

" If I hear Madame yell from the top again, I'm throwing my shoes at her," Halle said while stabbing my asparagus.

" You dear have some serious anger issues," I said with a mouthful of grilled Salmon. I freaking love Salmon; I would eat it for every meal.

" No, I don't; I'm just sore and sleepy ." She mumbled before pouting.

" Well, someone should have gone to bed early and not fuck around the whole night," I said with a teasing smile

" Shut up, I would do it all over again if I could," she said with a pleased smirk," in fact, I'm doing it again tonight, so Quinn better is ready." She said before bursting out with laughter after seeing my face.

" Where do you get the energy ?" I asked while laughing. This girl and her partner are like love-struck bunnies, always at it.

"Stop, as if you and Dallas don't get on hot and heavy."

" You guys beat us." She shrugged at my response before biting her chicken. Dallas and I were complicated, we loved each other, but I don't know. We aren't like other couples, and I don't mean that in a cliche, cheesy way. We do stuff; differently. We weren't as affectionate as Halle and Quinn or other couples, but we still showed each other love. Sex was great, it was good, it was great. It was okay, sweet when needed, and rough when needed. Dallas was great in bed, but we didn't do it a lot.

" Are you gonna finish that?" Halle questioned while taking a piece of my Salmon; she didn't even finish her food.

" I will bite you," I said with half-smile; she winked at me before leaning in.

" I like it when you talk dirty to me." She said, making us both die of laughter.

Droplets poured over my face as I held my face under the shower. There was something about standing directly under the pouring faucet. It's like the water beats away all of your pain, your struggles, everything that hurts, and carries it away—making room for the hurt of another day. I stepped out and headed to my locker before quickly getting dressed. I made my way out of the studio and made my way to the hair salon. I was lucky enough to get a slot.

" I'm home," I said as I closed the garage door, no response. I placed our food on the island before walking to our bedroom. No one.

" Hey, where are you?" I asked after Dallas picked up after the first ring.

" I'm hanging out with some friends, I told you." He said I don't remember having that conversation with him.

" You didn't-"

" Azalea, I'm not doing this right now." He said before hanging up. Doing what, he didn't even let me finish. I rolled my eyes and groaned before send him a message explaining myself. I don't have a problem with him hanging out with his friends; I really don't care. I was saying we didn't have that conversation but have fun. Why is he so pissy sometimes. I threw my phone down on the couch and walked over to the good smelling bag. I pulled out my food and dug in.

" So, you're just gonna ignore my calls," Dallas said, scaring the hell out of me. I didn't even realize he walked in here.

" I'm not ignoring your calls; I left my phone upstairs," I said while moving away from my barre. I usually do some stretches before bed; it helps me to sleep better.

" Furthermore, you know I don't get service in here," I said, referring to my dance room; he rolled his eyes and walked over to me, stumbling a little.

" I had to call an Uber because you didn't pick up." He said as it was the worst thing ever, " You know how that looks to my friends that saw that we disagreed." He said while invading my personal space. I stepped after smelling the strong alcohol on his breath.

I'm not afraid of him, he's never raised his hands after me, but I prefer to be safe than sorry. I learned the hard way that alcohol could change a person.

"Let's get you to bed," I said before stepping towards him. He rolled his eyes and pushed me to the floor; he stumbled a bit from the force. I scooted away from him this time, keeping my distance. He laughed before walking towards me; I inched away with each advance until my back hits the wall.

He stooped so that we were face to face. I turned my head to the side, trying to stoic my face and control my breathing.

" What you afraid of me now?" He said while gripping my chin, forcing me to look at him. He looked into my eyes and then smiled. What is wrong with him? I've never seen him like this before. This wasn't just drunk.

" Give me a kiss." He said so sweetly I almost forgot what just happened.

" Dallas, leave me alone," I said while pushing his hand away. He growled before smashing both his hands beside my head, framing me in.

" I love you." He said and pecked my forehead, making his way over my nose to my lips. I felt my heart rate pick up again; please don't do this.

He kissed me, a sloppy alcohol dense kiss. I pulled back, hating the feeling, I tried to push him away, but he was freaking stable and determined for a drunk guy.

His eyes looked over my body, and his right hand fell to grab my boob. I felt tears hit my cheeks; he looked up at my face pulled back.

" Fine, play hard to get." He said while standing and adjusting his erection before walking away. I heard the door slammed shut and felt my lungs burn; I took several deep breaths realizing that I had stopped breathing. I got up and ran over to the door and locked it. I pressed my back against it and slid down.

I tried to stop my hands from shaking, to stop my head from buzzing, my heart from racing. I wanted to end it all, but nothing helped. I just gave up and let the cries leave my body, the screams from earlier this morning the ones from fear—the ones I buried years ago. I made everything poured out.