Chapter 7

" What's up with you?" Halle asked as she sat beside me at our lunch spot. I shook my head while continuing to pick at my meal.

" Z," She said and arched her eyebrow, waiting for my response. I don't want to talk about it, but I know she wouldn't give up. She would find some way to wiggle it out of me; I swear she could work with the FBI if this ballerina thing didn't work out. She's as persistent as the devil.

"I feel bad about something and embarrassed. Please drop it," I said. She rolled her eyes and put her hand up in defeat, but I know she only gave up for now. She'll bring it back up later.

I groaned as I stepped out of the shower in the locker room. I sat and rolled my shoulders, groaning at the pops and soothing numbness that followed. She's gonna kill us, and I am convinced that's her goal in life.

" So we're going to get smoothies, and your gonna talk to me," Halle said as she threw her damp towel at me and started getting dressed. I looked at her and rolled my eyes, not even trying to argue with her right now. I started to get dressed, mumbling how much of a body bitch she could be. The psychopath only laughed and took my car keys from my locker. I pouted and followed behind her as she leads me out of the studio.

********

" So what had you pouting?" She questioned, then began drinking her smoothie, she did her little "orgasm" face, and I couldn't help but laugh. She does that every time she eats or drinks something tasty. Her eyes would roll back slightly, and her face would morph into one of pure pleasure. Sometimes she'll even give off a little moan. I can't deal with her.

" I messed up with Dallas last night," I said and took a drink from my smoothie, trying to hide my embarrassment as the events played in my mind.

" What happened, hun?" She questioned, seeing the obvious distress on my face. It never happened before, and we were always careful to avoid triggers.

" I broke down while we were having sex," I whispered, not wanting other customers to hear me.

I don't know how it happened; everything was going on great, Like GREAT then it wasn't.

*Flashback*

I smiled and tried to regulate my breathing as Dallas dropped beside me. I could still feel the tingles running through my body, proof of my epic fall from an even more breathtaking climb. I rolled over onto my side and traced his chest. The sweat from his skin moistened my fingers as I glide them across his abs and pecs. I looked down at me and smiled before kissing my forehead. I scrunched up my nose then giggled. I pushed my damp hair from my face and moved away from him to use the bathroom.

*****

After a few minutes of talking and being absolute fools, I slid my hand under the sheets and grasped him. I smirked at his sudden intake of breath. He grasped my hand after I tortured him with slow and steady movements, the complete opposite of what he wanted. I laughed as he pinned my hand above my head and kissed all over my face.

" Your such a fucking tease." He said. His tone was joking, but the words held darkness from my past. I smiled, trying to ignore the feeling that started to bubble in my chest.

" You know what happens to girls like you?" He whispered as he bit my ear, pulling on it a little. I normally would enjoy that, but this time it made me shiver unpleasantly.

" Dallas ho-" My words were cut off by him flipping me over suddenly, pinning my face down into the bed, and lifting e so that my ass was in the air. I felt exposed and helpless; the words I wanted to say couldn't leave my mouth. I wanted to tell him to stop to hold on, to give me a minute. I felt when he entered me and couldn't help the shaking from happening. My body went into autopilot while my mind screamed for me to suck it up. To not make a scene. I felt my chest tighten and my breathing come out ragged; silent tears fell from my eyes as my body and mind battled with each other. My body didn't like how she was being handled, and I was trying to force myself not to feel how I felt. Forcing my body to know the difference between what was going on, this was Dallas, not him. Dallas loves me, but the hurt was stronger. Before I knew it, flashbacks raced through my mind, and the tears fell harder as I shook like a wet kitten.

Dallas stopped his movements and pulled me up, turning my face to see what was the issue. I guess he could see and feel that my body wasn't his right now. He slowly pulled out, trying not to cause any more mental damage. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't him, that I would be ok.

" Az," He said. I crawled away from him, still crying, still trying to get myself together.

" Z, what happened? Was it something I did?" He asked, moving away from me, knowing that I needed my space. I couldn't form words, just tears. Eventually, I forced a "no" out.

" I'm sorry," I said as I started to calm down. He sighed and got up from the bed. I watched as he grabbed some clothes from the dresser and made his way to the bedroom door.

" Dal-"

" No, don't say anything; I just need to be alone right now." He said and walked out of the room. I stayed rooted in my spot as fresh tears escaped my eyes.

I listened as he moved around in the guest bathroom, then the guest bedroom. I made my way to the shower, hoping the hot water would burn and wash everything away.

*End of Flashback*

" Z, I'm so sorry," Halle said as I explained what happened. She was the first I told about what happened to me after my aunt. I didn't even do it just because I wanted to. We were having a sleepover, and I had a full-blown panic attack after a nightmare, and it led to me telling her what happened after I calmed down.

" It was the tease thing; it was a trigger I didn't even know I had," I said as I blinked back my tears.

" One of HIS friends had cornered me in the bathroom shortly after the incident before I even told my aunt. It seems like he bragged about it to his boys, and well, he tried to have a "taste" of what his bro had, and when I tried to get away, he called me a tease, luckily someone caught us, and I got away" I said blinking away the images from my mind. I faked a smile and took another sip off my smoothie.

" I think he blames himself; I think he thinks I'm still upset at him for attacking me the other day." I rambled, not remembering that I didn't tell Halle about that incident.

" WHAT!" She yelled as her eyes bulged from her head. I groaned, knowing that I might have just caused more problems in my life than I needed.

" He was drunk; it was an accident, he just made an unwanted advance at me, but we moved from that, drop it, Halle," I said, leaving no room for further discussion. She pursed her lips and angrily put her hands up in surrender. I could see the rage and fury burning behind her eyes. I reached my hand across the table and clasped her hand in mind.

" I'm okay; it's just a battle I have to fight with daily, you know?" I said. She nodded, choosing to drop it.

"I'm okay," I said. The thing is, I don't know who I was trying to convince. I wanted to be okay. Most days, I am just that-okay, but I knew I needed help. But, I had too much to uncover, and some things are better with the lid left on.