Never Adios
Clothes in the bag. Shoes... i have it. My watch... here, my phone.. oh my God, where the fuck is my phone?! I always leave it anywhere and then i lose it. Jey you literally don't deserve technology. Ok, found! I guess i took everything. Oh! My hoodie!!
A: Are you going to bring the van on a plane?!
J: I took everything i think... are you done?
A: Yeah! Let's go or you'll lose your flight!
J: Yeah Yeah... let's go.
This holiday was crazy, for real! But I'm happy for my decision to come here. I missed my bestfriend so much, I needed this holiday. I'm going back to Spain today, and University is gonna start in two weeks. It's gonna be busy in the next days.
A: Hurry!!
J: YEAH YEAH!
Oh my.. why am I always late for planes?! My DNA must be broken somehow, I do not have the concept of time in my blood. Hurry! We're running inside the airport, arriving to the gate but.. it's closed. Fuck!!! I lost it! I knew it, soon or later this had to happen. The next one to Barcelona is in 4 hours, but it takes 18h to arrive to Europe! I'd never be there before tomorrow.
J: What.. whaaaaaaat!!
A: Wait.. let's ask there.
Info point, heroes, my idols. We walk fast to the Hostess who's about to laugh at my face. She's right, i'd do the same. I'm an idiot!
J: Good morning! Uhm.. so i lost my flight to Barcelona, How do I arrive in Spain before tomorrow??
H: Uhm, next one for Barcelona is in 4hours, but if you don't mind taking trains, there's one leaving for Madrid in 30 minutes.
J: PERFECT!!
H: Give me your passport please, i make you the ticket
J: Thanks!! Here..
GODDESS!! This girl literally saved my life today, super quick, she give me the new ticket direction Madrid. I grab my trolley bag and run to the new gate, Austin follows me screaming to hurry up. HERE I AM! Thanks God they just opened it!
J: Bro.. thank you for everything!!
A: Remind me next year i'm gonna buy you a fucking watch!!
J: I have one!!
A: MUST BE BROKEN!! Now go!! Have a nice travel bro i'll miss you so much!
J: CALL ME
A: I LOVE YOU
J: ADIOS!!!
A: MARRY MEEEEE
J: SHUT UP!!!
Why are we so stupid, the entire airport is looking at us! Haha who cares, i love this man. Fine i'm in front of the gate, i'm gonna be on the plane in few minutes. Let's see the sit i got.. B24 .. window side.. cool! I'm gonna enjoy the ocean for at least 18 hours.
I wonder how's Benji doing.. Austin wasn't really nice to him, i probably wasn't either. But.. It was for his best. I can't be part of his life, he's meant to do great things. I don't wanna be the one blocking him from his dreams. He's gonna be good. And probably.. i will always love him.. ahhh! My head. Stop thinking! I don't want to cry on this plane, i have my airpods, let's play some music.
I should make a new playlist.. this one is truly heartbreaking. However i got a really nice sit, it's gonna be good when the plane will be high in the sky, the ocean.. my eyes are stuck looking outside the window.
B: What...J-Jorge..! Hey..
Someone touch my shoulder, I thought i sitted in the wrong place, but it was right! I turn my eyes and.. What is he doing here?!? I can't believe we took the same flight.
J: Uhm... hey...! What... what are you doing here?
B: It's a long story but... you're going to Madrid?
J: Long story... oh.. what's your sit?!
B: B22.. it's.. here.. I guess
Of course. Where else? Karma's really a bitch. He has to sit next to me for 18 hours?! Oh my... this is gonna be the worst flight ever. I thought he wouldn't leave the USA.. and he decided to leave LA TODAY. On this flight. Why is he like that... i force myself to smile and I move my hoodie from the sit next to me, he sit down.
I don't wanna talk to him, i guess i'll be silent for the whole time.
B: So... why you going to Madrid?
J: Told you it's a long story..
B: It's gonna take 18 hours .. isn't enough?
- he smiles at me, i turn my eyes in a second. I don't wanna see that smile — You lost your flight?
J: .... Yes.
B: Hahah.. i guess some things never change. It wasn't such a long story..
He keeps smiling at me. Can you stop?! This is awkward. I don't wanna look at him, the plane is going up. I hate when this happens, i can feel air under my feet, my poor stomach. My head feels like exploding! And.. he's staring.. oh my.. can i get off this plane now?!?
It's up. Now i feel a bit better, even if i can say Hi to my anxiety that will be here by my side for the whole trip.
B: Are you ok?
J: Yeah.. i guess..
B: You're always stressed on planes
J: I didn't find a way to reach Europe by walk so..
B: Why you're so rude? I'm just.. never mind.
J: No! .. uhm.. sorry.. sorry I didn't mean to be rude.. just.. I'm nervous.
B: It's not the first time we talk..
J: I'm sorry for.. what happened.. at the lake.
B: Which part..?
Fine, he got me. He knows I don't regret what happened between us that day, I honestly wished it would have last forever.. i'm so selfish. I low my eyes, my hands are shaking, i'm trying to hide inside the sleeve. What should i say? I love you? No.. i would never do that, even if.. i guess i did, that day.. IT WASN'T MY FAULT.
J: I'm sorry for Austin.. and.. for what i said..
B: It's ok. He wasn't really wrong though.. I guess i deserved it. I never meant to hurt you..
I'm paralyzed, my poor stomach. Stop! I don't wanna talk anymore. This is getting bad. I'm feeling sorry for him, but i already said that! Jey! What the F- why my head stops when it's about him. My poor heart..
J: So... you're going back home?
B: Yeah.. I guess. I had no choice..
J: What you mean? I thought you wanted to be the best content creator of the world.. — i laugh a bit, i don't want this to sound awkward.
B: Tristan broke up with me and.. basically kicked me out, and I can't afford to live in LA at the moment so.. i'm going home.
J: Oh.... i'm.. I'm sorry
B: I'm not. It was the right thing to do, I was.. he was in love with me.. but I wasn't.
I low my eyes again, i can't believe it. My heart is racing, don't look Jey, don't look! I should stare outside for the rest of the trip. Why.. why am I so happy? This can't be about me. Stop being selfish Jorge, this has nothing to do with you. Clouds look so soft.. i lose my thoughts in the sky outside, i can hear my heart screaming.
I'm silent. I don't know what I'm supposed to say.
B: Your hair is so long... i never seen you with this long hair! .. it's.. nice!
J: Nice?
He blushes and touch a tuft of my hair playing with fingers, smiling at me.. why is he so beautiful.. i'm falling, what the f- i can't fall for someone I already loved... that i already.. love.
I move my head, taking my eyes away from his face.. looking down my legs. I'm trembling a bit.
B: Looks kinda hot.. to be honest
J: Benjamin!
B: It's true!!
Oh Lord please take away my ears i can't listen anything more! It's gonna take so long until Europe, i'm gonna die by heart attack before this plane arrives.
B: OH MY!! BABY! Come here!! Look!
J: I'm here! What's that?!
B: There is a beach on the riverside!!!
J: Oh no... we're not going to- BENJI!! DON'T TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES!! BABY!!
•••
B: Baby.... Baby wake up
J: Uh?! What.. oh... I.. I fell asleep?
B: Yeah but.. you're shaking.. everything is ok! It was just a dream..
J: y..yeah.. a dream.. oh sorry!! I fell asleep on you and now your shirt..
B: It's ok.. i'm used to that.
I guess he is. I couldn't sleep without him, when we were together, i always slept on his chest. My comfort zone... my safe place.. his arms, his heart.. ohhhh why did i fall asleep?!
I was dreaming about something i forgot, a memory of when we travelled to the south of Spain.. Valencia. That river.. that day was perfect. There was nobody there, just us.. a river.. and peaceful silence. I remember he wanted to swim... but we didn't really swim in that water.. it felt so good..
My breath is deep, my head against the window.. looking outside. It's the sunset already, oh my... I never thought i could ever be able to see the sunset in the middle of the sky, looks like a movie! This is so beautiful.
J: Look! It's a nice thing to film! For your TikTok
B: It's beautiful.. but.. i won't share it.
J: Ohh you should!
It's weird! He loves sunsets, I thought he was already filming to create some new video with some romantic songs. Maybe he's broken because his boyfriend just broke up with him.. but he doesn't look upset.
B: You never answered me..
J: About what?
B: Why you blocked me everywhere? You disappeared.. people are still waiting for you..
J: Nobody's waiting for me.. I blocked you because... i was mad and... i was sorry. I wanted you to recover and have a better life! I only gave you problems..
B: You know that's not true..
J: It is true.. and now you're doing great without me! And that's what matters.
B: And you? How are you doing without me?
What.. what kind of question is that?
What should I say? I'm living a nightmare?! This is not the life i wanted?! I love you?!?!? I want you back... i can't sleep at night.. i miss you..
J: I'm doing good... i'll go to University in two weeks.. so.. it's gonna be fine!
B: Uh.. so you're gonna meet someone and forget about me..
J: I could never..
What? Shut up! I shouldn't say that. He looks at me smiling, I'm paralyzed, he's so beautiful.. i can't take my eyes off him. I'm trembling a bit, i can feel him getting closer, this is wrong, i'm gonna fall again.. i don't want to love you again, please stop.. please.. I can't stop you.
He kisses me on my cheek.. so close to my lips, my heart is exploding, i can feel thrills on my back. He's looking at my lips.. he's so close, i close my eyes, I'm breathing deeply, i'm shaking. It feels so bad.. he's here but he's not mine anymore.. i want to kiss him.. he pulls back, moving his eyes on the other way, looking around. It looks like he's holding tears, why? Why he just stopped? Kiss me!! I want you to kiss me!!
"Please pay attention, we'll arrive in Madrid in less than one hour. Please, sit down and check your safety belt. We're now starting descent"
B: We're arriving..
— he smiles cleaning off his tears with his hand. I'm silent, looking at him, i'm so sad. I don't want to leave him.. not again. This time will be forever... i can't, i don't wanna lose him again.. I.. I..
J: I..
B: ... What..
J: ...
Tell him. Jorge tell him! This is the last chance you have to do that!! We're arriving... you're gonna lose him forever, stupid what are you waiting for?!
Oh no.. we're down.. we arrived, the plane is stopping. No! Please no.. my poor heart, i'm about to cry. Everyone is standing up and leaving the plane.. I don't want to..
B: Let's go.. or we'll be going back to LA haha..
Don't laugh you idiot!! This is not funny at all! I grab my things and follow him outside, there are so many people, i can't say anything here. We have to reach the other side of the airport and wait for our bags.. i guess i'll have some time to talk to him. We walk fast, i'm trying to keep his walk but he looks like running.. why is he running like that?!
There are so many people.. how is he supposed to hear me with all this noise?! I should take a train... oh God i have to hurry, i'm gonna lose the train if i don't get my bag now.
B: There! The next one is yours!
J: Y-yeah.. Listen... Benji.. I..
B: Here! — he grabs my bag and give it to me, i let it fall to the floor — Go! You're gonna lose the train for Barcelona!
There are too many people, the noise, the voices are so loud. I don't wanna leave.. I don't wanna let him go..
J: I.. I love you..
B: What?
J: I love you!
B: Baby I can't hear a thing people are so loud!!
I pull him close, hanging my arms around him and I kiss him. Deeply, holding him more. And more. I can't let go, i don't want to.
I feel his arms around me, his hand on my hips, he's kissing me back caressing my face. How much i missed his lips.. his taste.. i wanna kiss him again, and more, more!
J: I.. I said.. I love you.. Benji
He's crying, smiling at me. He holds me close, tight, i can feel his heart racing against my chest. I hold him more, my hands on his back, he's sobbing.
B: I love you too... i always did!! You know i always did!!
J: I know.. I know!! It's ok.. i'm not leaving you again.. I'm sorry Benji..
B: te amo.. Te amo..
He kisses me again, and again. Time's going, but we can't leave this place. Looks like we're glued to the floor.
I guess i've lost the train now..