Sex with a ghost

The only time I ever see her

Is when she's behind me in the mirror

Even from a distance I can hear her

Try to listen, but her whispers make my ears hurt

—————————————————————

It's been how many months? At least five. Since..since someone dear was taken from my arms,like when some asshole steals your snack at lunch,instead this actually means something to you.

I constantly feel like I'm falling into madness,an endless spiral of suicidal thoughts and regret,never ending. It's like when you feel like you're falling when you're asleep,and when you wake up it's when an angel is catching you but..

That angel is dead.

I ran away from it all,from hurricane. I couldn't stand it,my mental health took a large downturn and every single thought I had of her was making me go insane by the minute,I couldn't stand it without her by my side. Without her to cuddle herself into my neck. Without her to give me kisses on the cheek. Without her to tell me "everything is okay,darling.."

Without her.

It was like there was a red string of fate,tangled,slowly getting to each other by the minute,completely enveloped in each other,

Then cut.

I sat in bed for a solid hour that morning and was almost late for my job at the local Walmart,I decided to call a day off instead. I couldn't do it. My body was too shaken,arms too empty to do anything. Drowning in my own sorrow every single day of my life,gasping for air,nearly reaching the bottom,an inevitable death.

I pulled my blankets off of me and slipped on my black slippers Henry had given me when I was 13,they still fit. I stumbled and slowly walked to the bathroom so I could fix my hair and brush my teeth,not that anything mattered but,just in case. Just in case she came back and this was all a horrible nightmare.

I turn on the yellow-hued light and turned on my electric toothbrush,squirting toothpaste onto the colourful bristles. The tap water was harsh and cold,pressure being put onto the toothpaste as it squished into the bristles. My head was down as I pressed the button and brushed my teeth,the mint flavour circling around my tongue and nearly swallowing it.

I spit the toothpaste into the sink and rinse my mouth out with a cup beside the sink. I look at my razor on the cabinet besides me,and hesitantly pick it up.

"Michael..please..

Stay alive for me.."

I put the razor down and my eyes widened,thoughts in circles as I hyperventilated at the sound of her sweet,soft voice. "Y-y/n..?" I say,not dare looking up,but only at the ground beneath me.

"Stay alive for me.."

I hear the faint voice say one more time.

I look into the mirror.

What?

Tears form in my eyes as I look at the person standing beside me. It's y/n,it has to be her..the hair is the same,the eyes,the face shape,but..

Her eyes. Her torso and the blood on her defenceless body said otherwise.

Her hair was stringy and stuck together by dry blood,and her eyes had deep bags under them.

There was a large stab bound in her abdomen,around 4 inches long. So cruel. So,so cruel.I cry,and place my hand on the mirror in any try to touch her soft skin again,now rotting like mold after you leave it for too long in your kitchen.

"Michael.." she says once more,placing her hand on my cheek from behind,caressing it. I can't feel her touch,can she even feel me?

I cry hard,why was all of this happening? I'm hallucinating,I have to be hallucinating..

"This doesn't make any fucking sense..y/n..come back! Please,don't leave me alone anymore!" I scream,looking her in the eyes from the mirrors reflection,seeing my own tears stain my shirt. "I'll see you again...Just wait,darling.." as I turned around and faced my back to the mirror,she was gone. Disappeared.

I fall to the floor and sob,my hands covering my eyes and rubbing them vigorously. I scream. I scream so loud it hurts my throat and sends my ears ringing.

I run back to my bed and punch my pillow,eventually slowing down and hugging it as if it were a real person,as If it would help this terrible loneliness. It didnt. Only made me feel even more lovesick.I sobbed onto the pillow and pulled the blankets over myself again,going to sleep at 11:00 in the morning.

Tomorrow is another day..