Episode 63: A HEARTFELT CONFESSION

Gabby looked at him with concern. Surely something is wrong. He doesn't look happy.

GABBY: Hey, you okay?

He nodded his head slowly.

Then gulped. He felt his shoulder tensing, 'come on, you can do it', he tried convince his self.

He then explained with sorrow of what change he meant.

RED: I'm not going to be physically around for you anymore. You can see me but, it'd feel like I don't exist for them. That's the only way you'll have me by your side.

GABBY: That's messed up. It's hard to pretend you're just thin air, Red. Promise. Are you sure it's the only way?

RED: Yes.

GABBY: Why? Why so sudden?

RED: Please no more questions I...just...just think it's for the best.

GABBY: Oh come on. You're not someone that would suddenly change his mind. You're not like that. I know you're not like that unless someone talked you into this...I-

RED: Then maybe you don't know me.

Gabby felt speechless.

...

Years ago, Red had always been the type to ignore everyone's opinion unless it's Humility. He'd reply 'whatever', or simply snub them if he doesn't like it. But knowing how much this means, and how important it is for Gabby to forget the love forming in her heart, he knew it's not about whether he likes it or not.

He cried inside. How much he've changed since he met her. He looked at her again, told her the words that nearly killed him.

RED: You need to...you need to exist, without me existing, like how you've always had before you met me. I'm not leaving you. I'll be here, protecting you. But I won't exist for the eyes of those around you. You have to pretend I don't exist.

GABBY: Thats's harder than pretending you're my boyfriend! Or that I'm normal! What the hell?!

Gabby's eyes suddenly blurred. She's about to cry. She sounds like she's about to cry. Red hated his self for this. He never want to see her cry. More so be the reason for it.

He wanted to touch her. To comfort her. But every gesture might make his feelings, or her feelings stronger.

He must resist the urge to do so.

He crumpled his fists, then looked away.

RED: Well, so it's settled then. Just tell your friends I'm a scumbag, I don't care.

GABBY: But you're not.

RED: Do it for yourself. You can hate me all you want. But this is for the best.

GABBY: You can't do this.

RED: Gabby!

He looked at her, his eyes angry and serious. Gabby felt fearful. He's much scarier than ang ghosts she've seen before. He looks...genuinely mad. Like a wild beast. Maybe he's right. She still doesn't know him.

RED: You're the one who said it, right? We won't end up with each other no matter how we tried! So let's just stop with this delusion!

GABBY: Red...I...

RED: What?!

GABBY: I didn't mean it! I take it back! I want to believe that there's a possibility, no matter how small, or hard, that we'll be together!

Her cheeks are soaked with tears. Her voice was shaking, her hands were shaking.

Red fought back tears.

Then he decided to throw her feelings aside for the better sake. Although her words made him happy...happy that she truly did love him.

RED: We can't. You're near me. But you're still far. If you die, what about me? I'll forever have that wound of losing you.

GABBY: I...then wait for me to return as another! My soul can get reincarnated, right?

RED: That's not how it works!

GABBY: Red, please, I love you!

Red had it. A single tear fell from his blue eyes. Gabby saw it. And hope lit on her heart.

GABBY: You love me too, right?

RED: Two people, loving each other isn't enough to be together, Gab.

GABBY: But you love me, right?

She didn't hear a word come from his lips.

GABBY: I said...you do love me, right?!

*silence*

GABBY: Red! What am I to you?!

RED: You really want to know?! Fine!

...

The room glowed, orange cinders everywhere. Red's crows also dispersed, he felt the strong emotions escaped from his chest. He can't take it any longer.

RED: You're the only thing that made me feel alive!

Gabby felt stunned. Then she attempted to hug him, but he moved to the opposite direction, he don't want to get more attached to her than how he already is.

RED: You made me feel so alive I feel this hurt I never felt before...so YES! YES! A THOUSAND TIMES YES! I love you!

His voice echoed through the walls, and then she saw how much the tears on his eyes just fell.

RED: I love you so much, I don't want you to regret loving me. Please...let me protect you from myself as well...

Gabby realized there's no other way to talk to him, to change his mind. But she felt in every inch of her body, of just how much he loves her. He felt defeated however, when she just simply waved 'bye', then went to her room to cry, to process just what happened, left him there, without a word, a reply, a closure.

She just simply left.

Red felt a familiar memory pop up.

The same way she turned her back at him. The way her pace is as she walks away.

The shaking of her voice.

He remembered his mother, leaving him.

How much he messed up.

He cursed under his breath. Red shouldn't have fell in love with her in the first place.

He should have just...did his job.

Than let them both suffer the consequence.

What an idiot.

He'll never FORGIVE his self for hurting her, and breathing the oath of always keeping her safe.

...

Gabby laid down. Afraid. Sad. Speechless.

She thought she fell in love before. When she was high school. But nothing compared to the love she felt towards Red now. This was the real deal. She wasn't angry at him. Nor did he wanted to hurt or avenge him in any way. She loves him so much. He can't curse his name for hurting her.

This was what her mother told her about. This is the feeling of having your heart found the person you imagine yourself with.

The person you'll never get tired of talking to.

The person you'll always be proud to show to your friends.

The person you'll...never get tired of waiting for...

Red was the one.

But would the Fates let her have him?

She've watched a lot of movies about this. Most of them have a happily ever after. But now that she's experiencing such, she's afraid that happily ever afters are truly just for kids...

Why???

Why Gabby?

Why didn't you ignored him when you first saw him that fateful night?

But...maybe he's just here...to protect me, and nothing else.

She closed her eyes, and let her sorrow be lifted by her dreams.

She was hoping that when she wakes up, her chest would feel much lighter.

Much better than what she's currently feeling now.

...

Humility sensed Red's distress signal dramatically increased. He thought he's in danger that he immediately located him.

He was surprised to see his old friend moping on one corner. Looking like a mess. His face pale and lifeless.

HUMILITY: What happened?

RED: Oh you know...reality kicked in.

HUMILITY: You told her?

RED: Yeah.

HUMILITY: How is she doing?

RED: Bad. She's crying, and it's all my fault.

HUMILITY: What made you tell her?

RED: Well...you're...you're right. In the end, we'll both get hurt anyways. So I did the right thing. I'm giving her temporary sadness, so she can find her permanent happiness.

HUMILITY: You'll be fine. Time will heal you.

RED: No. I don't think it will. But I'm ready to carry this burden, this regret for all eternity. Despite this, I'm still thankful I get to experience love.

HUMILITY: *sighs* I wish I can cheer you up.

RED: Then tell me one good thing of why I didn't choose her.

HUMILITY: I can't.

RED: Why?

HUMILITY: Because honestly, if I were you, I'd choose her.

RED: And have her die before your eyes one day? Then relieve that pain over and over again? Make her choose you and give up her dreams of a family?

HUMILITY: Yes. I'm not as good as you think. That's why I'm proud of you. You did something brave. Braver than what you did years ago. You're all grown up now.

RED: I love her.

HUMILITY: I know.

RED: Do you think she hates me?

HUMILITY: Maybe. But she's still young. Maybe she can heal. However, do your best to ignore looking at her eyes.

RED: Yeah.

HUMILITY: You two...are a tragic mess. I can write something out of this.

RED: Yeah, whatever. I want to fall on a building. I feel guilty.

HUMILITY: That feeling is normal. You'll get pass it.

RED: Would I really?

HUMILITY: Hopefully.

RED: Love hurts.

HUMILITY: Then it's true love. Love isn't love without pain. It's what makes it different from all emotions. Sometimes it can make you powerful, like you own the world, then, it can make you miserable, like you just got yourself devoured by angry wolves. The pain can be unbearable.

RED: I...I hope she forgives me.

HUMILITY: She will.

RED: How are you so sure?

HUMILITY: Because she loves you too. And love forgives.

Red looks down, then grabbed the ruby necklace she gave him a long time ago. He've always worn it. Treasured it more than any other things he possessed.

RED: Gabby Nickolas... She'd forgive me, huh? When I can't even forgive myself...