Chapter Twenty

Before we knew it Monday happened and I spent the whole weekend in my room doing my schoolwork basically avoiding San. I know I cannot avoid him forever but watch me try. Every day one of the guys would take me on walks a little longer every day to start getting me back to normal. Saturday was Yunho, Sunday was Jongho. I got to learn a bit about Jongho on Sunday, and he sang for me a bit while breaking fruit on our break from the walk. He made me laugh so much and he really is sweet and caring. Anyway, so I wake up on Monday morning and I start to get ready for school brushing my teeth after a shower I braid my hair after attempting to dry it a bit. I am a bit nervous about going back to school. I know the girl that bullied me the most is not there anymore, but it is still quite terrifying after so long. I go gather at the breakfast table after helping set it and I can barely eat because of how nervous I am. I steal glances at San who looks sad for some reason and even looks like he has been crying. I look away quickly and after eating some toast, I go brush my teeth and get my stuff for school and wait for the others by the door.

I get a text message from Shinwon asking if I want to hang out after school today and I respond with a yes of course. Once we are all in the car, I am stuck sitting beside San, and it is just awkward because we have not spoken since before dinner on Friday night. I can hear him sniffling beside me and I did not know what else to do so I grabbed his hand and squeezed it to hopefully offer him some comfort. When we got to school everyone else got out of the car and San and I were the last two I just stopped, and San noticed "Sannie." I say softly which makes him turn and look at me and I can see his eyes were red and puffy from crying. I just hug him. "I'm sorry." I say and then run off after breaking the hug. I feel like such a fool, I got upset about some girl flirting with him. I need to get over myself and let him be happy even if it is not with me. I think to myself walking into school out of breath after running. So much for taking it easy like the doctor said. Hwa would scold me if he saw. I go off to my first class and see Yunho. "Why are you out of breath" he asks I tell him which makes him take his finger and flick me on my head "Pabo you shouldn't be running beside you need to talk to San so he will not be so sad." He said making me feel worse than I already do. The classes go by pretty fast and at lunch I ask Hwa if I can hang out with Shinwon after school and he said he would drop me off or if Shinwon was coming to get me and I told him Shinwon was coming to get me and he agreed and told me I needed to be back before 9pm and I needed to remember what the doctor said so not to push myself too hard.

After lunch was P.E. since I cannot participate anyway I ask the teacher if San can walk with me to which he looked really surprised but the teacher agreed since they could see us nothing could happen that would be inappropriate anyway not like we would do that stuff anyway. San comes over and we start walking around the track a bit before I finally break the silence "Sannie I am sorry for how I have been the past few days. I am really sad seeing you so sad can you tell me what's wrong please?" I ask holding his hand. He sniffles "I just didn't understand why you wouldn't talk to me and when I tried to talk to you or help you with the homework you just basically pretended I wasn't there." He says looking down at the ground kicking a rock around. I swallow the lump in my throat knowing it was my fault for sure that he was crying. I admit now that it was pretty petty of me. I just had no idea of how to deal with my feelings about being jealous over some one who I have no claims of being jealous over. "I think I just got jealous that you maybe wouldn't want to spend time with me if you got a girlfriend" I said feeling bad about how I have treated him. He stifles a laugh "Girlfriend? Me? Are you serious? What are you even talking about silly girl?" He asks me "The girl at the restaurant on Friday night." He get serious "oh that" he says and sighs "I did set up a date with her this afternoon...if you don't want me to go just tell me and I won't" He says looking at me super serious like. It feels like my heart dumped out of my chest at the mention of a date. I swallow the lump in my throat and smile my most convincing smile at him. "No Sannie, you deserve it, and any girl would be lucky to have you." He smiles instantly back "So are we good now?" he asks poking my side making me giggle "Yes we are. Oh, I get to hang out with Shinwon from Pentagon later, and its not a date just friendly gathering. He mentioned I might get to meet the rest of Pentagon and I am super exciteddd" I say bouncing a bit. He smiles at me "I am glad you are excited; Pentagon is pretty awesome; I hope to one day that our group would be successful like that." I look at him "One day you guys will achieve your dreams" We spend the rest of the class goofing off like we usually do smile and laughing. When class is over, we go change out of our P.E. clothes and then the boys are waiting for me outside the girl's locker rooms and we all walk to our next classes. My next class is with Yunho who looks at me after we enter the classroom "Looks like you and San made up, did he tell you about his plans this afternoon?" he asks. I nod "yes he did, he deserves to be happy, so I hope it goes well" I say even though for some reason I feel sad about it. "What are you guys doing after school today?" I ask him while we are waiting for the teacher "We were thinking about practicing some more, we do have a pretty big performance in a couple months. So, we want to be good" he says sounding nervous "I believe in you guys! Fighting!" I say to him throwing up a heart, he pretends to capture it and puts it in his pocket "for safe keeping" he says with a wink. I just giggle he is such a dork. But this is why we are friends. The rest of the day goes by fast and before we know it, we are going home.