Chapter 14

The faint sound of music echoes, soothing my aching ears as I stare out across the vast forest. From this height, everything seems so peaceful, so quiet out there in the trees. The gentle calling to give up control, to just be free, is tempting.

Relaxing against the stone balcony, I slowly inhale the scent of the forest. The strong earthy stench is nice, almost comforting. Being sheltered from my true nature all these years has deprived me of many privileges, and even now I can't seem to escape old habits.

"I thought I might find you up here." A vaguely familiar voice says.

Immediately stiffening, I turn and I flash the Elder a smile. "Just needed a little fresh air-"

He raises his palm, cutting me off.

"Bearing witness to the years of suffering, I understand completely why you prefer your own company." The Elder says with a small smile.

I couldn't help but scoff, irritated that he thinks he knows me, he doesn't. He invaded my mind, saw things that I have kept to myself all my life.

"You know nothing about me." I retort sharply.

The elder doesn't blink.

"You have been hurt and tormented by those who love you, even with a mate, and an entire pack at your feet...you believe you are unloveable." The Elder says calmly, twisting my thoughts into his own poisonous words.

"No-"

"Unworthy of the Alpha title." He states.

I open my mouth to defend myself, slightly hurt that he thinks that, and yet I know it's true. "That's not-"

"Unwanted by the Alpha that handpicked you from millions of suitors." He continues. Ouch.

"I-"

"And you'd be right to assume all of those things." Elder Luka stares down at me with beady evil eyes. He gazes through me, into my scorned soul.

My chest tightens, I wanted to go to a empty room and cry like a baby. But that wasn't the reaction I expected myself to have, no, instead I lashed out at the Elder wolf in a brief millisecond of rage.

The crunch of his nose is all I hear, the red rage vanishing the second my fist made contact with him. My heart drops to my stomach, so fast that I knew in that moment, I'd fucked up.

My eyes go wide, equally terrified and shocked. Soon feeling the familiar fright set in, I struggle to breath.

I punched a Elder.

"Fuck..." Is all I manage to get out, in utter disbelief.

Elder Luka wipes the blood from his nose, cracking the bone into place without flinching. Even though he heals rather quickly, all I felt was dread within my very core. Consequences.

"You are strong, Katalayha, stronger than you realise. So much potential, so much strength and courage, it will all go to waste if you do not learnt to adapt." Elder Lukas tone is sharp and yet wise.

"You may be damaged, broken even, but you are far from unworthy. The Alpha inside of you is sleeping, not dead, I suggest you get through the anger before you kill someone." He gives me a long stare, warning me of his words.

"Adapt to what, to Hardin?" I scoff, moving back to the fresh gentle breeze outside.

"He chose you not for power, Katalayha, no Alpha in the world would have chosen to marry you willingly knowing of your lineage." Elder Luka admits.

Harsh truth, but the truth no less. Alphas require submission, especially from their chosen mates. They spend years seeking out the best suitor for them, but not Hardin.

"Hardin chose you for reasons I do not know, however, I have known that man all his life and I can say that he has never shown another, a fraction of the affection he shows you."

"There are enough people to defend him, I don't wish to hear it from you." I retort, exhaling my stress lightly into the breeze.

"Is that what you truly believe, that he is admired by all?" Elder Luka quizzes.

Naturally, it is, and I nod. He's Alpha Hardin, known for being short handed, quick tempered and a mass murderer. Rules with an iron claw, whilst ensuring his pack still have honour and respect. How can someone not admire that?

"You worry for yourself, for your future and present, so much that you see and hear nothing else. Perhaps if you take a moment to simply pay attention to the people surrounding you, you will see things differently." He says.

Trying not to scoff in the elders face, I cross my arms as I face him, my posture showing my attitude.

"He worked for it, the respect, the fear, the loyalty, I get it. I simply want no part in it, it's all just..." I trail off, uncertain of how to word it.

"Just what?"

"Bullshit." I whisper. "It's all bullshi-"

The overpowering stench of Alpha male immediately has me shutting my mouth, the instant gut wrenching dread tells me that perhaps I should've kept my mouth closed. I suppose that's what I get for finally telling the truth about how I feel, it backfires.

"Luka." Hardins tone is dismissive, cold.

Luka appears awkward, glances between us before walking away, leaving me to deal with the mess. I doubt anyone enjoys being in the middle of a feud between mates, or should I say, husband and wife.

"You're angry." I conclude after moments of silence, I could feel it in my bones.

"No, merely disappointed." Hardin responds calmly, as if he didn't just hear me admitting that I don't want him.

It's not really a surprise though is it?

A tad confused as to why he's not pissed at me, I tilt my head and glance hesitantly up at him, the familiar stormy silver eyes shadowed with a frown. Part of me hated seeing him look at me this way, like he no longer sees me as something worthy of his love. Surprisingly enough, his disappointment in me didn't feel good.

"Oh." Is the only response I can manage as I shift my gaze to the balcony opening over my shoulder. Does he expect me to feel guilty?

Part of me feels the urge to apologise, a reflex response that I learnt rather early in life, to never stand your ground even if you're right. But now, I don't want to kiss someone's feet just to save myself a couple of bruises. All my years of pain have made my skin tough, like leather, it's harder to hurt me.

"I thought you to be wise enough to not confide in wolves outside our pack, especially Elders." Hardin says, exhaling quietly as if somehow I've created a problem.

I glance up at him, scowling slightly. "Who would you prefer I confide in, Beck, or Zed? Both who jump to your command eager to please, I like them but they're not my friends, and they're certainty not my family, they're yours."

For a moment Hardin gazes down at me, his silver eyes indecisive. What's he always thinking about?

"They could be, if you just let them. Everyone in the pack wants to know you, everyone except you." Hardin states in a slightly softer tone.

My heart clenches slightly, I wasn't certain if it's my brief flicker of uncertainty or his. Of all the responses he could have given, he chooses the one that stuns me. Most Alphas would get angry, or say something like 'what's mine is yours', Hardin somehow knows that's not what I need to hear.

He's right, as usual. I'm holding back on changing, clinging to who I used to be instead of embracing the person I'm becoming. Truth be told, this new version of me is frightening, I worry for my sanity. Because I know the person that I'm becoming, is the same person that lost control of herself during the battle against her father.

What if that's who I'm destined to be? A bloodthirsty monster like my parents?

"What do you want from me, Hardin? Do you want me to lie and tell you that I'm happy? I keep appearances for your sake, to keep your pack free of doubt." I exhale, turning my back to him as I walk out onto the balcony.

The fresh air in my lungs only makes the weight on my shoulders feel heavier. The confusion, the war brewing within me as I silently find myself torn between multiple decisions. I've never had to feel like this, every opportunity was always taken from me, every choice and option.

"Right now all I want from you, is a dance." Hardins rough voice has me shuddering slightly. He wants to dance with me?

Why?

His surprising response somehow makes me smile a little, a small gentle laugh leaving me as I turn to face him. Of course, Hardins grey stormy eyes lighten as they flicker over my face, as if soaking up the view. I'd be lying if I said part of me didn't want to just stay here and enjoy being with him, just us.

"I don't know how to dance." I admit unbashfully.

"I'll lead." Hardin promises, offering me his tan, calloused hand.

Without much hesitance, I cave and place my hand in his, the instant brightening of my soul doesn't go unnoticed. Hardin leads me back to the ground floor, walking at my side as we head into the huge ball room. People stare, some smile, others don't, usually I'd feel uncomfortable but right now, being close to Hardin and knowing he's gazing down at me, I wasn't worried about anything else except standing on his shoes.

"Um..." My eyes flash over the wolves watching us, my heart racing with dread, panic as I await the moment I fall straight on my face.

"Relax." Hardin tells me softly, drawing me in closer to his chest.

"Everyone's staring." I whisper, as Hardin guides my hands to the soft, crisp white shirt that hugs his broad shoulders just right.

"They're admiring." Hardin responds in that same low voice.

My flesh warms beneath the fabric of my dress, Hardins palm gently falling to my waist, while his left takes mine. Entwining our hands over his chest, Hardin tugs me flush against him, immediately making my cheeks flush.

While I didn't want to enjoy his company, I've found myself indulging in his scent multiple times, staring at him even when I don't realise I'm doing it. Ever since he bit me and branded me his, I've become subconsciously aware of his presence, even before he's entered the same room or building. Even now, as we slowly sway to the music with other couples surrounding us, I find myself relaxing in his strong arms. Knowing no one here, not even my parents, will manage to get close enough to hurt me.

Pressing my cheek against his chest, I gently move back and forth to the slow song as I close my eyes, listening to the steady rhythm of Hardins heart. In that moment I hear my own, as if two beats play in sync with each other, never out of tune.

Is that what mates are supposed to be? Perfectly in tune with each other? Doesn't that mean the two have to be compatible in some way, to have something in common? I couldn't help but wonder, doubting the bond once again that Hardin forced upon me.

The rest of the night went smoothly, we danced to the slow songs and made conversation with one another. Deep down I know Hardin is trying, and half of me is grateful that he's being patient and understanding. I simply find it hard to show any true happiness, when I still feel like I'm trapped.

It was after midnight when we finally went to bed, I barely got out of my dress before falling straight to sleep.