New Year, New Me (2)
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐: 𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝
The Duchess was shocked, to say the least. She had originally expected a bit of resistance. Perhaps even a little crying. But to think... amnesia? She was truly, sincerely shocked.
Perhaps she even felt disbelief. She was a bit inclined to think that her daughter was lying about not remembering. Ariadne was certainly capable of pulling such a stunt.
"What... you don't remember?"
The words left her mouth. She had never allowed herself to be prone to petty emotions, but right now, her entire being was itching to scream in frustration. She did not understand. Did the little girl in front of her really hate her so much, that she would forget her own mother — or pretend so?
"I... don't know you. It's not a matter of remembering if I don't even know you."
The little girl replied. She had sweat dripping by the side of her hair, and her breathing was ragged, her lips a ghastly blue. But right now, all the woman could muster to think about, was the absurdity about the situation rather than the wellbeing of her own child.
"So I had been right. That Doctor is completely useless. How dare he diagnose you of a cold? A cold does not result in a loss of memory! How dare he!... Or-Or are you lying? If this is a prank, Ariadne, I want you to stop."
After the initial confusion came raging anger. The woman could not stand this feeling; she felt like she had been wronged in some way. An unexpected situation — for which she had not been ready at all — left her feeling inadequate and chaotic. She did not like feeling this way at all.
The little girl just frowned in response.
"Why would I lie?" The little girl replied in a calm manner. "I don't know you. Who are you? And where am I?"
At her brief response, which sounded both distant and cold, the Duchess felt a piece of her soul die at that moment. It was as if a chunk of her heart had been forcefully ripped from her body. A feeling of despair settled inside her.
"You... don't seem to be lying..." The Duchess stumbled back, with an expression of utter shock, "T-Then! That Doctor...!"
The Duchess could not believe it. A violent muttering erupted from between her lips, as she began to calculate 45 different ways on how she was going to fire and humiliate that deceiving son of a—!
A brief moment passed. Peaceful silence enveloped the room, where the little girl confusedly stared at the woman.
Suddenly, the woman straightened her back and looked at the little girl with a new set of determined eyes. It seemed that the clouds in her mind had finally cleared.
"Since you claim to have forgotten me, let me introduce myself. I am called Viviane, and I am..."
The woman paused for a moment, contemplating her next words.
"... putting in the simplest of terms, your mother."
━♛━
"... your mother"
Viviane said to her.
The girl blinked, unable to stutter a sound.
A mother? Whose? Mine?
Her thoughts were a bit jumbled, and she could not believe her ears. Her actual mother — at least, before she had opened her eyes to this place — was an old woman, who seldom spoke, until the day she could speak no more. Crouched in one corner of the single-bedroom apartment, her mother had always been faceless and bruised in her childhood memories.
"I... see..."
The words left her mouth before she could help it.
Her throat felt dry, but after drinking from the glass that was still perched in her hand, she felt better — albeit still as confused as before. The girl sighed to herself.
Had she really woken up in another world? Or was this a dream? Perhaps she had drunk too much after the Shrine visit and this was all just a hallucination...
Trying to remember what had happened, the girl found herself at a blank. It was like her memory had been wiped clean. She could not think of anything happening after a certain point in time, and even if she dwelled on it with all her concentration, she was still unable to remember.
She only remembered the feeling of fear and the pitch-black darkness.
"Do you remember yourself?"
The woman Viviane's voice suddenly echoed in the room. At her question, the girl realized for the first time that she did not remember her own name.
Strangely, she remembered her memories in the "previous" world, but as for her name — both from the "previous" or the "current" world — was nowhere in her memory. She did not have a name.
But that was illogical! She must have a name!
She tried searching inside her mind. Any instance of who she was... even a brief passing... an introduction... But nothing appeared. She did not know who she was.
She could not remember.
"N-No..."
The girl replied.
Suddenly, a dreadful feeling settled inside her. She did not want to overcomplicate things, but she wondered why she could not remember her original name. She had memories of her circumstances, of her family, of everything — but why could she not remember the most basic of details?!
Why could she not remember her name?!
Knowing her own name was essential. It would have been the answer to all her questions and doubts. Without it, she was lost.
Who was she, what was her identity... Had her life in that world, with that abusive and poor family, or that fear she felt in that Shrine — Had all of that been a dream?
Was this world, the one with Viviane, inside this fancy bed in this fancy room, her reality? Did she actually just lose her memories?
The girl had a million questions, but there was no one to answer them. And although she was confused, there was another emotion that haunted her mind.
It was the same yearning in her heart that she felt when she first saw Viviane. That yearning which told her that she was forgetting an important detail. That annoying vague itch, that pestered her and left her feeling frazzled and lost.
What was it? What had she missed?
"What... is my name?" The girl slowly asked.
'One thing at a time,' she told herself. 'First, I'll ask about my name. And then, I'll try to remember the other stuff. It's okay. I'll figure it out. Like I always have...'
At her terse question, Viviane turned silent. From her expressionless face, the girl could guess that the woman was as flustered as her own self.
"... You are the first daughter of Duke Reichman of Waekefield. Your name is Ariadne Reichman. Have you remembered something yet?"
Viviane seemed anxious. She was no longer hovering beside the bed where the girl — "Ariadne" — was lying, but instead, hastily seated herself at the post. She seemed to have given up fluttering here and there, and thought that it would be more fruitful to stay still and conserve energy. This conversation needed all the energy she had.
'Duke...? As in, nobility? I am the daughter of nobility? Am I in the United Kingdom?'
The girl thought.
"No, I... don't remember anything. Don't... expect anything. It's likely I will never remember 'Ariadne's' memories."
The girl spoke.
She knew she was right. It was as if she knew it to be true. She knew she would never remember this "Ariadne's" memories because simply put, she was not "Ariadne." She did not view herself as this girl.
The thought of being someone else was too unreal, but she knew it was true. She took a deep breath, as an idea formed in her mind.
"May I... take a look in the mirror?"
She slowly said. Her words were careful and hesitant, as if she was rethinking her decision. She wasn't sure she wanted to look at herself.
The girl was not scared because she feared being ugly or undesirable in any way. She was simply scared to look inside the mirror, and find a stranger staring back. She thought she would lose herself if that happened.
〚 To not know even yourself. To be blind to the truth.
That — more than anything — was perhaps my greatest fear. 〛
The girl bit her trembling lips.
"Of course, wait one moment."
Viviane said. She gently got up and walked to a cabinet at the side of the room. She opened a drawer and held an oval hand mirror in her hands. She walked back to the bed and handed it to the girl.
The first thought she had was that the mirror was heavier than she was expecting. It was a brass mirror, with a shining top and an ornate design. It was too different from the type of mirror that the girl was expecting to see, but it served its purpose.
She silently peered inside.
In her hands, the image of a beautiful girl shimmered on the surface of the mirror — no more than 14 or 15. She had long, dark blue hair and a set of vivid blue eyes — they were unusual features but looked almost ethereal in the reflection.
She wasn't expecting her previous appearance, but she certainly did not expect to see what she saw right now. This... outlandish... beauty, with such... bizarre... hair and eyes.
She blinked her eyes, and the stranger blinked back.
Her hands shook, but she remained impassive.
"Thank you."
She gave out a short reply, as she handed the mirror back.
As Viviane turned around to return the mirror to its original position, the girl took advantage of the fact that no eyes were on her and allowed herself a minute of vulnerability. She bent down, clutching her chest with a pale expression and shaking eyes.
What she had feared the most had indeed occurred.
She did not recognize herself.
She was a stranger, living in another world, in another time, in another body.
This was her reality.
She was blind to her own truth.