The studio

The second I opened my eyes, all the memories from today rushed to my head. It hurts how shaky and powerless I was. My mother was there, and we didn't say a word to each other more than her wishes for me to travel with her family tomorrow to Bora Bora for the spring vacation. With or without an injury, I wouldn't go, anyway.

I am staying only two days here and Noah too. I asked the doctor. I was more than thankful for him to be alright. I wouldn't mind if I got more injuries. But I can't bear seeing someone get hurt because of me and my absent mind. This life went too far out of control. I had to do something about it before. But I knew if I ask about it, I won't get answers. I'll get a paper full of medicine to swallow. It got to be something that links that girl to me. Either it's someone I know, or it's me. I never saw either her face or the monster’s.

I started seeing these nightmares at 12 years old. When I asked about a pale little girl with black jet hair, everyone in my family said that the only person with black hair related to us and living in America is my mom. And when I asked about my pictures, they said they lost everything at a fire incident. All I have are pictures of me after the age of 5 years. I remember nothing before it.

I went to the room next to me to thank the guy that saved me. I didn't want to, but I had to. It's my life he just rescued. I did it, and I wish I got out of the room just a minute before his visitor came.

In Ethan’s hug, I felt the warmth. I missed it a lot but couldn't get it or get used to it. I tried the impossible to maintain the poker face in front of him and stay the tough me until I go out. It was hard seeing his hands dropping from my body but; I had to. If I didn't let go for a second, I would hug him back and forget all the pain he caused me.

I run to my room; then, I let myself be me. I put my face on a pillow and cry myself out until my eyes dried from tears.

I slept a bit. Not deep sleep because I'll get dreams. I just rested my eyes and body for a little while. I spent the next day on my book and texting Aiden and Nadia before they took the plane to their vacation. They were sad that I couldn't travel with them. It's good that I have an excuse to say no this time, or I'll upset them like last year. The nurse refuses to leave my room before I eat from the tray she brought. She said I am malnourished, and I must eat. I obeyed because I didn't remember when the last time I had a proper meal. I usually eat some snacks and chocolate when I get hungry. I loved food before, but it somehow means socialize with whom you eat, and I don't do that. It's been so long that I ate at the dining table at the house or the cafeteria. And I don't like food's smell at my room so; I rarely do that too.

I couldn't concentrate much on my book because the patient next to me has loud guests. It's a hospital, and these guys next to me can't get less noisy. I could hear everyone laughing and yelling, even Noah. They seem to enjoy themselves, so somehow, I wasn't angry at the noise; I envy them.

I got discharged from the hospital in the evening but; I was not ready to go to that house. See, when the family isn't there, the maids get obsessed with my mother's orders to take care of me. They'll bother me every second because they have nothing to do. There are no kids they must walk after, so they touch nothing, and they don't have meals to make.

I have a place that I miss visiting, but it just hard for me to go there. It will be mine, and I'll be working there after a few months. It's always hard to pass through the hallway and go to my studio. I still want to go, so I took the bus that can get me there.

**

I stood at the entry, and I couldn't move. The vast hallway barely has oxygen in it anymore. My breath hitched in my throat at the look of it. It still beautiful as it was before but not glowing anymore. It looked lonely in the middle of the hallway, now that it is just an accessory, no one mind it. Even people took good care of it, but the white color looks gloomy rather than shiny and happy. The employees come and go next to it, but they didn't even give it a single glance. They used to stop and listen to the melodic sound it gave before they go back to their business.

I used to sit in its chair with my dad and mom. It fitted the three of us because of my tiny body. We'll play whatever it came on our minds, enjoying it and entertaining every single employee working there. I kind of miss those days. I was so happy back then. I wouldn't believe you if you told me I'd stop touching the piano keyboard for four years. I tried several times to play, but every time I put my fingers on the keyboard, I get memories rushing to my mind. And the bad of them were way more than the good ones.

I averted my eyes from the piano and took my way to the elevator. No one bothered to stop me, and the security didn't need to check my identity. I am well known here. Everyone knows me by the face.

My studio was way away from the others. I had it at the same level where the CEO's office and the conference room. I ask my dad before why he wanted me to have a studio next to his office, he said, and I quote, "The office won't be mine forever, soon it'll be yours. I want your studio next to it, so you won't forget about music when you got all busy with business. Always give time to your music".

My dad never wanted to be a businessperson. He became the leader suddenly when his dad died, since he's the first heir of the empire of importing and exporting. After sorting all the work with his brother, who is Ethan's dad, he thought about an entertainment company as a business so he won't stay away from music. He always said that there are two things that you should not stop enjoying in life: food and music. So, he did his best to make me learn both.

I stopped coming here since Uncle Oliver is always in the company; therefore, I stopped composing too. I am not that good at it, but I enjoyed playing with beats even at fourteen.

I enter the studio, and it was the Ie same as I left it. My instruments are still at their place: computer, audio interface, microphone, and everything you'll need in a studio.

I didn't use them much when I was little, but my dad kept update the studio with materials whenever he feels that it needs something. I imagine that the employees keep what he was doing because everything is brand new and neat, with not a bit of dust on it. I felt overwhelmed, looking at it.

I sat on my chair and started by listening to music. I spaced out for hours, then I started mixing the old tracks that I have on my computer. Nothing much, just mixing.

I spend my day like that. I didn't even feel it passing. I started feeling hungry but didn't have the appetites to eat, so. I just took a can of soda from the little fridge at the end of the room. It feels like they knew I'd come here; I do when Uncle Oliver is not at the building.

I heard the doorbell, so I stopped the music. I don't get visitors here. I opened the door, and it was a guy from the badge on his neck he's a staff member.

"Can I help you?"

"Mmm, I am here to give you this," He handed me a big plastic bag. "It's from Hana, the producer. She said that she’ll visit after tomorrow so better you finish this before she came," He said before he runs to whatever he had to do next.

I looked at the bag, and she filled it with salad's take out, sandwiches, and a bunch of juice bottles. The girl wants me to finish all this in two days. I can't complete all these in a week.

Hana Wang is a Chinese girl who spent all her life making music in LA. She's one of the most talented people I ever knew. My dad discovers her talents in one of LA festivals, trained her, and now she's the youngest music producer in the company with many and many awards in her bag.

She was like an older sister to me. But I cut our friendship after the accident. I saw on her eye's sympathy, so I never came to her again. Weirdly, she knows about me being here when she's in LA working with some artists.

I spent the day and the day after eating, listening to music, and sleeping. I sure was cut by nightmares, and I am talking about the one I had at the school too, but I got used to waking up sweating and scared. I feel lucky since it didn't rain. I am so exhausted to endure all the ache.

No one bothers me the past two days, at least, that what I was thinking a minute ago. I heard a banging on the door that took my beauty sleep away from me. I lazily went to open the door. "You brat!" I was shocked at the sudden outburst. "Why you didn't tell you you'll come here?"

"You knew the second I got here, so why yelling?"

"Oh, my God! You just answered!" She excitedly yelled. Bipolar mush. From fuming with anger to cute in an instant.

"I miss you; I miss talking to you." She squeezed me in a tight hug. "Okay, okay. I am dying!" I said, out of breath.

"OH, sorry! Did you eat? I sent you the things you love. You should eat! You look so thin!" She went from asking to the scolding. So, Hana!

"Hey, stop, you're not my mother. Anyway, congratulations on the Grammy's award,” I said to the stunned woman in front of me.

"You know? I thought you don't care!" She said, grinning like a baby. Her face brings a smile upon mine. She's five years older than me and still gets excited like a kid who saw a lollipop.

I care; she was my role model. I wanted to make music and to enjoy the process like she's doing. The smile is always plastered on her face while producing. Sadly, I can't do that anymore.

"Did you like the changes in your studio?" I nodded, puzzled. "Well, I demanded that when they give an update on my programs and clean mine, they'll do the same for you. They even put beverage on there," She pointed on the refrigerator. I figured that when I came here. Only, I didn't know that she's the one who took care of it, even if she wasn't sure I am coming anytime soon.

She started laughing at my confused face. "Don't mind me. I am just taking care of my new boss," she said between laughter. "You'll be able to take over soon, so I have to make myself look good for you." I rolled my eyes playfully at that.

We spent the day listening to her new music, eating from the food she brought, and playing with beats and cords. I feel my old self around her, and somehow, I don't feel alerted because of it.

We were immersed in music when suddenly the door banged open. Before I could process what was happening, a hand-stretched and grab me harshly taking out of the room. The guy was so fast that I couldn't defend myself. I looked at the hand that grabbing mine, and I saw a Gucci bracelet. At the second, I figured who's the hat guy.

"Liam, stop right now and tell me what's going on?" I yelled, and he stopped leaving my hand. He looked at me from under his hat. He was angry, but he had tearful eyes.

"You're the reason for this mess. You must fix it".