Chapter IX

Ever wondered what it feels like to have all your senses go into hyperactivity because of panic? Well, imagine what it feels when every second in the clock feels like a minute. Minutes seems like hours and hours feel like. . .well you get the gist of it. That’s how it felt to sit there and eat burgers with Jonah.

Say something! I thought to myself. But what can I say that wont sound stupid? I trust myself enough to know that I definitely will say something stupid or embarrassing if I open my mouth.

Surprisingly enough, it was Jonah to speak first. “What have you been up to these past few days?”

I cleared my throat and tried to collect my calm. “Nothing much, just school stuff and work.” I said.

“I heard you actually quit your job at the fast-food.” She rested her head at the armrest of the couch. “Barry and I talk, sometimes. He tells me things about you…even though I don’t ask.”

“First off, how did he know about that? And second, you talk to Barry?” I was so surprised that my voice cracked a bit.

“My my, Mr, Rivera. Was that jealousy in your voice?” she teased.

I stared at her for a few seconds, with eyes wide open. How can she just ask something like that so nonchalantly? Does her clueless façade ever fade? “I am amazed you can say that with such a straight face, Ms. Makoto.” I managed to say.

I lifted her feet and placed them on my lap so she could lay down straight across the couch. Even her ankles were pretty! “Aren’t you acting a bit too defenseless in somebody else’s household?” I teased.

She turned to her side and nestled her tummy. “It’s you. I don’t have anything to worry about.”

I don’t know what came over me. But by the next moment, I had her pinned below me, my hands on her wrists. I was breathing really hard, even I could tell. But I couldn’t think straight as my ears were clogged by the sounds of my own heartbeat. I saw Jonah’s eyes widen; her façade finally broken.

She tried wriggling her arms, testing the difference in our strength. But I held her down. Her face grew pale and she her lips were shaking, trying hard to not start crying.

“Firstly, I want to apologize.” I spoke as soft and calm as I could. “But please, don’t make this any harder for me than it already is. Please don’t let your guard down around any man, even if it is me.”

She was sobbing slowly now, but I just went on. “I am a man, and I have urges. I am at my wit’s end trying to stop myself. And I know it’s not your duty to suppress those urges for me, but I just want you to know that it is super hard. I am asking for help because I was born broken; I was born a man.”

I let her go and settled myself on the far end of the couch. She sat up and crawled to a ball, softly sobbing and shivering. I reached out a hand to pat her head, but she flinched, so I had to withdraw. “I know it doesn’t make it okay, but for what it’s worth I am sorry.”

She looked at me, eyes red and body shivering. She took a deep breath and spoke, “You are despicable. I can barely look at you right now.” She stood up and walked towards the door, but her eyes never left mine. “You have hurt me, far more than you can imagine. And, no, sorry doesn’t mean anything right now. I trusted you. I let myself be vulnerable around you, and you start showing your true colors. I hate you.”

She’s right. I knew that. I know what I did was shitty. But being aware of that action’s value doesn’t make it any better. It just means that I knew it was bad, but I did it anyway. And for that, I am a shitty person. She has every right to be mad at me. Hell, if she wanted to, she could press legal charges against me, and I wouldn’t deny a single thing.

A part of me wants her to do it. I want her to drag me to the police station and hold me accountable. I want her to take the responsibility for my own actions, coz I know I can’t. And that makes it worse.

She walked out the door, I didn’t follow her. What good would that do? I looked at my watch, it read half-past four in the afternoon. The afternoon sun was still bright and hot. My phone rang, it read Barry. I answered the call and was welcomed by Barry’s usual enthusiasm. I hate it.

I was on the first bus ride to school and I met with Barry by the old moss-laden corridor to our classroom. But I wasn’t greeted with his usual ear to ear smile. This Barry had a face painted with worry. He casually approached me and said, “Dude, I just so Joe walking thru the hallway pale as a ghost. You have any idea what happened?”

And I told him everything. Everything just came swirling back to me in a very unstable mix, hitting me with a wave of nausea. I started sweating, and I wanted to throw up. Barry was quiet for a few seconds, his expression unreadable. He then took a deep breath and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“I appreciate the honesty, mate. It’s alright.” His nonchalant demeanor disappeared, and he gripped my shoulder with force I fear it would break. “That’s what I wanna say. But I can’t let this one slide.” I saw him swing his hand too late, I was curled up on the ground the next moment. Everything was spinning and I couldn’t seem to find my balance.

“Mr. Osborn, what the HELL do you think you’re doing?” I heard someone scream. I was helped back to my feet. As I turn to see who it was, everything just got astronomically worse. It was Minerva. She stared daggers at Barry, ready to strike at any sign of threat.

But Barry took a step back and raised both hands. “I don’t know what got into me.” he said.

Minerva turned to me with her eyes filled with an emotion I didn’t know she was capable of, concern. “Ted, are you okay?” She checked the side of my face, a sudden sting hit me making me flinch. “We need to get this iced. Come with me.” And she started dragging me along. But not before she managed to give Barry another death glare.

“This isn’t over…” she threatened.

Once we were in the school infirmary, the interrogation began. “What the hell was that Ted?” she asked as quietly as she could. The nurses were out so we had the room to ourselves. I took a deep breath and told her everything. About what happened after she left. About Joe.

She was lost in thought for a few short moments; quiet enveloped us. Finally, she let out a resigned sigh and said, “I doubt that girl will go thru severe legal means that will put you in jail. But for now, don’t do anything stupid. I suggest you stop talking to her in the meantime, too. But I will help you with all the resources and connections I have, if push comes to shove.”

I never thought I’d say it but… “Thanks Minerva, that is extremely calming.” I looked at her in the eyes with newfound respect. “You make a terrifying enemy, but quiet the formidable ally.”

Minerva smiled smugly and said, “Of course. I enjoy taking down my enemies. And I have the drive and hunger to do so.” But she looked at the bruise of the side of my face and softly spoke. “But, a surprise as it is, I also find joy in keeping my brother safe.”

She held my hand and looked at me, a calm storm brewing in her ash-colored eyes. “That is why I need you to come to Japan with me. It may sound like I am keeping you caged, but that also means I am keeping you safe.”

“It was just a punch; friends do that to each other sometimes.” I argued.

“Barry is not your friend, you said it yourself. A friend is the last person you expect to hurt you.”

“I deserved it.”

“Yes, you did. But punching doesn’t make it right. Neither does any form of violence. Why’d he hit you in the first place?”

“Coz I was an ass, and I hurt someone.”

“Why is Barry concerned with this someone?”

“How should I know?”

“Aren’t you friends?”

We were starting to yell at each other we didn’t realize one of the nurses went back in. We were told to keep things a little quieter and we just bowed in apology.

“We are going back to Japan after this semester, and that is final.” said Minerva with firm authority.

And right then, something clicked inside me. Struggle was futile. There is no way I can win against Minerva. Despite all that thought, my resolve didn’t waver. Instead, it made things a bit clearer. I was close, I could feel it. I could tell I was close to finding something mine, something that was real and genuine.

A few hours pass and I find myself lying on my sofa, watching the fan blades spin. My mind was calm, my surroundings were calmer. I knew my fate, and I had to make the most of the time I had.