Chapter 9

Don't Say Goodbye

I'm down in the dumps.

Cades is leaving today, and my heart doesn't feel well about it. I have spent a few days with him, but I feel like I have spent my entire life hanging out with him. This is unusual for myself, I have never felt this for the past years of my life. My heart is aching, thinking of how he will totally leave this country.

Why?

Why does it hurt me? Time went so fast that I didn't even think of Cades, coming back to the life where he belongs. He's not from here, he's life isn't here, and his life doesn't belong here. Who am I to be down and feel hurt because he's leaving? We're friends, but why does it feel unusual?

“Margel, why are you not leaving your chamber? Your cousins are downstairs with Cades.” My Mom said, wearing her office suit. She may be going to work now, but I don't feel fine to come out of my chamber.

“Please tell them to leave.” I said, with my voice under the clouds.

“What's the matter?” She walks towards me with worry in her face. I shrugged and covered myself with a comforter. My eyes are outside, looking in the clouds. It seems like the weather is with me today. “Margel, are you fine or what?” She asked softly.

“Yes, Mom.” I'm not really in a mood. Why is it so fast? Why is he leaving so fast? I feel like I am not yet ready for his leaving. Who is he to make me feel blue? Why does his eyes and smile keep appearing on my mind though? Why do I keep thinking of him with my heart feel blue? When he leaves and comes back there, will he be okay? Or will he hide and endure everything again? I can't bear it, thinking that he will be extremely down again.

I'm concerned, that's it.

“Come on, what's bothering you? You can tell it to Mom, you know that.” I sighed while looking in the clouds outside.

Cades is bothering me.

“I'm okay, Mom. You must go to work, you will be late if you stay here for so long.” I tried laughing as I normally do. When I look into her eyes, I'm hoping that she will get convinced.

Please.

“If you say so. Alright, we have to go. I'll tell them to let you be alone for now, huh?” She smiled widely at me. I just nodded and waited until she left and closed the door of my room. As she left me alone in my room, what I really feel comes up again.

It got me thinking of him again. If I cannot bear to stay hiding the real reason why I am not coming out of my room, what about Cades right? I remember how he told me about his life there. He has been living and keeping everything in secret for so many years, or maybe for his entire life… It's hard to act like everything's fine, even though it is not. It's hard to hide what you really feel.

How did Cades bear doing it? Enduring all the pain all by himself.

“Cades, let's go! We can't stay here for too long, you'll leave soon.” Elizea's voice entered my room from outside. I smiled a bit while eavesdropping at them. They must be leaving our house now. The thing is, Cades will totally leave. Unlike Elizea and Elizabeth who I will be still spending much time with.

“Maybe she's sick,” Elizabeth's small voice said outside our house. Right, Elizabeth. Just think that I am sick. In that way, what's bothering me can be hidden. “Sick with fear because someone is leaving.” I suddenly stopped. My heart started pounding in nervousness, and surprised by what Elizabeth just said.

Gosh, did she know that I can hear there from here? She's meant it! She really said that so I can hear it! My lips move involuntarily. Elizabeth has been quite a genius ever since. How can I forget that fact about her? She's different from Elizea.

“Pardon?” Elizea asked in confusion. She didn't get it.

“Nothing, let's head back home.” Elizabeth said before I heard her footsteps give depth away from our home.

“Why are you talking like our house is so far?” Elizea said unbelievably. When I heard no voice outside, I sighed in relief.

Am I in fear? Am I scared because Cades is leaving, and I will be here? Well, it got me thinking of how I am going to do when he's away. Probably, I will live normally. I'll live my life like there was no Cades I met. Where I didn't see anyone with exquisite hazelnut eyes and with a heart falling smile on his lips.

“That's right, Margel. You may be in fear, but who is he? We're just friends, nothing more.” I rolled my eyes before I decided to come out of my bed, finally.

Gosh, I'm still young to think of these things.

When I came out of my room, I didn't hear any noise. My parents must be in their offices now, working so hard again. I stepped on the stairs so lazy and still feeling blue. My mind has to rest, but I can't stop thinking of him. Especially the fact that I will not see him tomorrow again.

Cades' arrival here is like a beautiful but short dream. It happened too fast, and it ended up too fast.

“I feel blue.” I said out of nowhere.

“I also feel blue.” My eyes widened when Cades just appeared beside me. My mouth opened when my eyes met him. W-what…is he doing here? I just heard them left!

“Cades!” My eyes are still widened while looking at him. I suddenly feel nervous now. My heart is racing again.

He smiled. I gulped.

Don't smile, my heart is racing even more.

“Why are you looking at me like you have seen a ghost?” He laughed, and he's still handsome. Where can I find imperfections at him? Tell me.

“W-why are y-you still h-here?” It's awkward. I don't know how to act when he just caught me in the act.

“I'm here to play with you but you don't want to face me.” Disappointment goes into his eyes. Does he know? Did my Mom tell him that?! Oh, definitely no! I know her, she will not say that, especially to Cades!

Gosh, am I being paranoid now?

“I'm just not in the mood, haha.” My lips secretly move involuntarily. My laugh is awkward.

“Why now? I'm leaving later, coming back to my life.” He smiled with pain. Even if he hides it, his eyes won't lie.

Because eyes can't lie. Eyes speak the truth, so lies can be exposed.

It made me stop and just give him a straight glance. I pity him. My heart is aching while thinking of what he will have to endure again when he comes back in his life.

He drew a wall, and I can't still break it.

“I don't have a lot of time. I have to leave now, I just want to see y--”

“Will you be okay?” I asked out of nowhere while my eyes are still looking at him.

He stopped and stared back at me. Again, I don't know what's with his eyes. I don't know what's running on his mind, I just don't have any idea.

Eyes can't lie, but the truth is still hiding because of the wall that he built from everyone.

“Of course, I'm used to it.” He laughed again.

“Cades? Are you there? Come out now, the car is waiting!” Aunt Lizea interrupted everything. Is he leaving so soon? I thought he's leaving later, why are they leaving now?

“I have to leave now.” My heart beats with fear and pain. Can I bear this?

“Y-yeah, uhm… Goodby-”

I stopped when he reached the distance between us and hugged me so tight. My eyes want to water while I am in his arms. I just found myself hugging him back.

Why am I even feeling this? Everything I feel is mix and I don't know how to react in front of him anymore. How am I going to pull myself?

“Don't say goodbye, this is not a goodbye.” He pinched my cheeks. I want to burst in tears, but I hold it back.

“Why?” I don't know why I even asked him why. It just dashed out of my mouth.

“I will come back, no matter what. So do not say goodbye when I will come back.” For the last time, he smiled at me. Now, I feel like I'm on the top of the world as I feel relieved.

“Bible?” I asked.

“Pardon?”

“Bible, it means you're swearing to God.” He laughed and nodded.

“Bible.”

But still…

I'm scared, and I'm sure that I will yearn for him.

A friend like him.

“Come back then, I will be waiting.” I smiled with pain.

“Cades!” Aunt Lizea yelled again. When he walked away, I went out and watched them leave.

“I'll miss you!” Aunt Lizea said to them. His parents entered the car, but Cades stopped for a while.

My heart raced when he glanced at me with a smile. Then again, I remember his promise. I remember what he swore.

Bible, he will come back.

As the car drove away, I burst into tears.

I will wait for you, no matter how long it is.

clarixass