9: The Gladiolus Flower

“How come you are familiar with that servant?” I asked Tanaka.

After what happened to the garden, Hisako seems to be in a good mood. Like she’s a different person than before. As for Tanaka, he seems out of it. Like he’s been thinking of something deep.

“I just happen to know the man,” he answered.

I know he’s lying and I can’t seem to accept the fact that Tanaka would lie to me. I always thought that he’s the only real person here. Even my parents were full of mystery, I know they are hiding something from me. I just don’t want any secrets, I want everyone to be true to themselves and to others. How can they lie like it wasn’t a big deal? “I always thought you were different,” I said as I turned my back to him.

“Yamabe-sama,” he called.

“I hate liars,” I said as I walked away leaving the two of them behind.

Everytime they lie in front of me I always feel like I’m an idiot who doesn’t know a thing. Why do people have to lie? Why can’t we just be true and let ourselves free from the burden of hiding something. I always wanted the truth, the freedom and the happiness of being surrounded by real people. Is that too much to ask?

~

I cannot focus on my work. I can’t focus on everything I do, I just keep on thinking about my parents. I wanted to visit their graves to give thanks for everything they have done for me,even if I didn’t get the chance to repay them. I wanted to see them for the last time, but where am I going to start looking? The Akishimato Family is the one who knows where my parents are but I have no clue where they are.

“Fabio,” Ervin called.

I looked at him blankly and he pointed at me. I looked at my hand and saw the flowers drowning from the water. I forgot I was watering them and got lost for a moment.

“That flower will die if you let it drink that much,” he said again.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I put down the sprinkler.

“It’s alright. I understand how you feel. If only I can do something to help you overcome the pain,” he said as he touched the oriental lily.

“I don’t think I can go on with my life anymore, Ervin,” I said as I sat down.

My legs can’t seem to stand up anymore. I’m getting weak in the thought that I was no longer working here for my parents but only for myself. I’m all alone now, I don’t have anyone I can get my strength. I no longer have any reason to go on and work hard.

“Don’t say that! There’s still something more beautiful than that. You just need to open your eyes and stop dwelling to the past. I’m sure your parents were happy before they departed from this world knowing that their son is big enough to handle himself,” he said as he pats my back.

I understand he’s trying to make me feel better but I cannot seem to take any advice right now. I cannot think straight, I cannot move my body properly. What am I supposed to do now?

“Thank you,” I said as I stood up to get my hand trowel. I’ll just plant some more flowers to calm myself. Even before, flowers used to calm me every time I’m feeling down. I was just hoping that this will work for me this time.

“I’ll get going now, Fabio. Don’t overwork yourself and rest when you feel like you needed it,” Ervin said before leaving. I feel bad for ignoring his advice, I know he’s just concerned.

I decided to dig up a small hole to plant a new flower called Gladiolus. I was taught that the gladiolus does not ignore the pain of loss, and it effectively communicates your compassion in a difficult time. It also reminded us to motivate ourselves as we enter into a difficult chapter of our lives. This is the perfect flower for me. I keep on looking for the brighter side of life, that my parents were already resting and no longer suffer any hardship in life. I guess I’m really selfish for wanting them to be by my side without thinking that they will only suffer. I’m no good son, I’m just a selfish man who only thinks of his own feelings.

“Hey! What are you doing!”

I looked behind me when I heard someone screaming. My eyes grew wider when I saw the Prince standing behind me with a shocked expression. What is the Prince doing here? If the guards were to see him he’ll be dead or in my case, I’ll be the one who’s going to be dead.

“What are you doing here, Yamabe-sama?” I asked.

“I’m the one who needs to ask you that question. What are you doing with your hand?” he exclaimed as he pointed at me.

I almost screamed when I saw blood dripping from my hand. I wasn’t digging the soil, I was digging my own hand! I immediately stood up while holding my wounded hand but I was panicking so much that I just stood there staring at it. I even forgot that the prince was there!

“What are you staring at! Go get a clean towel and we’ll stop that from bleeding!” he exclaimed.

I looked at my bag and saw a white towel, I was about to pick it up when the Prince picked it up first. He immediately wrapped it around my hand and held it for almost a minute. I cannot feel any pain from my hand but my heart is racing so fast because of the panic. I’m so lost that I don’t even know I was hurting myself already.

“What are you thinking, gardener? You were literally digging your own hand when I passed by,” the Prince said while looking at me. I immediately look away to avoid his eyes. We are not allowed to look at them or talk, but I already talked to him so I guess I’ll just have to stop looking at his beautiful face.

“I’m sorry,” I said as I pulled my hand.

“We are not allowed to talk to the royal or look. So if it won’t be too rude, I asked you to leave.”