Chapter 5

MOM SPEAKS

My name is Oluwaseun Susannah Abayomi. I love my children. Really, I am blessed to have three very beautiful girls who I would do anything for. Who wouldn't? They are after all, a part of my flesh and blood. I may love some more than others but I love all three nonetheless.

When my husband, Omotayo Daniels Abayomi, decided to walk away on the premise of searching for greener pastures, my friends and family members urged me to divorce him and remarry. I was still young and quite beautiful too. I couldn't, because aside from the fact that I am a Christian and do not believe in divorce, I did not want my children to go through the pain or stress of a stepfather. I didn't want another man to maltreat my children or scatter them to their father's siblings who barely tolerate the man himself. I figured they would just turn slaves at whatever family house they were sent to.

As a result of this, I labored more. My eldest, Ebunoluwa, had to grow up faster than I would have liked because I needed her to watch her siblings but she was an understanding child and a real gift from God for me. Not only did I trust her with her siblings, I trust her with my shop too and before I knew it, even my customers wanted her around more than me. I saw the struggles she faced of not growing as her peers but I ignored it because I believed I was trying to make her strong.

My second child, Oluwabukunolami, or Ola, as she likes to be called, is quiet. I never had to worry about her as long as she had a piece of literature with her. My concern grew though when she began to read every single article she could find in print. She read newspapers, magazines, textbooks, inspirational books, story books, and all kinds of novels which was where I really started having problem with her reading. She read romance, thrillers and one day, I even caught her reading books on hypnotism and palm reading.

I started trying to stop her from reading any book I didn't give her myself which wasn't easy because she started hiding her books from me. Maybe because I tore them on sight. I didn't want to know if she borrowed the books or whatever. I just didn't want to see them. She became creative. Reading in the midnight when she was thought I was asleep, hiding at the back of the couch to read a few chapters or a few lines, hiding in the toilet --- maybe I was too hard on her. I don't know. She turned out okay though. One of her creative writings won her a scholarship just when I was wondering how she was going to further her education which just served to prove to me that God does exist and watches after his own.

My youngest, Temple, my Oluwafimidarayanu, though, was a whole other matter.

From a very tender age, Temple has proved to be something of a headache. She was willful and stubborn and had an extremely sharp tongue. She was also very intelligent. In fact, I think if she allowed herself develop, she was possibly more intelligent than both her siblings put together. But my baby girl was more interested in flouting orders and trying to prove that she was better than her siblings. I tried telling her that all she needed to achieve what she wants in life was to be herself but she never listens.

I have tried keeping my children from friends because as someone who is close to children, I have seen the dangers of peer pressure on other kids and was determined for it not to happen to my own but things were not just meant to be. Sometimes, I feel like the sacrifice I made for my children ended up wasted.

First, my Ebun decided to leave the hostel and start living with a boy off campus. It really grieved me because I felt I had brought her up in the way of the Lord and she really ought to know better than that. Then Ola almost died because she fell in love with a boy that broke her heart and she went into depression making her almost lose the scholarship she worked so hard to get. It was a real struggle to get her to care about life again but at least now, she is on the right path focusing on her education even though I now worry about her obvious dislike and contempt for people of the opposite sex.

Now, Temple, my precious baby girl, has started following bad friends and I don't know what to do anymore. I gave her the name Temple Oluwafimidarayanu because when I was pregnant, I had a dream that she will grow to become a great instrument in the hands of God. She was the temple of God and He was going to do wonders through her. She is definitely performing wonders now and it is very obvious its not God using her.

Help me Oh God!

I knew that only problems could come out of her attending that congregation of hell that calls itself a church but she said all the right things and I believed she went with the right mindset. I also wanted to believe that all the trainings and teachings that had been instilled into her from the womb will come into play and she won't wander off. Her sisters made me sure of this because despite the fact that they have mingled with different set of people in school and fallen in love, their dressing remains decent and their carriage and conduct still an example of godly growing youths. How would I have known that she could be easily swayed by pressures of friends and the great need to fit in!

She started hanging out with those corrupt children and thinks nothing of leaving the house at all hours to be with them. She didn't want to understand that a sheep that walks with a dog will only learn how to eat faeces. I'm so weary of talking and warning and beating. It is at times like this that I miss the influence of a man in our lives. I miss my husband so much! I don't know why he just walked away. I feel my husband would have been in a better position to discipline and handle her stubbornness after all, she got it from him. The responsibility of parenting was not meant for one person alone and my older girls are too caught up in trying to pave way for themselves to try to discipline their sister. I do not blame them though, I've been contributing next to nothing (except prayers though which I believe makes every other things possible) to their education and basic living. I know their reasons for getting jobs and all that is so that the burden of their feeding, clothing and allowances will not fall on me. I miss them so much though!

I'm not a bad parent. Or am I? I just want to see my girls succeed. I want them to grow and be pillars in the Church and in the society. I want them married to godly men that will love and care for them with their whole heart. It seems that goal is so far from me though! How do I correct this?

Temple, Oh Temple!, looks at me with so much contempt. I know she feels like I am less of a mother because I can't give her all she wants. It would have been my utmost desire to be able to send my girls to the university as soon as they finished their secondary education. To support them through life. I can't but I pray to God daily to play the role of a father in the lives of my children and I see the impact of my prayers too. If only Temple would be a good child and let God beautify her life!

I'm so weary! Sometimes, I just want to curl up and go to sleep, maybe all these problems would have disappeared by the time I wake up.

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Temple has started another Job and this time, she has graduated to another phase of moral decline. Why my teenage daughter would chose to be spending nights outside her home is beyond me. In my youth, I never spent a single day out of my parents' home till the day I got married to my husband. Those girls whose houses she sleeps, don't they have parents? How can a mother encourage that kind of behavior? Doesn't she know that she is giving her own daughter ideas?

How can I be blaming other mothers when I'm clearly not capable of training my own child?

God, please, what can I do?

Who can I run to?

Where can I get the help I so obviously need?

The day I went to look for Temple after she packed out of the house finally is so clear in my mind, I can never forget it in a hurry.

After tracing and asking questions and getting various wrong information, I found where she was working but she wasn't in the shop that evening despite the fact that she told me she closes very late. I then asked from the house nearby about her and if they know where she stays. The woman was reluctant to divulge any information to me.

I totally understand, she doesn't know me!

"Madam, please, she is my daughter and she left home some days ago. I don't know where she works but someone directed me here. I don't know where she stays either. She changed her phone number, I can't reach her. I'm so worried. Please, help a fellow mother!" I cried. At this timed, I had been at this walking for over an hour and I was hungry and sad and angry too.

"Oh my goodness! What are children of nowadays turning into?! I know her. Her kiosk is the green one in front" The woman pointed ahead to the container in question. She hangs around with one light skinned boy like this. Oh God! Temple now follows boys. He comes around and they go home together but I think she stays with the two sisters that sells sachets of alcohol at the bus stop at night. Alcohol?! I've seen her at their stand several times too. I don't know the exact house but its not far from here. I can take you there and we can find out She spoke with barely contained excitement". She was obviously a busybody and I can see the gleam of finding more to add to her story in her eyes. I quickly discouraged her because I don't like exposing my children unnecessarily to unknown characters.

"Thank you so much ma. I don't want to stress you but when she comes tomorrow, please tell her I want to see her at home. Thank you. May God take care of your children I prayed kneeling every few seconds and quickly rushed away"

The next morning, as I was preparing to go about my business, Temple stormed into the compound.

"What a useless mother you are! You just go about reporting your children everywhere! One day, you will report them to witches and kill them with your mouth! No wonder your husband left you. He was obviously fed up with your foolish and stupid ways!" she screamed alerting neighbors to our house. They of course, stayed at a safe distance so that they could listen

To say that I was shocked by the stream of insults Temple threw my way was an understatement. My husband?!

"Temple, calm down and stop publicizing your lack of manners to the whole neighborhood. I'm not the one reporting you to anybody. You are doing a fine job of it yourself. Have you not heard the song, Omo to mo iya re loju o, osi nio to mo naa pa (The child that disrespects her mother, poverty will kill such child)'. The world is watching Fimidara, o de n dara (and you are performing wonders). You came to bestow insults on me this early morning. The thing that is pushing you that wants me to curse you will not succeed this morning. I answered her calmly". Tears were flowing down my face from the insults she threw on me.

Ah! Daddy Ebun, see what you are putting me through!

"Curse me! What remains? Alaroka ju aje lo! (The gossiper is worse than the witch!) You have already reported me to all the witches and wizards in your environment" she fumed. If only she knew that this little display is the first inkling to anyone in the environment that all is not rosy here. I smiled softly. Inside me, I was dying.

"Oluwafimidara, go and pack your things and come back home. It's not too late to change. God has beautiful things in store for you if you did. He has already shown me how great you can be too. Dara, come back home. Please."

She eyed me and turned back to start walking away. I decided to follow her. Ha ha ha! What a mistake! I didn't know she could do worse than what she had already done this morning.

As she turned back and saw me following her, she started laughing, "So, you are following me, jobless woman? You want to follow me around? Can't you leave me alone to live my life? Can't you see that I don't want to be around you anymore? Then she started walking backwards while beckoning to me like one would a dog, making calling noises, follow me ooo, come! Come!"

I was devastated as I saw our neighbors laughing while trying to act like they weren't looking at this embarrassing drama.

"Fimidara, o nfi mi wole (You are degrading me!). God is watching!"

I turned around and went back home to cry my heart out.