Lavender: Here I Am

Here I am, with Agnes, Bethany and Ivy. We're regulars at Sensei Lee's Bubble Tea Palace. Believe me; it's no palace. On the outside, this is the average coffee shop you'd find in Chinatown. The owner hardly spent a dime building this place, and it shows. What did he think when he put aqua chairs by orange table and burlesque curtains? The disco lights hurt my eyes and the music sucks. What's even worse is Agnes wailing the cringeworthy lyrics to the horrific nineties music. One would think, what the hell am I doing here?

As we take group selfies in various angles and pouts, I can't help but feel that we look like we belong on a Christmas tree. I've got every shade of purple imaginable on my hair. Bethany has huge pink hair to go with that big mouth of hers. Agnes has blue pigtails with heart-shaped clips. Then there's Ivy with hair down to her knees; her scalp reminds me of a four-leaf clover.

I like it here, even though it looks like hooker's boudoir. Not saying that there's nothing wrong with that, I quite like it but you know what some people are like: always so picky. Wanna know the funniest bit? The owner's name isn't Lee; it's Abdul. He’s a real cutie, and somehow always finds the time to talk to people even when he’s busy.

I can never understand what he's saying most of the time because of his horrid leopard print scarf. He's a good lad though, always knows what we want. Our orders are complicated, but he gets all the details right. Ivy has a black coffee and nothing else, that can’t be hard to fuck up. Bethany has honeydew melon milk tea with black tapioca balls swimming at the bottom, a bowl of noodles and a burger. If it wasn’t for us, she’d forget to eat because she spends so much time helping others, she neglects herself. Agnes has... I don't know; it looks weird and gross. The tapioca and red anku beans drowning in pale green slush with custard, cheese and grated Oreos on top. I’m guessing it’s matcha, mint or pistachios that are making it that bright green.

My drink is the best. Abdul only makes 13 of them a day. Some say that’s an unlucky number, but thirteen has served me well. I was born on the thirteenth of February, one day before Valentines’ day, so the number always had a special place in my heart. It’s funny how my drink also costs thirteen bucks. It’s expensive, but it's one of the most decadent and delicious drinks I have ever had in my life. Just thinking about it gives me the food equivalent to an orgasm. It's my number one anxiety-killer-blues-killing drink: Sensei Lee's Super-Sparkly-Unicorn Latte. Instagram filters aren't necessarily with the rainbow swirls, glittering cream and chocolate sprinkles. Nobody knows, but me that there is alcohol in this... just a little bit though.

All three of my friends gaze in awe. Here they are sitting with one of the biggest make-up and beauty vloggers on the internet. If only I felt like a superstar. "I'm pregnant."

"Again!" Bethany squeals. "Do you have any idea how long I've been trying to have a baby?"

"My channel is losing subscribers," I moan, holding back tears. "Christian's left me. So half of my sponsorships are gone."

Bethany slams the table. "What's that got to do with having a baby?"

"YouTube will stop paying me, and I'll have no money to do anything."

"Why don't you get a job like the rest of us?" Bethany asks.

"I can't work for somebody." The thought of me working forty hours a week for modern-day slavery makes me cringe. "I'm my own boss."

"Did your sugar daddies kick the bucket or something?" Agnes says, giggling. She's such a sadistic bitch!"

"Well, I can't have an abortion, my family will be furious."

Beth nods. "And it's illegal!"

"Even though I don't have mine anymore," Agnes adds, "they were still the best thing that ever happened to me. I left them alone ONCE and BAM! They get taken off me to live with their dad and his new trophy wife." We all look at her in disbelief.

"It was more than once." Bethany waves her arms around as she speaks. "How many times have I come around your house and you're not there?"

Agnes nods. "Okay, it was more than once. I'm only human. We all make mistakes. I just needed one more chance to prove myself."

I hear Bethany hold back a laugh. I bring up the good night we had. "I thought the reason you lost custody of your kids was that you got drunk one night you started humping every traffic light you could see." We were naughty. If it weren't for the aftermath, we'd be bragging with pride now.

Bethany buries her head in her hands. "Please, we're not allowed to talk about the traffic light incident!"

"Jesus Christ!" I nudge Bethany's elbow. "Calm down!" The reason she hates it when we bring up the traffic light incident is that she wet herself in front of her crush, and the pee went on his sneakers.

"I've wanted to have a baby so so long," Bethany says, tucking into a burger. "But you lot can just get pregnant just like that."

"So?" I sigh. She can always adopt a kid if she's that desperate. She can go on Tinder and hook up with someone on there. My stomach always churns when she talks about her desire for a baby. She gets mad when we say that we're pregnant.

"You don't even like children," Bethany snaps. I can see where she's coming from. It is true. I hate kids, but mine are somewhat an exception of course. My cousin adopted them all. No more sleepless nights for me. Her maternal instinct is better than mine, and besides, she wanted children but couldn’t have them. This is my fifth pregnancy, and I’m planning to let my cousin have this one too.”

I can see Abdul at the counter laughing at our banter. "You just dump them at your cousins... like you always do."

”That was what I was planning on doing.”

Ivy shrugs her shoulders and raises her cup. "I don't want kids."