Sadness

Lately, I've been asking myself why I seemed to lack motivation. I've been experiencing unwanted dreams and there were days where sleep hardly comes by.

I wondered if I'm experiencing depression, but I don't think I am or maybe I'm on stage of denial but I really feel that I am not depressed. It's just that I feel sad.

Yes that's it! What I am experiencing now is sadness.

So I sat down, asked my self a few questions to fully understand why I am sad:

1. What is bothering you?

2. Are you feeling any emotional pain?

3. Are your thoughts scattered?

4. What/Who is the first thing/person you thought of when you wake up? How about at night?

5. What should you do?

After (wasting) few hours in pondering my answers, I've finally realized that I am really sad.

I allowed myself to wallow in things that I cannot change.

I allowed myself to hope for a beginning that was never really there to begin with.

I let myself believe that I was helping when in fact, I was taken advantage of.

Knowing such things had happened in the past, and the fact that I was not able to even say anything at all - this made me sad.

This sadness led me to sleepless nights and scary dreams.

And hey, I assure you, I am not depressed, just that I feel sad.

The type of sadness where I want to have a one-on-one session just to air everything out (felt like bordering frustration).

Have you also experienced a sadness you can't really describe in words but deep down, it haunts you?