Grief (Luke)

“Why are you here?”

As soon as I came out of the decontamination room, I was greeted by a raised eyebrow from Olivia as she put down the tablet she was holding on top of the table she was currently leaning on. I fumbled on my response as she continued to stare daggers in my direction. “I uh, I was… ahem.”

I’m not really fumbling type of person from what I know of. I know I can be shy sometimes but not like this. I can’t even string a few words to reply right now. I don’t know why but I just find myself feeling intimidated around this girl. I’m not entirely sure if it’s her appearance or something else. I don't think she's that intimidating with the way she looks. She's taller than average women but I'm a lot taller than her, so I don’t think that’s it. It could be her attitude. In all the time that I knew her, which is not long to be honest, she just seems to always be in a bad mood. I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or something else but she just comes off that way. She’s rude.

Olivia seemed to eventually grow impatient of my fumbling response as she shook her head at me. She stood up and walked pass me to the decontamination room. Not really knowing what to do, I absentmindedly followed her. She went outside of the lab and went to the elevator. It wasn't long when the elevator door opened again, but this time on the 7th floor. We walked across the long hallway of laboratories. When we passed Matthew's laboratory, my eyes followed it until I could no longer read his name on the door.

"Are you just gonna follow me all day?" Olivia broke the silence between us as we continue to walk the hallway.

I cleared my throat before speaking, "I was assigned to be your trainee."

"I already told them I didn't need a fucking assistant." Olivia mumbled as she took out a keycard from her lab coat's pocket.

I immediately looked at the name on the door. Dr. Olivia Pickett. I head a beeping sound and the door opened. I was about to follow her inside when she stopped me. "Nope."

I didn't get a chance to form a response as Olivia already entered the room and closed the door. While she was inside, I debated myself, whether I should leave or wait for her. I decided on just waiting for her. It took a few minutes before the door opened again. Olivia came out carrying a few blueprints. I offered to help carry it for her but she just dismissed my efforts and continued walking pass me.

We walked back to the elevator without anyone saying a word. When the elevator doors opened to the 6th floor, I spoked to her, "Look I didn't have a choice in this too, okay? I wasn't really looking forward to working with you. I don't know if you're mad at me or something or why, but Dr. Thompson gave me this assignment and I'm gonna do it."

She suddenly stopped on her tracks and turned back to me. I was close on her heel when we were walking so I almost bumped on her. Luckily I was able to stop just in time. Something tells me she won't be happy if I bumped into her. With our close distance I could even see the color of her eyes. Olivia stared at me with her piercing brown eyes. I don't know if that means she's mad or something, I can't really read her face. She immediately turned back around again to walk back to the lab. I wasn't sure what that was for but I still followed her back.

"Look kid, I don't know what Dr. T told you about me, but I don't need your help on this project."

There were a couple of surprising things in that statement from Olivia but among other things I said, "Don't call me kid, we're the same age."

"Who told you that?" She suddenly stopped on her tracks again and looked at me. A hint of annoyance in her voice.

I just shrugged my shoulders, "Matthew."

"That fucking traitor." She whispered as she turned around again and started to walk back to the lab.

"So... umm," I started but Olivia cut me off immediately.

"I'm not gonna mentor you," she said in a matter-of-fact voice. "I got a lot to do, I don't have time to babysit an intern."

If I'm being honest I got a little offended with what Olivia said. I scoffed at her in response. "Babysit? I will have you know that I do have a degree in applied physics, I think I can handle myself just fine."

She didn't really say anything anymore. She just walked towards the lab with a bunch of blueprints in her hands. We were both silent the rest of way until the lab. As Olivia took out her keycard to open the door, I spoke again, "I'm sorry, okay? If you're mad at me for sneaking in to Matthew's lab or that time in the alley, I'm really sorry. I just..." I took a deep breathe before continuing, "I really want to do well in this internship. I've always dreamed of working here. Now that I got this chance, I don't wanna ruin it. So I'm sorry."

She stopped just before she scans her keycard and sighed, "You really don't know what you're getting yourself into, do you?"

"What-"

"You shouldn't have been assigned to me. Out of all those interns, you shouldn't have been assigned to me, and I think we both know why."

No, I don't know why. Olivia used her keycard and put in her code to open the door. I followed her silently inside the decontamination room and finally into the lab itself. Once inside the room, I just stood at the entrance, trying to process Olivia's words. I'm not sure why she said that out of all the other interns I shouldn't have been assigned to her. I don't know if she meant that as an insult but something tells me it wasn't.

I followed Olivia with my eyes as she arranged the blueprint she was carrying into the table. She then took one of the blueprints as well as the tablet she was holding before and walked towards the middle of the room. She was out of my sight so I walked out of the entrance area to her. My eyes were still following Olivia's movement into the middle of the room where a giant metal device is. My attention was pulled to the device as soon as I noticed it. Oh. My heart started to skip faster upon seeing it and realizing what it was.

Most of the structure of the device was intact except some parts where damage can clearly be seen. The more I stare at it, the more I start to notice the burn marks. Dark spots and some burned wires show traces of the fire that happened a few weeks ago. There is no doubt that this was the invention mentioned in the investigation. This is the device that malfunctioned during the event causing an explosion and a fire. This is the device that took my brother’s life.

I didn't know what to do. Should I walk away? Should I scream? Should I curse it? Should I blame it? How can I blame a thing for my brother's death? It was an accident after all. The explosion, the fire, it was all an accident. All of it was just a simple accident that took the only family I had left.

My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I could even hear it. It felt like the room was getting smaller with only me and he device in it. Without my knowledge I was starting to step backwards as my eyes starting to gather tears. Even with my vision cloudy, I still had my eyes fixed on the device. Eventually I knocked on something behind me, which brought me back. I could feel some things falling right behind me. I tried to catch some of it but most of it still fell on the floor.

"I'm sorry, I..." I closed my eyes trying to think of the words to say.

After a while I opened my eyes and looked the device once again. I could feel more tears gathering on my eyes, threatening to fall. I turned my back from it and took a deep breath. My voice couldn't help but crack when I spoke, "I gotta go."

I was starting to find it hard to breathe but I forced myself to run out of that lab. When the doors closed behind me, I leaned on it and tried to catch my breath. I didn't know how long I stayed there, but after a while I started to walk towards the elevator. It wasn't long until I was out of the building and on my way home.

Once I got back home I headed straight to my bed. I just laid there, staring at the ceiling. I didn't know how much time had passed nor did I care. All that's running on my mind is my brother. He had always been there for me, to take care of me. Whenever I get hurt he was always there to comfort me. Now it's just me, all alone again. I thought this feeling was over, it's been a few weeks after all. I guess I was wrong.

Grief. Just one word but it holds a lot of meaning. Just one word but it holds an ocean of pain. What would you do if you lose someone? This was a thought that I never paid much attention to, not until recently. The first time I experienced it I may not even know what it was. I was a child, just barely four years old when I lost my parents. What is grief to a four year old child? It was nothing, or maybe I just don’t remember. I barely even remember my own parents, I was too young to loose them. To a four year old child who didn’t even understand the concept of death, his parents simply didn’t come home one day. This time however, it was different. This was Matthew.

Matthew was always there. When we lost our parents he was there. He's the only one I could rely on. He's the only one who truly cared for me. He taught me how to read, how to write, how to do math. He taught me how to ride a bike and how to drive. He was there on every graduation. On every competition I joined in, he was there to cheer me on. When my first girlfriend dumped me for someone else, he was there to comfort me. When we moved around in the foster system, he didn't leave me, even when a family almost adopted him. "We're a set." That's what he always said. "It's you and me, always." Even when he eventually grew out of the system, he still didn't leave me. He would always visit me. He even got a job while getting a degree so that I could eventually live with him. He went back for me because that's what he promised. He made so many sacrifices for me. Matthew was always there, but now he's gone.

What would I do without you? I wanted to ask Matthew.

I could almost feel the grief consume me once more. It almost did before. After his funeral I almost did something I would have regretted. Everything seemed so pointless that time. He was all I had and I lost him. What's the point of staying? I wanted to escape. I almost did. I was drowning and I was ready to let myself be drowned. But as always it was Matthew who saves me. I accidentally opened a letter he left me. It was with the gift he bought me when I graduated. I reread it over and over again, especially the last part.

Keep moving forward, I'll always be with you, no matter what. Love you.

A sad smile formed on my lips after reading his letter. I knew I could always count on you to help me, even when you're not here. Slowly, I was able to get myself back up after that. It wasn't easy but eventually I was able to pick myself up. I decided to continue my internship and follow on Matthew's footsteps by working in Skye Tech Industries. I thought I was getting better. I thought I was finally gonna get over my brother's death, but seeing that machine brought it all back. Seeing the machine that took my brother from me took me back to the start. I'm starting to feel it again. The grief, the pain, it's all coming back. I could feel my heart, as well as my eyes getting heavy once more.

I didn't notice the time that passed. I didn't even notice that I had eventually stopped crying. It was already night time when I looked outside. My room was dark with only the light coming from the street outside illuminating it. I eventually had the energy to stand up to turn on the lights on my room. When I did, I notice something on my desk. It was an envelope, the same one that I found on Matthew's lab on my first day at Skye Tech. I slowly picked up the letter, contemplating whether to open it or not.

In the end I decided to open it. As soon as I opened it, I immediately recognized the handwriting. It was Matthew's, I was sure of it. It doesn't seem to be addressed to someone, but it was signed. At the very bottom of the paper are the letters NZGG. I couldn't even understand the letter itself. It doesn't seem to make sense to me.

What does it all mean? Why was it on Matthew's lab?