Try A Little Harder (Luke)

It’s been three days since I last came here but nothing’s really changed it seems. Everyone seems to be in their own world, busy with their own assignments and projects. It was like I was watching a world in a faster speed, or maybe I was just in slow motion.

I guess I am kind of slow. Every step that I make seemed like it was getting heavier and heavier. Should I continue? Yes, I think so. Or maybe not? I don’t know. I think I’m still debating myself. But how long will I be debating myself though? I’m already here, walking towards a familiar door.

I stopped right before opening the door. Is this the right move? I’m still not sure but I continued to scan my keycard and the doors opened. The lab seemed to have changed from the last time I saw it. Of course I didn’t really get a good look of it the last time I was here but still I didn’t think it was this messy.

The tables in the room are full of tools and copies of some blueprints. I could also see some flashing to the direction of the machine. My feet stopped when I remembered the machine. Am I ready to see it again? Or am I gonna crumble once more? Even if I don’t want to, I guess this is something I have to go through eventually. If am to continue this internship, which I do want to, I’m gonna have to face it and get it over with. I took a deep breath before continuing further inside the lab.

“I didn’t think you’d come back.” I heard Olivia’s voice mixed with the metal sounds of the machine she was currently working on.

“I didn’t think I would.” I answered quietly.

“So why did you?” Olivia asked as she turned around to finally face me.

I didn’t know what to answer, so I just didn’t. Instead, I looked away to avoid her eyes. She didn’t seem to care anyway and just went back to what she was doing before. When I no longer feel her gaze on me, I looked towards her direction. She was holding a blueprint and looking over the machine.

My eyes focused on the machine more. I could feel my heart beating against my chest, my breath was starting to become shallow and my palms felt damp. It’s starting again. I took a deep breath in hopes of calming myself down. It took a few more tries but eventually it worked. My heartrate seemed to have gone down.

“What can I do to help?”

I’m not sure if she just didn’t hear my question or she purposely ignored me. It seemed to be the latter. She just continued to work on the machine. I frowned at her without her knowledge. Her back was to me. I walked to one of the tables closer to her and grabbed one of the blueprints she was looking at earlier.

There was no name of the machine on the blueprint. That’s kind of weird. As far as I can remember, blueprints are supposed to have a title. This one looks like a cross section of the machine. Most of the parts weren’t even labeled. I was reading more into the blueprints when a hand snatched it out of my grip. I instinctively yelled “Hey!”

Olivia ignored me once more and put the blueprint back on the table. I was about to get it again when she said, “Don’t.” How did she even know I was going to get it again? Her back was to me.

“How do you expect me to learn or even help you if you don’t let me read the blueprints?”

“I don’t care if you learn, and I certainly don’t need your help, so do me a favor and stay out of my way.” She glared at me.

I glared back at her as she once again worked on the machine. So I can’t try and read the blueprints, and I can’t work on the machine. What am I supposed to do then? Ugh, this assignment sucks.

It’s been a few minutes, I think, and all I did was stare at Olivia as she continuously go around the machine, fixing and working on whatever it is she’s supposed to be doing. Eventually I got bored, so I decided to go the intern’s lounge. When I got there, I made some coffee and sat on one of the comfy couches inside.

Walter then walked in, “Oh hi Luke, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Oh yeah, hi.” I waved at them awkwardly.

“You alright?” They asked. I just nodded and smiled at them as a response.

“How’s your assignment? You having fun?”

“Yeah, no not really.” I looked down.

All of a sudden I felt someone sat beside me. “You wanna talk about it?” Walter offered.

“It’s just, Olivia’s so difficult to work with. I know she didn’t want me as an assistant but I think it’s too much. She keeps ignoring me and she won’t let me touch anything inside the lab. How am I supposed to learn if I don’t even know what we’re supposed to be working on?” I took a deep breath before adding, “I’m sorry to dump that on you.”

They just smiled at me, which was surprisingly comforting. “It’s okay. Probably just give her some space first. She might come around eventually. Or if she doesn’t, maybe you could talk to Dr. Thompson, he’s nice, I think he might give you another assignment.”

“Yeah I guess. Thanks Walter.” I smiled at them.

“You’re welcome. Now excuse me, I gotta get some coffee.” They stood up and went to the coffee machine. After they did, they walked towards the door. Before they left, they waved at me, “See you later Luke.” I just waved back at them as they exited the room.

I stayed at the lounge longer. After all, Olivia’s not gonna let me help working on the project so I guess I should just stay here instead. I was actually debating whether I should go back to the lab or not. Maybe I could also talk to Dr. Thompson like Walter said. He could give me a new assignment since Olivia refuses to work with me. I don’t know. I don’t even think I’d have the guts to ask Dr. Thompson for that, it just seems too big of a favor to ask. Besides, who am I to ask such favors?

I took a deep sigh before standing up. I guess I should just go back to the lab. Even if I just watch Olivia work on the machine, I could still probably learn some stuff. Maybe if I do stay out of her way like she asked, she’ll consider giving me a good evaluation. I doubt she would, but still, there’s a small possibility.

Once I walked out of the lounge, I headed to the elevator. Once it opened, I was greeted by the presence of Dr. Thompson himself, “Oh hi Mr. Harrison, Lucas was it?”

“Yes sir, or Luke’s just fine too.” I replied as I entered the elevator. I clicked the button for the floor I was going to.

“How’s your assignment going, Luke?” He asked.

“Oh it’s…” I debated whether to lie or just tell him the truth. “Not going great, to be honest.”

He frowned at my response, “Why is that?”

“I don’t think, Oliv- ahem- Dr. Pickett wants to work with me. She’s refuses all the help I offer.”

He sighed, “She’s like that with everyone.” She wasn’t like that with Matthew. I wanted to say that to Dr. Thompson but just decided not to. He might find it rude.

“Even with your brother.” I looked at him with a frown as he continued. “She refuses to work with anyone ever since she started working here. But when she was granted with the project, Matthew was assigned to work with her. She didn’t like it at first, but your brother was persistent. After some time, she managed to work with him. And as far as I know, they became really close. I gave you the assignment because I was hoping she’d warm up to you too since you’re Matthew’s brother.”

“Oh, I don’t really think she likes me though.” I replied.

“You just have to be patient with her, she’ll come around eventually. I gave you the assignment because I believe that you can contribute to the project. Besides that project is one of the most important ones in the company and it’ll be a great opportunity for you. You can do it.”

“Yeah, I guess. Thank you sir.”

He gave me a smile as his response. The elevator doors then opened to the floor I clicked. I quickly and silently walked out of the elevator. I looked back at Dr. Thompson but the elevator doors were already closed. I just walked back to the lab to find Olivia still working. I found a chair inside the lab and decided to just sit there. Be patient with her. I guess I could do that.

It’s been 5 days. All I did whenever I go to the lab was sit in a corner and watch Olivia work on the machine. I’m not even sure what she was supposed to be working on. I thought this machine was supposed to be done. She just has to fix the parts that was damaged by the fire right? And since this machine was supposed to be unveiled during the event, she should’ve known how it should be fixed.

While she kept working, I usually read to keep myself busy. Whenever she was distracted, I would look into the blueprints and try to make sense of what this machine was supposed to be. So far I still have no clue of what it is.

I’ve tried to do some more research about the machine. I had limited access to the company’s database but I tried to look into what I could find. There wasn’t that much about the project we were supposed to be working on. All the information in there was that it was Olivia and Matthew who was assigned to it. Is this project really that confidential?

I’ve also been doing some research, trying to figure out the letter I found in Matthew’s lab. I still can’t make sense of it. I think the initials on the bottom was for a name so I tried to stay up all night looking for someone who has those initials. I still haven’t found anything. This is so frustrating. I feel like I’m failing on both ends. I can’t contribute to the project I was assigned to and at the same time, I don’t have a clue about the letter I found.

I was so tired and sleepy so I went to the intern lounge to take some rest. It didn’t take long before I fell asleep. It was already afternoon when I woke up. I don’t think it matters really, Olivia will just reject my help even if I offer it. Still, I guess I should head back to the lab.

When I got back, the lab looked like a tornado went through it. There were some clutter before but it wasn’t as much compared to this. Tools were scattered on the floor, along with some torn up blueprints. Broken parts of the machine seemed to be thrown across the room.

What the hell happened here?

I walked further inside the room and my eyes stumbled upon the probable cause of this mess. Olivia. She was laying across the floor right under the machine she was supposed to be working on. Her arms were spread out right over some of the other torn up and crumpled blueprints. Her eyes were closed and she wasn't moving. I almost ran to her, thinking she passed out. Before I could, I heard her speak in a low monotone voice.

"Oh, you came back."

"Are you oka-" I was about to ask her but she cut me off.

"I didn't think you'd come back." She said in that same emotionless voice.

I wasn't sure how to respond to that so I just asked another question, "What happened?"

She stood up from the floor turned her back to me. "I think it's pretty obvious, unless you've never seen anyone had a breakdown before." A breakdown, of course. She took a deep breath then kicked one of the wrenches near her feet. It hit the foot of the stand supporting the machine and made a loud sound.

I didn't know what to do. Do I hug her? Do I talk to her? I don't know. I guess I'm just not good at these kind of situations. I've never had anyone show this kind of emotion to me. Even Matthew, I don't think he even had a breakdown like this. Even if he did, I don't think he would've let me see anyway. Don't get me wrong, I've had my lows too, I know how it feels, but Matthew was always the one to comfort me with a hug. I don't think a hug would be appropriate right now though. It'll probably just escalate her hatred towards me if I hug her without permission. I thought for a moment, until an idea then popped into my head.

"Come on." I nodded towards the exit even though I knew she would see me.

She finally turned around to face me. I could see how much she was trying not to show any emotion. Her face was a blank, but her eyes deceive her. There was something in her eyes, something I can't quite read yet. Probably because I don't really know her. But there it was, fighting to come out as she try to swallow it. I guess I could say I know how that feels. I know how hard it is to hide an emotion, to not show vulnerability to someone. Perhaps that's really what she was doing. Hiding her emotions.

"What?" She tried to sound annoyed as possible but her voice came out soft. It was the kind of softness that I never thought could come out from her. But then there it was.

"Come with me, I'll take you somewhere." Once again I nodded towards the door.

"Where?" She frowned at me.

"Just somewhere."

She thought for a moment, clearly hesitating. She glared at me for a second then proceeded to look away into the mess she made during her breakdown. Her eyes turned back to me before she answered, "I can't, I've got some stuff to do."

"Oh come on, just this time. Besides, it's not like you're gonna get anything done like this anyway." With that, she glared at me more intensely. She probably took offense in my words. She looked away again, still deciding.

"It'll give you time to clear your head." I added as I offered her a small smile.

She directed her eyes on me once again with an intense look. It was like she was trying to read my mind. In a way maybe she was. I could see how unusual it would be that I asked her to go somewhere. Now that I thought about it, it is weird that I asked her. What was I even thinking? But still, it's already done. There would be no point to take back the invitation, besides she might even take offense if I do take it back.

She took a deep breath before saying, "Fine." I could still see a hint of hesitancy in her face though.

We walked outside of the lab and the building. I didn't have a car so we got a cab. The ride wasn't long, it wasn't that far from the lab anyways. During the ride, Olivia was curiously looking out the window. She's probably trying to find out where I was taking her. Once we arrived, I paid for the cab.

"The beach?" Olivia looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I didn't say anything but instead gestured her to follow me. She did follow me, even if it seemed to annoy her.

There wasn't much people on the beach right now, especially since it was already afternoon. The sky was now filled with orange streaks as the sun was beginning to go down. I walked through the sand towards a more hidden area in the beach. There were giant rocks and some trees growing behind the area, hiding it from the rest of the sandy parts of the beach.

I took a seat in one of the rocks and opened my arms, gesturing to the area. I gave her a small smile, which I think might have looked awkward as it felt that way. She raised an eyebrow at me before she looked around. I felt a bit insecure as she seemed to inspect the area. This place is kind of special to me. I'm not sure why but I'm afraid of what she might say about it.

I was waiting to hear insults from her, both for the place and for me. I didn't know how she would react when I first thought of bringing her here. I waited for her words but there was none. Instead she sat down on the rock beside me. Well not really beside me since there was still some distance between us. She was silent and honestly seeing her that way made me feel a bit scared.

Olivia closed her eyes and took deep shaky breaths. She closed her fists, as if she fighting something to come out. Maybe it's anger? She might have gotten angry at me for bringing her and she's trying her best not to punch me. Then suddenly a breeze from the sea began to blow in our direction. Once it hits her skin, her hands began to relax and let go. Her hair flew, as if dancing with the gentle wind. Her breaths was still deep but they were now steady. The only description I could think of what she looks right now is peaceful.

She looks serene.

Her eyes opened and she was now looking at the vast ocean right in front of us. "Why did you take me here?"

I looked away immediately, not really knowing the answer to the question myself. Why did I take her here? I could now feel my hands starting to sweat. I don't know what to say to her. I thought for a moment before saying what just came to my mind. "I just..." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I guess I just thought you could use a breather? I didn't really know what to do when I found you so I thought I could bring you here. I usually come here when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and you seemed overwhelmed so I brought you here." I think I rambled most of my answers.

"Oh." That was all I heard from her.

It took me a few seconds before I looked at her again. Her eyes were still staring at me. For once she didn't seem angry or annoyed towards me. I don't know what her eyes are showing but I know what it's not. After a few moments, she looked away again. She turned her attention back into the ocean.

By now large streaks of yellow and orange colors dance in the sky as the sun continue to set. I watched her face as she take in the magnificent view right in front of her. I watched the way the colors of the sun hit her skin. I have to admit, the way the orange light of the sunset reflects on her dark brown eyes is beautiful. I couldn't help but stare.

"You can ask."

"It's okay, you don't have to talk unless you want to."

Olivia turned to meet my eyes once I answered. She had a frown painted across her face and her eyes felt questioning. When I offered her a smile, I could see the exact moment her eyes began to soften. There was something in her eyes, I never thought I'd see. Gratitude. I could see how a smile began to slowly appear on her face as the sunset light bounced off her skin.

"Thank you."