Monday, April 20 2020

Good afternoon. Today Zian is busy with basketball. He asked me if he can play with his friends so of course I said yes. Not because we're dating means I'll hold him back to what he originally loves to do. While Annaliese is also busy with her own things. Ever since school ended, she's been obsess with finding a summer job. I don't think I've told you that their school time was already over right? Anyways, it ended around the last week of March so now we're all on vacation.

And since I've calmed down from the past events, I'll start talking about what exactly happened last April 17. Sorry for making you wait for so long.

First, of course was me and Annaliese planning to go together at his place just to greet him. And I told her that we'll leave early to avoid the awkward feeling that we might have. But the moment we got there, I was the one who was surprised. In front of their house, there's a bunch of notes that are hanging on their wall and as we get closer, the notes became clearer. It's all the notes I gave him for the past 4 years. Birthday notes, random notes, and even some stupid notes that we had when we fool around. Some of them are crumpled and as far as I can remember, some were notes that I threw away.

When we got inside, all of them are acting normal. No one is actually minding us. Until Zian walked up to us and we gave him the presents. I handed him the note and he read it on the spot. Like I have said, I simply wrote with no gifts on hand.

"Happy 18th Birthday Zian. I always wish you all the best."

— is what's written on it.

He looked at me and smiled. I was very puzzled but he suddenly went outside, and as I watched him, he hanged that letter outside again as if it's one of his collections. I looked at Annaliese and she just giggled.

However, I still asked Anna if we can leave since we've done what we were suppose to do. She tilted her head at me and asked if I'm not curious about something. I said that I am but she cut off me of by saying that it's a simple reason to stay. Unwillingly, I just agreed because I'm more curious why he's acting strange.

When the party is about to end, Zian came up to me and asked Anna if he can borrow me. She even acted as if she's selling me to him and before I can refuse, Zian already dragged me out of the house. We went at the garden and I love how they have a swing here for his sister when they were little. There are two swings so we sat on them. Silence was deafening that time when he suddenly asked me why I did that prank. I looked at him for a second and he's just staring at the night sky. I sighed and looked up as well and started explaining.

I told him that I know that he likes Anna and that she likes him back. I was waiting for a response but none was heard so I continued. I said that I didn't want to be in between of their relationship so I decided to be the cupid and push them together. That it hurts me to see both of my important people to keep hiding their real feelings because of me. After explaining, he finally talked when a minute of silence passed.

He asked if he's important to me. I said yes. He again asked of what level of importance is it. This is when I looked at him and saw him looking at me already. I was caught off guard. I bit the inside of my lower lip because I want to confess but I also don't want to. It's a chance but I'm scared that I might ruin the 4 years we had because of my stupid feelings. I was very lost at that moment when he again talked. I can clearly remember what he said—

"Because to me, you're importance is on the highest level. Higher than a friend."

I was very stunned. He said that he was hurt because it felt like I was already giving him away when he was never mine in the first place. He said that he'd rather be rejected by me than me telling him to date other girls. I was so speechless. Out of nowhere, I felt my tears flowing down my cheeks when I saw how much pain I've caused him by doing that silly prank. His eyes were telling me how he suffered for days because they're seriously shining like diamonds due to the tears that he's holding back. And that's when I had the courage to answer him.

"I didn't want to give you away. I wanted you to be happy. Because I've been in love with you for years."

It felt like we were inside a book. His eyes slowly grew wider and then I noticed the wrinkles that are forming on his face as he keeps stopping himself from crying. I didn't look away but he did. He covered his face while sitting on the swing. With muffled voice that only I can hear, he said,

"Stupid. I'm the one who's been in love with you for years."

This time, it's my eyes that grew wider. Without realizing it, I pulled his shirt and ask him to say it again. That maybe I heard it wrong. He suddenly stood up in front of me, leaned down close to my ears and whispered,

"I've been loving you ever since you smiled at me, idiot."

It was too surreal that I cannot differentiate reality and fantasy that time. I always dreamed about what will happen and how will it happen and this kind of plot has never run through my mind. Yet he exceeded my fantasies. I admit that there were times that I dream where he'll be confessing to me but I never thought about this kind of scenario. I was very shocked and felt like dying on the spot.

I won't go on to the very detail. Hahaha. Let me keep some of it to only me. But that's what the most important scene so I wrote it. Hahaha.

Geez. Writing it down had me blushing and flustered again. I'm ending it here. Thank you as always.

Your friend,

TSM