(Malory)
I’m sitting in the middle of my Monday evening book club meeting, but I can’t concentrate. Whatever the rest of the group members are saying sounds like muffled tones to me. A flashback crosses my mind of Kyle’s pained expression as I kicked him away from me –the day he pushed me against the lockers. There was genuine pain in his eyes. He was suffering. I had made the pain so much worse with one kick.
I feel my heartbeat speed up and tears welling up in my eyes. I feel nauseous.
The thought that he endures that kind of mistreatment from someone else regularly crosses my mind and I get the chills imagining his face –frightened eyes, frantic breathing, a silent plea to stop... stop... stop... I somehow find myself feeling the pain on my own skin.
I can’t bear the thought of seeing Kyle helpless. I’ve never seen Kyle Davidson genuinely helpless or afraid. I never thought I would want to or have to. I remember how he had shaken me aggressively, begging me to listen, begging me to leave. He was afraid of something; of someone, of... his uncle?
I inhale deeply and exhale in one sharp breath.
“Mal?” says Leslie, the leader of the group.
I snap out of my thoughts. “Yea?” I reply, a little too suddenly.
“Are you feeling okay?” She asks.
Do I look sick?
Is my anxiety starting to show? That can’t be good.
I look around and notice that the rest of the group is staring at me.
“Yea I’m... I’m fine.”
“You look a little pale. Would you be okay for the rest of the meeting?” Leslie asks.
What am I doing? I should be focusing! Like always!
“I... Yea. Yea I’ll be okay,” I say, forcing the words to be true. I shuffle through my bag and grab my bottle of water to help take everyone’s attention off of me. Everything goes back to normal after I take a few sips.