"Before" [8]

(Ron)

Lessons after lessons after lessons... I’m trying really hard to ace my subjects but it’s starting to feel like a burden to keep up with everything now. I just want to be over with finals and done with school.

I’m getting too old for this.

Nobody’s really talking about it right now –but there’s a lot of tension among the seniors. Everyone’s trying really hard to pass –others are passing, and passing excellently. Then there are people like me who are trying but struggling –we’re just so burnt out. Sure, literature is my favourite thing in the whole world… Everything else, though?

Bleh.

“I swear all I need to do is fail one more math quiz and I’ll probably drive myself off a cliff,” I tell Joanne –the girl sitting beside me in class.

“Take me with you,” she says. “Take us all with you. Nobody understands the shit this teacher says. It’s like she’s teaching it to herself.”

“In general, I think everyone’s sort of… started keeping more to themselves, don’t you think?” I say.

“Yea. Everyone’s worried about their grades –and exams, of course. Everyone’s worried about passing. Nobody has time to mess around and do random shit anymore. There are fewer fights among senior guys, more breakdowns from those ‘softie’ students who really can’t handle the pressure, and more breakdowns from the ones that can, too.”

“You guys are making me depressed. I can’t even listen to this conversation. I’ll feel guilty. I didn’t finish any homework last night,” says Wale –the guy sitting on my left. “I was so exhausted after school that when I got home and saw my bed I said to myself, ‘Fuck this shit, I’m going to sleep.’”

“I wish I could do the same,” I say. “I really wish.”