Chapter 9 - Choices

They made it to the tavern with no trouble and Jasper sighed a deep sigh of relief when they had their plates of food in their hand along with their jars of juiced fresh berries.

They ate in silence. But then, Silence had been their company since the kiss they had shared earlier. Neither of them had wanted to bring it up, didn't know how to.

They broke camp that morning and spoke at intervals, and even then, their conversation centered around what paths they would be taking, and since Jasper was the man with the map, he did most of the talking while she nodded. she mostly nodded.

"Good food." He said trying to break the ice. But He didn’t succeed.

She nodded again and went back to her plate of fish and chips.

He wanted to groan in frustration, but decided against it. it didn’t think it would yield any good.

In any case, it was for the better no one heard her voice, regardless of the sweet femininity to it, there was an air about it- her voice, that rang royal. The less attraction they pulled toward themselves, the better. So he welcomed silence as an old friend and ate his meal. It was going to be a long walk for them anyway, and she needed her strength.

"Oi, Jasper!" And this time he did groan in frustration. He didn't look away from his plate, but he felt Hannah tense beside him.

"O'Neil, good morning." Jasper answered, looking up at the fat little man with a goatee, but Hannah kept her gaze glued to her plate.

"What brings you here, and who's your friend?"

"Just passing through. This is Riley." Hannah, waved without looking up and Jasper hoped the stoic look he gave to O'Neil was unwelcoming enough to make him leave, but the man seemed to have a lot to say and didn't seem pleased about Hannah not paying so much attention to him.

"Heard of the tragic news, the princess is sick. word is, no one can go close to her without catching watch she has." And he felt Hannah stiffen.

"Tragic." Was all he said, and he could hear the lack of feeling in his voice. What was he expected to feel except for the sudden fear he felt for the princess beside him? even then he willed her silently to hold on, trying to push his strength on her, hoping she wouldn't become gripped with fear and run out with everyone watching.

"Indeed. Well, I'll best be on my way, long day." He looked at Hannah- who still hadn't looked up at him- with something akin to a sneer, before turning to leave.

She breathed out deeply, as if she had been holding her breath all through the exchange and stole a look at O'Neil’s exiting figure, before looking up at Jasper.

"Close." She Said and turned speedingly to finish her meal, as did he.

They ordered some sandwiches to go for when they got hungry again and got started on their journey, by which time Hannah was ready to talk again.

She pushed past a branch and looked up at him as she did her best to keep stride with him.

"Do you think there'll be somewhere to make camp tonight?"

He looked down at her and kept walking, doing his best to keep pace with her, while still trying to make the day count.

She wasn't a setback to him. he didn't see her that way. If anything at all, By allmeans, he was glad she was there with him, and wished there was something he could do, to make the conditions better fot her.

But he was also aware of the fact that he was bigger, able to cover more ground than she was. however they were in this journey together, and he'd see to it that he kept her as comfortable as he could manage, even if he knew that there was nothing comfortable about aching feet and sweat dribbling in unwanted places.

"We will. Don't worry."

"Jasper?" she said again after a while,

"Yeah?"

"Did you hate kissing me?"

This time he came to a halt, making her stop as well, and he turned to face her with eyes that burned.

She wasn't sure whether to be afraid or to be intrigued. So she gave herself the permission to feel both.

There was fire in his eyes, a burning that seized her and made her blood hum. She nearly rocked with it.

She was a woman, with passions unlocked and she wasn't sure if She wanted them locked away ever again. She stood her ground, nowhere to run to even if she wanted to. But by God, She didn't want to. She didn’t want to.

"Who would hate kissing you, milady?"

"I do not ask this question as a princess, Jasper.” she looked at with eyes wide, “I ask… I ask as a woman. Just Hannah."

He grabbed her by her waist and drew her closer to him, her hands automatically going to chest.

his breath becoming one with hers, teased her senses, his closeness was pure delirium.

"Who would hate to kiss you, Hannah?" And his Lips were on hers again, and she closed her eyes, the taste of him a kind of prayer, just like in the morning and her insides cried, yes , yes. He took her mouth like a starved man, she welcomed that, delighted he was starved for her. He took her like a raging man, she embraced that, honoured that he was mad for her. He pinned her to a tree and pulled away the elastic band that held her hair together and ran his hand through her hair. And when she came up for air, his lips roamed her neck.

Then he pulled away suddenly, as if he'd been slapped.

She looked at him with passion clouded eyes and raised a hand to his cheeks, but held her hand away from his cheek with his hand.

He didn't want such sweetness, for such sweetness would certainly be his undoing. She was his undoing.

"Forgive me, your majesty." Then he let go of the hand that he held and turned away from her.

Passion turned to confusion and confusion to anger.

He was turning away from her.

And she knew, not just physically.

"No."

He turned around, blinked twice and raised a brow.

"I said no. You can't kiss me one minute like that, and throw it all away, asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness over what anyway? So no, Jasper. No." her voice cracked on the last word but she let it be. tears stung at her eyes but she wouldn't let them flow, not for him to see, and she wrapped herself with an invisible mantle of self dignity which she knew now had cracks, but she didn't care, he couldn't see them. She wouldn’t let him see them. Then she strode past him.

~~~~

They made camp when night came, there was no stream nearby this time. but they had water left in the bottle that would sustain, they would be okay.

But he worried for Hannah.

He knew what kissing her had done to him. it did to him more than he expected, and he knew better than to continue what they'd started, someone would get hurt. Hell, he thought. Someone was already hurt.

He turned on the spot on the floor where he sat beneath a blanket- no rocks today- and set his gaze on the tent. She hadn't argued about who would take watch, and had been in the tent since he put it up. It ate at him, how she was in there alone, without any desire to be near him, but he thought that was foolish, since he was the one who had hurt her, and hurt her deeply he had. He had pushed her away, And now he missed her.

It was a strange feeling, a feeling he questioned, but miss her he did. He missed her smile, how her eyes lit up when she smiled, she hadn't smiled all day. But what could he do? Wasn't it better for her to hurt this once, and be over it? For what could they have? He had wanted to love her when the time was right, perhaps after the war, if she let him. Wasn't that what he told himself? if she let him? But that was before he'd tasted her, before he'd held her.

Before he had starting giving himself over. Falling deeply and madly in love. With her.

She was soft, and it wasn't just her skin, it was her. And he was afraid, and though he didn't know of what, he knew one thing for sure. A scared man could sometimes make the most fatal mistakes. He feared the mistakes he could make, he feared worse the effects of those mistakes.

He stared at the tent a bit longer and considered going to check in on her, decided against it and turned toward the fire they'd made earlier.