The Panic Of Love

This chapter may include heavy topics, including panic attacks. Parental Guidance is recommended.

I just close my eyes for a second, and I see many choices. I can make, and I am scared of a future that hasn't even come yet. I feel so dumb sometimes, and I looked my phone.

I am sorry Daichi, I just don't feel the same way for you anymore. -From Suga.

I start to typing: ….

I couldn't think, I couldn't move. I couldn't speak, suddenly the future. I had seen with him, disappeared. What did I do? I started to pace, and I broke down crying on the floor of the Karasuno high school bathroom. I close my phone, I couldn't look at the text. Then I immediately, opened it back up again. I scroll back up, looking at all the messages he sent me. I use to smile when looking at these, now I just fucking miss him. What's fucking wrong with me.

I have to respect his choice, if he doesn't love me anymore. Then he deserves to be with someone else, I just never expected. He would ever breakup with me, it hit so hard. Like a hammer, and he did it in his own hands. HE TOLD ME HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE!!! I start to sob, is this what anger feels like? I hear someone come into the bathroom, and he sees me on the floor. "Daichi, why are you crying?" he sounded so soft, and he comes up behind me. Gives me the biggest hug, it was Yamaguchi. He was so quiet during practice, I never knew he was there. I felt kind of bad. "Sugawara-san broke up with me." I say, trying to not choke on my words. "I am so sorry, Daichi. I know this doesn't help right now but, you get to write your future. It might not be with Sugawara-san, and I know that hurts but, I know you got this." he says grabbing my hand. "How about some practice that might help?" I nod, cause I couldn't find words, I was hopeless.

I walk into the gym, and I see Oikawa-san there. I couldn't move, let alone say anything. "I am sorry," he says. He runs up and hugs me. He just sits with me on the gym like floor, "I know. I should of been there for you before. I was selfish and I took that out on you." he says softly, and he started to cry. I look up, "please.." I started to stutter, "please, don't cry." I kissed him, I didn't understand why. Then all of a sudden, I see Iwaizumi-san, standing next to us. He whispered. "I am so glad, that he has you. I want him to be happy, and I know I took the risk saving him. Just seeing him so vulnerable holding you, I am so happy. Tell him, I will be here always, and I would of done it a million times just to see him happy." he says as he slowly fades. I see Oikawa, cry harder. "So he is really gone." he says with a raspy voice. "He is, I know he wants you to be happy. What if it isn't m-" I say almost getting cut off. "It is you." he says kissing me. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, every day. Something reminded me of you and if you don't want me. Then I will go." he says holding me tighter. "I would, but the thing is, I can't breathe." I say laughing with no air. "Sorry." he starts to laugh, and I look back at him. I touch his face and wipe his tears.

He grabs my phone, "what do you want to say to him?" Oikawa-san says quietly, "I keep freezing, and I don't know why. I wanna say stuff but, I can't." He puts my phone softly in my hand. "when you are ready, you can decide what you want to say." He says putting my phone in my pocket. I start to fall asleep, exhausted from crying earlier. He picks me up, and brings me softly to his house. He puts a blanket on me, and he turns off the light. He starts to sleep in the chair next to me. "You don't have to sleep there, you can sleep next to me." I say half a sleep. He looks so tired, I get up. I try to move him really carefully, and I cuddle him. Feeling his body, so warm. He says something, "I love you." He mumbles it, in his sleep. "Oikawa-san? you awake?" I say holding his hand. "...." I guess he is a sleep. I grab my phone in my pocket.

Daichi: ... Hey, Suga. I understand and I hope we can be friends.

Suga: I think we can be friends, I am sorry about not talking to you. I understand text is hard, and I hope you are ok.

Daichi: It's okay, I understand, if you lost feelings. I just wish you had talked to me.

I close my eyes, and I dream about my future. I have no idea what I am going to do, I just hope that I follow my heart.