3.0 Literary Misadventure - Where the sun don't shine.
This is not the first time I've fallen towards a sticky end.
Far from it.
It is the first time I've had company.
"Kraft"
I burn the enchantment in one of the amulets sown into my coat to give myself a few seconds of medium range telekinesis. Forty five gets yanked bodily towards me and I seize his boot in my left hand, reaching out for Terra who is falling nearby.
Forty six.
Fifty.
"Ein Kraft"
Thirty Nine.
Forty eight gets pulled towards me and latches onto my body as the seven of us plunge into the deep. Apart from the screaming the plummet is quite peaceful, quiet. Not too far below i see a purple glow illuminating the bottom of the cavern.
Not too far is far to close.
"Langsam" magical underpants discharge, two meter range, ten second slowfall. I feel the air achieve the rough consistency of jelly as the seven of us suddenly tumble in with the new drag.
*Spl*Spl*Splash*
Fuck me that was too close.
"Is everyone still alive!" I gasp out over the comms.
There's a few muttered affirmatives and more than a bit of Imperial Stormtrooper Academy swearing.
"Is anyone hurt?" I ask dragging my damp arse out of the knee deep scum pond that we landed in.
I look around the scene of our landing. there isn't any light but the permanent (and particularly difficult) nighteye enchantment built into my helmet handles the pitch black conditions without any trouble. The troopers are leaping to their feet and struggling with the switches on the sides of their helmets. Small bursts of light occur as they manage to activate their night vision.
I pull my pistol.
Just in case.
"I said Is anyone hurt!" I shout.
There's a murmur in the negative from everyone.
"Good! Now we are about Seven Ks down, it is a three K climb up until we reach the target location. Keep your eyes out and watch your" "Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeee", Forty Eight is lifted into the air with a textbook Wilheim scream. "Feet." I finish lamely.
"Hostile contact!" Terra screams as the water around our knees starts churning. To their credit the stormies are on the ball, drawing their weapons in smooth motions, the flamethrower lances over the churning waters searing a few tentacles and plasma bolts shoot out into the darkness.
They don't hit shit, their accuracy being memetically stromtrooperish in these conditions even as the blaster bolts send up gouts of water when they hit. there's a squeal and a splash as the monster pulls the trooper beneath the waves.
"It's under the water!" Terra shouts and the gunfire dies down. Blasters, you see, can't fire through more than a few centimetres of water, the chemical composition (cold and wet) is too similar to flesh and they just end up flash boiling it instead of lancing through to hit what's beyond.
Which is shit because none of our weapons can get the critter.
A pulse of blue light illuminates the dank water, once, twice, three times deep beneath the reach of our weapons. With a great heave the monster flings the trooper out of the water to the side of the cavern.
"Grenade Out." Terra yells, not missing a beat and a volley of assorted explosive fun arcs through the air.
I do not expect the long sinuous tentacle to swing through the air batting away the grenades almost as little as I expect my apprentice to use force bullshit to fling them all high above us before we enter the injury zone.
The Explosives detonate in quick succession, casting the churning pool of water and the millennia of accumulated detritus in harsh light as whatever it is underneath the water growls in a deep subsonic rumble.
I feel the fear deep in my bones as the eldritch predators bowel loosening grumble echoes throughout the cavern.
You know what? Fuckit. Fuckitol. Fuck this fucking fucker.
I could leave everyone here and be safe in my home in less than a second but i'm not leaving half a dozen misguided bu fairly decent kids to a horrible death when I could prevent it. there's no way we're making it out of this without magic anyhow.
So.
Yeah.
Fuckit.
"Gehen. Sehen." I step onto the surface of the water. The monster illuminated in the deep by detect life magic. The creature isn't actually that big, I mean it's big but not BIG big. The main body is about three meters long and built like a very short tentacled hippo as opposed to something more krackeny. I can feel it's force sensitivity from here, interfering with the Detect life spell ever so slightly but that doesn't particularly bother me. I reach one hand inside my drenched coat and seize a bundle of seven short lengths of engraved durasteel.
Durasteel isn't a good enchantment medium, pretty shit in all honestly, particularly compared to what the books say daedric ebony is capable of or even just normal gold and silver. It isn't much of a problem though because patterned grooves in a surface can be used to increase enchantment capacity. Not much, but when you're only using the soul of a chicken to power the damn thing you don't need much. Plus durasteel is so durable that it's got Dura in the name so I don't have to worry about breaking my blasting rods to a random accident.
I draw the bundle of rods from an inner pocket and feel the tingle of cold run through them. The krakenhippo throws up a tentacle to swat at another grenade which hasn't even been thrown as I point my blasting rod square at the creatures body.
"Arctis"
Each kind of magic behaves differently when used as a projectile spell. Fire for isntance naturally seems to forge itself intoe a singularity of heat and pain until it hits somethign and bursts into a nova if incandescent glory. Electric energy is consumed by it's electricness and you spend most of your magic convincing the stuff to behave like a directional lightening bolt instead of just doing it's own thing. Electricity is much better at close range as a result.
Frost though, frost projectile magic moves slowly, far slower than either of the others and has a quite short range limit, about fifty meters which is criminally short by modern combat standards. The saving grace of frost magic in combat is that it will propagate through solid object, that means doors, walls, bulkheads, people, monsters, water, anything really.
Seven sub-par ice storms propagate from the tips of my freezing rods, each spell only capable of five or so 'Standard Tamrealic Power Points' of damage over it's two meter AOE, about enough magical bullshit to force water to drop five degrees C per second while the effect is active. The seven stacked spells drops the temperature of the pool of fetid water from a nice and balmy forty degrees to an arctic five degrees which for a fairly immobile crustaceany, amphibiany aquatic bastard must be distinctly uncomfortable.
The grenade sinks into the water with a soft *plop*.
I step back and watch as the water Pops. the grenade explosion is a bit underwhelming from up top but in the deep, next to the detonation I watch as the life leaves the monster.
"Sehen"
I look around and I put my pistol away. "Area Clear. Nothing in a hundred meters."
"What the fuck was that man?" Fifty two shouts.
I turn to the man, he's pointing his blaster at me, aiming right at my chest as I stand on the surface of the fettid pool of water in the depths of the most populated planet in the galaxy.
"It was magic mister fifty two. If you've ever wondered how I managed to not end up dead in this forsaken shithole now you know. Magic. Now your fellow trooper is likely badly injured and almost certainly needs medical attention which I can provide because Fucking Magic! now put that fucking piece down before you get us all killed." I say, turning away from the bewildered young man and trudging over the lake to the injured Forty Eight.
He isn't looking too good. He's moving which is always a plus but one of his arms is very much at the wrong angle as is one of his legs. He sees me approaching and raises the ion pistol in his still functioning left arm.
"For Fuck sake you wanker, I'm here to help." I say raising my arms. I can hear the other troopers behind me slosh through the knee deep water.
"You're a jedi." He stutters out in obvious pain.
"I'm not a fucking Jedi, I'm a wizard you wanker. Mystical magic bullshit not mystical force bullshit. Also the water gets pretty deep so you lads should probably stop trying to follow me." I say out loud. the indicator in my helmet showing that Terra has locked me out of the comms network.
There's a splash as a stormie I don't see looses his footing.
"See."
"Alexander Of Alexanders Action Arceology, As a member of the Imperial Army I am placing you under arrest on charges of treason." Terra calls loudly.
"Oh yeah, you and what army? Ey? You think you lads can make it back to the surface with a prisoner. We're about three kilometers deeper than I've ever been. What do you think your chances of having the seven of you make it through all of these tunnels without ending up in some fuckers belly." I turn slowly to look at my 'captors' six sorry soggy soldiers covered in refuse and grime all at least waist deep in fetid sludge.
"I think we can manage Scum." Terra sneers.
"Reeeealy? I mean Reeeeeally? I mean you've even lost track of my hilariously force sensitive magical apprentice and almost got killed by a squid hippo. I mean? What are you going to do about forty eight over there, two broken limbs and still enough willpower to aim a pistol. Sure as shit you aren't dragging his arse through hostile territory like that."
"I will call for pick up and a shuttle will be sent." Terra says as if saying it would make it true.
"..."
the silence stretches in the depths with only the heavy breathing of the stormies and the soft dripping of water.
"Let me guess. No Reception?" I say.
"You knew this would happen." Terra snarls.
"No.... Like seriously. Hell No. I don't want you all to die. I just wanted an uneventful stroll to the shipwreck, a bit of light looting and to nip home in time for kippers. What I didn't want is to get chased by and army of bloodthirsty monsters, land in satans septic pit and get in a fight with a terror from the deep but Here. We. Fucking. Are. So are you going to let me help your trooper or are you going to consign your squad to a horrible deaths in the jockstrap of the planet?"
Silence stretches even further. I hear Forty eights good hand fal lto the ground as he looses the will to keep it up.
"I will choose the third option. You come with me, you keep us alive and then you tell everything you know to imperial security." Terra states calmly.
"Ohhh, endless interstellar war. My favourite! Come on man, I have contingencies within contingencies. I walk around with a live Thermal Detonator in case I run into a hostile Jedi for Gods sakes. Eighty percent of my professional time is spent planning contingencies you should know you've helped me do it. You can kill me right here right now but if you don't land the first shot you won't land the second and there won't be a third. If you try to take me into custody that means that you're getting in a fist fight with a man who can walk on water and who knows what else. You have a very, very narrow decision space to work with here and frankly, I would prefer it if no one has to die. That would be. Fucking. Great."
"Endless Interstellar War?" Terra asks hesitantly.
"I'll tell you what. I help forty eight here, we find somewhere safe to talk with actual breathable atmosphere and light and then I tell you all precisely how far up shit creek we all are so you can make a sensible and informed decision. Please?" Silence stretches.
"Please?"
"I will allow it." Terra grumbles.
"Allllllrighty then. Now as a show of good faith i'm going to do a little bit of magic so we all aren't wading around in shit so please, please don't shoot me. Also try not to think too hard about it, that breaks the spell." I wait after I finish talking for a response.
"Proceed." Terra grumbles out.
I raise my hand and focus. It's an on the fly spell but not a subtle one, violet energy flies around my body as the perception of water changes, reality around me is rejected and substituted with my own. the surface of the pond around everyones thighs changes and there's a few shocked gasps as each of the soldiers step onto the surface of the lake.
"Right, that's only going to last for half a minute at most so get to the edges." I say moving towards trooper Forty Eight still lying crumpled in the packed dirt at the side of the massive cavern.
"Can you get him moving again?" Terra asks curiously
"Yeah, Piece of piss. Not going to be pleasant though." I respond with confidence. "You still awake mate?" The stormtrooper nods.
"Cool, now I'm going to need to straighten your limbs and it's going to hurt like a motherfucker if I don't use magic to numb the pain for a bit. Nod if you want me to do that." The trooper nods.
"Great. Chanim, If you could, could you find the nearest safe location with breathable atmosphere which is remotely close to habitable." I call over my radio.
"She has left you to your fate Scum." Terra sneers.
*Splish, pitter patter pitter patter thip thip thip thip*
We both hear the faint sounds of an wizzards apprentice making tracks to somewhere else.
"Yeah, sure she has." I snark as golden energy swirls around my body. "He's out like a light. Grab his boot, we have to realign this knee before I can get to healing."